Another wedding one!

[2toe]

I’m planning to get married but as seen from threads recently family issues always crop up.
My sister and I were NC from our Mother for a number of years, recently I have had contact again, my sister does not want to which is understandable.
I feel that it would be wrong not to invite my Mother but she would want to talk to my sister which would upset her. My sister would never cause a scene but simply being in the same room as our Mother would upset her and I don’t want my sister upset. So wwyd invite both and risk upsetting your sibling or only invite your sibling and risk upsetting your Mother?
It may sound ridiculous but I also feel it’s incredibly rude not to invite my Mother!

It's nothing to do with your sister. It's your day.
Do you want your mother to be a part of it?

I would elope or have a similarly tiny wedding.

Talk to your sister and politely listen to her concerns. Explain you want your mother to be there and ask what she needs from you to get along for one day, e.g. offer to seat sister with friends and family close to her on a separate table far from mother. Emphasise you are not expecting sister to talk to mother and fully support sister in not talking to her.

It sounds like your mother is less likely to play nicely, so I would approach a few sensible friends or family members on the day and ask them to keep an eye on mother to see that she doesn't bother sister, and to "intercept" if they see mother headed towards sister!

I did this at DC christening for my divorced parents, my mum made a beeline for my dad who didn't want anything to do with her, but it was easily averted by people going over and inserting themselves into the conversation so my dad could get away! My mum didn't even notice what was happening, she was just confused why everyone seemed to want to talk to her!

I would happily elope but OH would really like his family there, I’m not fussed but it matters to him so we are inviting family and close friends.
I talked to my closest and oldest friend earlier, she knows my Mother well and has already offered to have words with her so I don’t have to be the bad guy! My friend recently found out she is pregnant so won’t be drinking, she has also offered to “keep an eye” on my Mother. I’m close to my OH’s sister so could rope her in to this conspiracy along with another friend who would be more than willing.
Thanks for the advice Preggosaurus, I will talk to my sister and organise diversionary tactics with other guests!

It’s your wedding so in theory it’s your choice who you invite. However anyone you invite is free to decline.

Best talk to your sister to find out how she would feel if your mum attended, (i.e.she would consider declining if she came) and if there was anything you could do to lessen her concerns.

I had a similar dilemma recently. I am NC with my Father and haven't seen him since I was 18 (so longer than I ever knew him). About 5 years ago my brother tracked him down and they have sporadic contact due to him living on a foreign country. So when my brother decided to marry, I am faced with being in the same room as this man. I thought about it and decided that it was my brother and his fiancé's day and I didnt want to make it about me. I requested they pass on the message that I did not want to be approached and asked that he is not to be seated near me or my family. Could a compromise like that be reached?