To not think i should tidy up after family

[Happynothappy]

Not for the first time and ive let them know before how i feel, often i can work a 12/15 hour day and when i come home (having not ate a meal that day at home) the pots from their meal left out, kitchen a mess which when i popped home in the day i tidied, why cant they tidy after themselves! If i have a moan at DH he says hes tired from work, i give in

How old are the kids OP?

They're all terminally lazy and relying on you to do it all. Maybe do a rota, every day one of them has to tidy up and wash up?

Pick up a take-away on the way home. Leave the original mess and add yours on top! Repeat as necessary.

which when i popped home in the day i tidied

Why? Why would you do this? Sounds like they believe in the cleaning fairy, and you're perpetuating the myth.

If you're out of the house 12/15 hours a day and not eating at home, just leave it. They made the mess, they clear it up.

If both adults are working and DCs are older than about 9/10, you and DH should be doing equal shares of housework, cooking, cleaning etc and DCs should be pitching in too. If they're old enough to prepare food, they're old enough to clean up afterwarsd.

Kids are teenagers, think ill go away on my own for a week and maybe then they will realise that things need doing!

Just stop doing it. They're too lazy to do it unless they have to so you have to make it so they have to.

Im too soft arent i and they are all taking advantage of that

Put the dirty dishes / pans in their bed

I've booked a hotel and a few days away, just me. I intend to leave the house tidy and clean and then assess the state of it when I get home. I'm tired of picking up after people so I'm going to demonstrate exactly what I do for them by lying in a hotel bed and doing nothing else.

CITADEL that sounds wonderful i may follow suite on that idea!
BREAKFAST haha good idea, then they can wash bedding themselves

They all need to understand that's not on.

This actually sounds familiar as my mum used to come home from work to similar state.

Most of the time she wld say nothing but every now and again she would blow up and go mental. After one her outbursts we wld keep the place tidier for a few days then settle back into the way it was. I realise now that it was very unfair on her and wished I'd done more to help her as a teenager.

I got tired of nagging so now don’t bother tidying up after them all. I just leave it and wait for someone to trip over the shoes in the middle of the room then sneer ‘I told you so’ at them.

Just leave it with a note saying 'clear up after yourselves'.

And yes, bugger off to a hotel for a couple of days.

If you go away, you will find that they just pile it up and leave it.

Some people (either fundamentally, or in a phase of laziness, irresponsibility or depression) don't care about treating their living space like a rubbish tip. So 'demonstrating what you do for them' doesn't work, because they litreally don't care if it's not done.

I am fine with my husband's standards not being the same as my own in this regard - however, what I'm not fine with, is his (low) standards becoming the default, which makes me feel depressed, or end up doubling up on my household duties in order to feel like I have a decent home.

So we have an accepted standard - tidier than he'd care to do for himself, less tidy than I'd care for. He's not obliged to do so if he has good reason to slack in those duties (we've both actually fallen behind due to a hectic few weeks). I'm not entitled to demand he reaches my standards. He's not entitled to impose a miserable living situation on me.

I would be agreeing minimum standards with them.

Sounds like you need a family meeting around the kitchen table!

Draw up a list of all the jobs that need doing daily weekly monthly and yearly.

Ask everyone to initial what they are going to do.

Everything like family trips, money for trainers, WiFi use, treats etc is the "carrot" so they need to keep their side of the bargain and no telling them, they need to do it themselves.

You can explain that the family is a team and everyone needs to contribute. That it isn't a hotel and it is preparation for when they leave home.

They need to learn to be responsible, kind thoughtful and have good social and basic life skills to make a success of their lives so being able to do their own laundry, cook for themselves and others etc are all important to becoming independent, responsible and successful young adults.

When you come home they will have a cup of tea ready for you and a meal ready for you...this is what it's like in my home and it's lovely.

Give and take. If they expect lifts and money etc expect something in return ( don't need to ask, they will offer as they know kindness and thoughtfulness go in two ways).

Good luck op!

#shelbybear yes that's like me, every now and again ill tell DC and DH how i feel and o know after awhile they will all start to slack again.
#prettyvase ,how lovely to come home to a cup of tea, its been known ive walked in and DH has asked me for a drink, which i tell him a few choice words