For speaking out & not ghosting

[Stripyseagulls]

I recently fell out with a long term friend of 25 years. It’s been really upsetting & horrible but I got to the end of my tether with it all.
I have thought about it loads- I challenged her in the end & spoke out but I could have ghosted her instead.

The friendship was very one sided & I realised that she hadn’t visited me in years & that our friendship was entirely based on me visiting her & me organising everything. And yet she had no problem organising stuff to visit other people.

In the end I got fed up, kind of expressed how I felt & ended the friendship. My challenging her didn’t go down well & I had a lot of ‘how could you do this’ kind of stuff. I could have just chosen to quietly back away but I wanted to express how much it had upset me.

But was I unreasonable? Is it ‘better’ to ghost someone or to speak your feelings? For me, I felt I had to say something but I have been made to feel that I was unreasonable in doing this

Sometimes you need to speak your mind or it will drag you down. It sounds like it upset you so much that if you hadn't said anything you would be playing it over and over in your head for years. I think people only really ghost when they don't care. But it sounds like you do care.

@grumble, yes I did care and it was so hurtful. But she clearly didn’t really give a fuck and I think it was just a one sided friendship.

You can say something but you can't control the other person's reaction.

@pregg yes, that’s very true. I think that is what I am struggling with I guess & just need to move on

Ghosting is, in most cases, very cruel and leaves the other person wondering what on earth they did wrong. Speaking out, even if it hurts or is badly received, is the more mature thing to do (there are obviously exceptions to this but generally speaking).

Sometimes moving on takes time OP. It's a process. Well done for speaking your mind. It's a tough thing to do. It was the best thing to do for yourself. It means in the long term that you tried and you said your piece. It helps with regrets later on down the line. She could have acted on what you said if she chose to. At least you 100 per cent know and gave it one last shot x

Thanks @always - sometimes I think that speaking out is frowned upon & being honest when someone has really hurt you is also not what people do. I wasn’t horrible and didn’t resort to insults - but I had to be honest

I also don’t think chasing after people is very good for self esteem

Ghosting people is awful and I can't condone it unless it's for a very good reason like abusive behaviour.

Speaking out is nearly always best, I'm sorry your ex-friend treated you so badly!

Thanks @damn - it’s all been really horrible. There is almost an underlying assumption that you won’t speak out so it’s made me feel worse that I did tell her she had upset me!

The potential positive side to you speaking out is that now she knows why she lost a great friend and might possibly (if she has any insight at all) change her ways in future and stop being a dick! Problem with not speaking out is that it takes away the opportunity for the offender to learn if they were oblivious and change their ways.