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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not change DD school

6 replies

dotcomconfused · 24/04/2019 22:18

DD just started Y7. We live quite rural so are somewhat limited with schools. She goes to a grammar school in the next town via train. The local school, where quite a few of her primary school friends are going to, is failing (think students dealing with drugs in school, lots of teachers resigning). I work in a school of good standard but quite a way away.

This is not a boasting thread at all. DD does really well at school, top of her class, finds everything easy so you would think it is the right school for her. One of her best friends is in the same class and she also made another good friend, plus some good mates. There are no bullying issues. She is also really ambitious, wants to do well to get a good job, we do not have to push this at all. However, she is also my wild child and finds most of the other kids really boring, because guess what, they are there to learn and she would rather mess around.

She still sees her old friends and I guess they keep telling her how much fun it is in their class. As I said, discipline in the local school not great so I guess they get to muck around more in lessons, whereas DD does not get to do that.

She also misses the boys, more as friends not in boyfriend capacity. She has made male friends on the train (from boys grammar, they get to hang around before train leaves for quite a while, mixes with boys at Scouts and still sees and plays with old male friends.

She said again tonight how she doesn't like the school and wants to go somewhere else. I guess if someone is capable, they would do well wherever they go. But I also think if she does want that top-notch job she needs to work hard. If she continues going to current school, she will get the best grades, whereas moving to local school, she will still do well but because she would be in the higher set, she wouldn't work as hard because she wouldn't be pushed as hard.

Another possibility would be going to my school. But we would have to travel together every day, she would not be able to see her school friends after school as she would not be able to come home by herself. After school clubs would be a problem as I would have to hang around waiting for her to finish. Plus I would have to stay there for many more years to come and am not sure if I want to do that.

I am very torn. I want her to be happy and look back fondly on her school days. Equally, I would be really upset if she doesn't realise her potential. I know it's not all about the grades but they are important and life is not all about fun.

Another stumbling block is that we are looking to leave the rural life behind and move to the grammar school city so she can meet her friends easier and later have a part-time job. DD2 currently in Y5, also aiming for Grammar School. I cannot get both to different schools.

So, AIBU to not change schools? Flame away.

OP posts:
ZippyBungleandGeorge · 24/04/2019 23:19

I'll probably get shot down for this, but she's eleven and wants to change school because she wants to go somewhere she can muck around more, no way. If she was deeply unhappy, bullied, no friends etc of course you would consider other options. If you move her to the failing school she won't thank you in the long run, she's a child, children don't always make the best choices.

Dixiechickonhols · 24/04/2019 23:27

I'd keep her where she is. It doesn't sound like there is anything wrong with the school - no bullying etc just she thinks the grass in greener.
I'd encourage her to join clubs at school and make new friends. It's still very early days and friendships change.

bridgetreilly · 24/04/2019 23:37

No, she doesn't get to change because she's at a school where everyone works hard. She gets to stay where she is and find the good things about it, of which there will be plenty. And failing that, she gets to make the most of her time outside of school to do the things she really wants to do.

user1473878824 · 24/04/2019 23:46

I’m with @ZippyBungleandGeorge

AlmostGrockle · 25/04/2019 00:19

Maybe give it a year and move her if she's still not happy?

SnowsInWater · 25/04/2019 01:31

No way would I move her, it sounds like where she is meets her needs best.

DD moved in January at the beginning of Y10, she had been in her previous school since pre-school (we're in Aus so she had eleven years there now three more years to go). Much more academic, more compulsory sport including Saturdays, she misses her old friends and has struggled a bit in term 1, BUT she knows it's a no going back situation and we are all focusing on the many positives, mainly the fact that she is likely to do much better academically where she is now, and making sure she has lots of chances to meet up with her friends from her old school.

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