AIBU? Another wedding one!

[Dontdragyourfeet]

A friend I used to work with is getting married this autumn.

When we worked together (about 2 years) we got on really well, met up outside of work a handful of times, and would message each other fairly often.

Since she left work (a year ago) we have only been in touch a few times, and 90% of the time it's instigated by me. I've suggested meeting up but it's very much along the lines of 'that sounds good' and then nothing comes of it. I'm not overly fussed tbh as I know people are busy and have their own things going on. I did however start to get to the point where I'd sort of written the friendship off.

Recently however my DP and I received an invite to her wedding. It's quite far away and is difficult to get to, and then when we get there it's camping...which isn't really my cup of tea. If it was a closer friend I wouldn't think twice about going and wouldn't mind putting in the extra effort to get there etc., but I'm just not sure it's worth it for someone I probably won't talk to after the wedding. Aibu and wwyd?

Is there nearby hotel you can stay at and just drive to the wedding then, and make a mini break for yourselves out of the rest of the trip?

It sounds as though this friendship has drifted. Send her a kind message along the lines of What a pity that you’re already going to a wedding in X that weekend. You hope she has a great time.

Agree with poster above, either accept it for the kind gesture it is and enjoy it and that could mean finding alternative accommodation or don't go.

I'd be politely declining.
But, I don't really get the whole "If I've been invited I must attend" approach.
I go if I can/want to or can't get out of it (which is rare).

It's kind of her to ask but if you don't want to camp and there's no other options then don't go.
I definitely wouldn't go

I wouldn't bother travelling a long distance to the wedding of a friend I was no longer in regular and recent contact with. I certainly wouldn't go to anyone's wedding that involved camping.

My problem would be working out what to say to get out of it as I try not to lie but wouldn't want to be brutally honest either.

If I said I couldn't attend as I'd be on holiday in (wherever) then I'd end up going to (wherever) to make it true.

Just say you can’t make it ASAP. It sounds like my idea of hell.

It's quite far away and is difficult to get to, and then when we get there it's camping...which isn't really my cup of tea.

Sorry, no flush toilets or running water - my idea of hell. Decline

If you don't like the sound of the wedding and you're pretty sure you're not going to continue the friendship after, what's the point in wasting time and money on something you won't even enjoy? Decline imo

As this is a former colleague you hardly see anymore and she can barely be bothered to make the effort to meet up, I certainly wouldn’t be making the effort to travel a long distance and sleep in a field for her. You don’t sound like you want to go so politely decline without a second thought.

I’d decline. You don’t know her very well and it doesn’t sound like you’d enjoy it. I don’t know why you would go tbh.

If I was in this position, I would send one of those ‘wedding regret’ cards which usually have something printed in them, along the lines of a space for the invitee’s name/s and ‘thank you for your invitation to their wedding, but regret they will have to decline’. You could hand write underneath ‘we hope you have a wonderful day’ and sign your names.

You do not have to give any reasons why you cannot or don’t wish to attend, that isn’t the bride and grooms business, all they need to know is numbers for catering and the venue etc. Nearer the day you could send a nice card.

Thanks all, it's been really helpful to get your thoughts as I keep umming and ahhing and think my DP is getting fed up!

I think I just feel a sense of duty to go and feel bad saying no because it's a kind gesture and as there's a lot advance notice it's not like I have other plans. But then like some of you have pointed out, there's not much of a friendship there so maybe she won't even be bothered!

Think I will make up an excuse and politely decline and then hide my phone so I don't have to read her reply.

Glad to read other people feel the same about camping too .

A wedding which involves camping? .... not sure how that would work.

(Totally misses the point ...... )

Definitely decline. Sounds grim.

Wedding regret card as suggested by a pp. No excuse needed! I’ve sent a few in my time.

Sorry, no flush toilets or running water - my idea of hell.

Our wedding venue allows camping as guest accommodation and it's definitely got running water, proper loos and showers too. Plus a breakfast option for the morning.

As others have said OP, if you feel the friendship has drifted apart just politely decline, send a card if you feel inclined or wish her well afterwards but other than that it does seem as if the friendship has fizzled. As the very cringe phrase goes, it's an invitation not a summons.

If your friendship has fizzled then a polite no thanks is fine. Nothing wrong with camping though, makes a change from the entitled people expecting their guests to spend £££ on the wedding venue that is usually the dilemma here!

Just say you can't go, don't need to explain why. She's probably not expecting you to come anyway.

Just send a decline, no explanation needed. If you wish to send a card at the time do so, but a gift is not necessary. I wouldn't go to a camping wedding if it was family, let alone an ex colleague.

Just decline, you won’t be the only ones. It’s better to decline sooner rather than later. You’re not very close friends anyway so I wouldn’t even fret about it.

Friendship has drifted, this is a courtesy invite.

Don't think friend will be too bothered.

You don't have to make anything up, just reply, thanking them for the invitation but sending apologies and wishing them a lovely day.
I'm sure they will be fine - most B&Gs are quite pleased when the numbers come down a bit from the 'invited' list.