To ask- Is middle age just about home ownership?

[Stripyseagulls]

I rent with not much prospect of buying a house although I still cling on to hope. I am 46 & have just been priced out of the market & unable to save a big deposit.

I have a lot of friends who own- a lot of whom were gifted large sums of cash so are very lucky. But all they talk about is kitchens & decorating etc and I can’t take part in the conversations.

I have a full and as interesting a life as I can- I travel as much as I can with my kids, go camping, try to have weekend adventures, go to gigs, run, walk, read, listen to music, cool, socialise etc.

But the topic of conversation is always home ownership and for me, because I rent, having a roof over my head is a small part of who i am. It doesn’t define me because I am not invested in it in the same way.

But my friends just seem to be so invested in it and it’s making me feel like I need new friends 🙈

Aibu to think that middle age just becomes about decorating & kitchens & that I am the unusual one?

It’s making me feel a bit shit. Like in am a second class citizen I guess

*cook not cool

No, of course not, its just that it costs a fortune to get and maintain, hence the focus.

I am your age and own a house but hardly ever talk about it. You sound much more interesting to talk to than them!

Same age, also a renter. Only divorced one amongst my friends (hence the renting) so therefore have neither partner nor house. I get what you are saying, but have trained myself not to be concerned about what others do, I have enough of my own stuff to stress me out!

I’m your age & I’d say decorating & kitchens were fairly low down on the list of the things my friends & I talk about. Your life sounds a lot more interesting than that!

Look on the positive side - you get to spend your money, have fun, someone else comes in and does all your fixing and decorating at no cost.

When you get really decrepit and need a home, the state will plonk you in one, and all your mates who worked hard, saved, forewent many of lifes pleasures will have to sell their house to pay for exactly the same care you're getting for free.

Home ownership, I have come to realise, is a mugs game.

I find most people talk about their kids.

I own too and never talk about that stuff. Neither do my friends. Maybe it's just your friends?

Maybe they are all getting new now the kids have grown up. My parents did this, as soon as the last went they had new everything

I'm 50's and don't talk about my house or buying new.
I talk about travel, moving, hobbies and interests etc.
Don't like small talk but will join in to be sociable and we can't always talk about what we want to.

Our house took up much of our time then too because I was buggered if I was still going to have to be still doing it all in my mid 50s (which I still am 🙄).
Your life sounds much more interesting than most. We’re odd in this country, most other Europeans have long term rentals, even pass the tenancies on to their kids.
Keep enjoying your life. Owning isn’t everything. We’re looking forward to downsizing in a few years and being maintenance free. Might even rent.

you need new friends.... you sound more interesting and deserve better than dullard conversations about how they get to spend their days trundling around B&Q and telling the kids to shut up, while scraping ice cream off the upholstery of the car they can't quite afford.

It's not you. I have my own home but never drone on about decorating etc. I also find it really boring. A woman at work is like this. It always amazes me how she thinks I'm interested in her new kitchen. I think Facebook has made a lot of people like this. I always feel like saying "nobody cares". Of course I don't say it. One day I will snap though.

I’m 43 and own a house. The only person who wants to talk about decorating is my mother. I sometimes avoid phoning her because I just can’t face this as a topic of conversation. Maybe I can put her in touch with your friends..,

I'm in my 50's andwe never talk about buying new anything to do with the house unless we've bought a new plant for the garden that might benefit bees.
Honestly all the people I know my age talk about far more interesting things than the roof over our heads. And we're not in a position to replace our kitchen.

I'm in my 20s and home and gardens is the most important thing to me because it's my passion. Don't think it's to do with age. I know plenty of people 40+ who aren't bothered at all and would much rather talk about travel which doesn't interest me.

I think home ownership is deep in the British psyche: an Englishman’s home is his castle and all that.

But personally speaking we’ve lived here 13 years (after 5 previous house moves), decorated once and have never replaced kitchen or bathrooms, though I’ll hold my hands up and admit I enjoy a good faff with the garden.

I have itchy feet though; in your position, if I could afford it, I suspect I’d move every few years just for the fun of it.

I think part of the problem is that it’s kind of implied that even if I do have an interesting life, I still don’t own a house and am therefore always lacking in some way

I own my house, i’m 49, i’m sick of decorating and just want to go on holiday instead 😊 I want to enjoy life while I can

I think you need to find a new circle of friends, the people I mix with rarely talk about their homes ... there are much more interesting subjects to talk about.

I'm 44, own my home and never talk about this stuff. I do have friends who are a bit obsessed but I just tune them out when they talk about this stuff. One even has an instagram dedicated to her house renovation which I find almost pathetic. No one cares about your bathroom light fixtures.

Actually PP, I do care about bathroom light fixtures. Is it so hard to believe people have different interests?

You need some new friends

I am 38 and dh and I own a house and we do enjoy a bit of sprucing it up but to be honest I never really talk to anyone about it, I’m much more likely to be waffling on about stuff on tv or clothes or whatever else. Couldn’t care less if someone rents etc. People make all kinds of decisions / have different lives for all different reasons. No one should judge anyone.

I’m sure we get judged in our social circles ... we are choosing to spend our inheritance on lots of holidays and paying off our mortgage rather than buying a larger house. Everyone our way seems to be obsessed with buying bigger and bigger and bigger....! We are very happy in our little 3 bed semi!

I think house values are a bit of an obsession in some quarters. Which is a bit boring.

All the talk of home renovations/ kitchens is so bone achingly dull...im sure i'd fall asleep in such conversations! Plus it all seems very competetive and superficial.