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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be panicking about my parents visiting

40 replies

Greyeye · 24/04/2019 19:22

My parents are very house proud. They are visiting tomorrow.

My mum has not worked outside the home, so she keeps a spotless house.

I don't see them often, as they live far away, but they are visiting me tomorrow.

When I visit them, they have lots of rules to do with keeping a clean house. For example, one can only eat in the kitchen and the kitchen is closed from 8 pm.

In the past, my mother has demanded I get out of bed at 7 am when I had influenza, so she could change the sheets.

When I was a child, she slapped me around my face for spilling something on the floor.

One morning, some years ago, I woke up early, burnt the toast and set off the smoke alarm. My dad stormed downstairs, shouting at me, and actually hit me with his hand.

He said I had woken everyone up. Jeez - I was making myself a cup of tea abs some toast! I was in my forties.

I told my mum that my house might not be spotless and she said she would "rise above it",

My husband and I both work full time.

I was upset with my mum's comment she said "That is just what mothers say".

I live with my husband and teenage son.

I am dreading tomorrow...

OP posts:
stucknoue · 24/04/2019 21:59

I would show her where the cleaning stuff is kept and let her get on with it. Pay back

Mammyloveswine · 24/04/2019 22:17

My parents totally judge my.house... i have 2 toddlers and work a very demanding job... my husband works 12 hour shifts but we juggle our jobs so we can cover most childcare. My parents offered to have the kids 1 day a week at mine. I get so stressed when they rock up... my dad has been known to go through my recycling bin to check I've folded up my cardboard small enough Hmm.

Im sure your house is fine, mine is a tip but i dont give a shit as right now i prioritise making sure its clean and that the kids and i have clean clothes. Obv i tidy but its not the "show home" it used to be but i can live with w full washing/ironing basket!

Cherrysoup · 24/04/2019 22:40

Wtaf?! Your dad hit you? That's a major no from me. They would not be allowed near me or my house (which is covered in dog and horse hair)
If they moan, they just wouldn't get an invitation. Why are you letting these abusive people stay in your house? Does your DH not go crazy? I don't think mine would welcome them in.

sockatoe · 24/04/2019 23:06

Oh my!!! Whatever happens, please remember 2 things. 1) you don't have to justify or explain yourself, especially in your own home and 2) Your son is still learning about relationship dynamics. If you let them speak to you or the others in a disrespectful way, or God forbid, hit you, he will think less of you for allowing it. This is your home, your castle, your family. Be proud of your life.
Sounds awful. I do hope it goes ok if you allow it to go ahead. Do your husband and son know what to expect?

Carnivorenomore · 25/04/2019 00:04

They sound fucking bananas and abusive to boot.

OP lovey, you are a middle aged mother, you don't have to live in fear of these awful people or anyone else. You are allowed to have boundaries, you are allowed to kick back against anyone who oversteps them. Be proud of your home and your family and your job and feel free to shout, swear and rail against anyone who tries to make you feel inadequate. I understand, I've been there and done it and it's bloody liberating!

Take care

Greyeye · 25/04/2019 01:45

Thanks all - I honestly don't know how I survived my childhood.

Their obsession with tidiness is just example of what a pair of control freaks they are.

OP posts:
dreichuplands · 25/04/2019 01:55

They really do sound actually abusive.
If they try and judge you just remember that you have never physically abused your family due to cleaning and control issues.
They are very lucky to have an invite to your house.

jameswong · 25/04/2019 02:53

Imagine they weren't coming. Imagine how happy you would be. Your husband would probably break down in a flood of joyful tears. You could sit at the weekend with a bit of toast and some tea with your feet up.

You can still have all that. You can still make it happen.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 25/04/2019 05:35

You parents sound abusive. People come to my house and my normal saying is:

I have three rules:

  1. please do NOT move anything, because then it will show the dust
  2. you know where the kitchen is, if you want anything, do it or make it yourself
  3. if you don’t like my untidiness, you best not stay.

🤷🏻‍♀️Simple. For what it’s worth I do hoover and dust but only weekly, not like some of my daily friends, and it’s not actually really untidy, except a few friends live in ‘show home’ types houses. I used to be amazed when their dc was little- where were all their toys and books?🤔

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 25/04/2019 05:57

You don’t have to worry about this, OP, really you don’t. Tell them it’s your house and if they don’t like it, leave. Or better still, don’t have them visit at all. I wouldn’t allow someone who had hit me to visit my house. Your boundaries have been messed up by their behaviour towards you as a child but as an adult you are not obliged to accept this!

AmeriAnn · 25/04/2019 06:14

Pull a few drawers out and pretend the house ransacked.

ItsalmostSummer · 25/04/2019 06:17

Why invite them over? Just because they’re your parents? They would need to show more than that for me to get an invite. Hitting you as an adult? Nope. They wouldn’t be at my house.

Fairylea · 25/04/2019 06:18

Your parents are abusive. You don’t owe them anything. You are crazy to invite them over. You should be low contact at the absolute minimum.

MrsMozartMkII · 25/04/2019 18:14

I hope they either didn't turn up, or you pulled up the drawbridge lass.

Greyeye · 26/04/2019 04:38

It went ok.

They commented that the house looked nice and tidy...

They were there for about an hour and a half.

They are very odd indeed.

OP posts:
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