To end up feeling hurt in friendship over takers?

[Stormei]

I’ve had this a few times, I end up feeling stupid and embarrassed when I realise I’m doing a fair bit for people who don’t view me the same way.

Examples,

I’ve been taking child x to an activity for nearly 2 years most weeks and often another too. I’ve been stuck this week for the first time, parent is taking their child but ignored text request if they could take mine. They drive past the end of my road, I do a ten min detour to drop off theirs. Read and ignored text. My child had to miss it tonight

Child y I’ve had some long day babysitting of late for urgent work. Also at activity, also driving past the end of my road. Also ignored text.

Obviously those aren’t the only examples, but they sum up a typical position I end up in. Say having 30 play dates to no return, the drop offs, generally ending up feeling like a muppet as I seem to attract this and not spot it like a fool. I feel I have a radar, one mum would come here but cancel play dates on me half hour before with messages like ‘oh I forgot’ or ‘something has come up’.

I don’t seem to end up in reciprocal arrangements!

These are people I know well enough to know that anxiety/ SEN/ illness etc are not a factor. I know it sometimes is, but not for these cases. (I actually have the bigger family and am the only one juggling an SEN sibling and baby in the mix)

So - what am I doing wrong? Is there a code for this I’m missing?

Time to stop being such a mug. These people are not your friends. These are people who see you as free childcare and will continue to use you as long as you allow it. So stop now. Any more messages looking for lifts, after school pick up etc, just say 'no, I'm not available'. Don't apologise for it, don't elaborate and if they try to negotiate simply send the same reply again, every time.

yes i think just say "sorry taking x or y with my child to x activity doesn't work for me anymore. hope you get sorted"

i havent had the level of issues you have but have offered many play dates or favours to never have them returned etc and in the end you just get to know the ones who are like this and avoid making the offer!!

I think somehow its possible to give the impression or others perhaps they conveniently just jump to the conclusion that "oh x wont mind giving my child a playdate and they love doing me a favour - their kids love seeing my kids it so it doesnt matter if i don't reciprocate" i think i have fallen foul of that a bit and eventually just stepped back from those who view things in that kind of way

you need to care less what other people think and far more about what is best for you and your children

Who cares if you lose this 'friendship' - you know now that it's not real anyway.

Are these actual friendships, OP? Like would you text or call them to chat? Go out as adults (no kids)? It doesn’t sound like they’re friends so there’s no friendship to end. Just tell them that taking their DC to whatever no longer works for you. Or be even more assertive and state that the imbalance is frustrating you.

I do a fair bit for a few friends because as a SAHM with school aged DC I’m simply around more....but they reciprocate when I need them!

Nosy- why was the linked thread deleted?