Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to help a friend

30 replies

NameChange1021 · 23/04/2019 22:29

I have a mum friend. We see each other with the kids once a week, or less.

I have looked after her child a few times. I helped out on a few occasions and then, when I felt I'd done a favour for her but didn't want it to be a regular thing I just made excuses and she stopped asking.

She's now asked me to have her DS for a whole day this week. My DS1&2 will be at school so I would otherwise be having a child-free day (I work 4 days a week and this would be on my day off). Am I just being unkind in wanting to say no? Should I help a mate out?

I've never asked her to look after my DS at all.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 23/04/2019 22:32

No way! On your day off?!

RuLu · 23/04/2019 22:41

Don't do it! You need your day off!

JeezOhGeeWhizz · 23/04/2019 22:41

Don't do it. Say no.

iamkahleesi · 23/04/2019 22:43

My first reaction is to say no. It's your child free day, they are precious. Why does she want you to have her child? Is it an unavoidable emergency?

Chocolate35 · 23/04/2019 22:44

Nope, tell her you have plans. If those plans happen to be time to yourself then so be it. Unless she was really close and in a desperate situation I would say no.

ijustcannotdoit · 23/04/2019 22:45

It's a no from me!

PrincessDanae · 23/04/2019 22:46

For me it would depend on why she needed it. Is it something regular, like work? No, she can organise paid for childcare. Is it something unusual that she doesn't really have a choice about, like a medical appointment? Then I'd be far more willing. Is it an expensive treat, like a spa day with another friend or a shopping trip? Nope. Certainly not all day.

CallMeRachel · 23/04/2019 22:53

No way, you have an appointment don't you.

Give an inch and she'll take a mile.

KC225 · 24/04/2019 05:15

To me it would be 'why' as well. Again if its work or a jolly - no. Not if you work 4 days and you have one child free day. But if it's a hospital appointment, interview, funeral etc. I would. Those things can't really be changed and are one offs - it seems like you are prepared to help but don't want one taken advantage of which is fair enough.

Durgasarrow · 24/04/2019 05:28

Spend your one child-free day watching someone else's child? Oh HELL NO!!!

Original poster
NameChange1021 · 24/04/2019 07:36

Thank you all.
It's for work and so would be for the whole day.

OP posts:
IsolaPribby · 24/04/2019 07:39

So what are her normal arrangements for when she is at work? If you agree will she expect it every week?

Stiffasaboard · 24/04/2019 07:41

I’m normallly all for helping other women out BUT if it’s regular work and the kid for some reason didn’t have school or usual childcare then she has known this in advance and has had plenty of time to make proper arrangements.

Where is the child’s father? Other family?
What is the usual childcare setting when she is at work.

Think Id be inclined to say sorry you have plans as she sounds more of a chancer than a mate in genuine need of emergency help.

Stormwhale · 24/04/2019 07:43

My concern would be that it sets a precedent that you will provide childcare when she needs to work. She needs to find a childcare solution and it isn't you.

MRex · 24/04/2019 07:44

No, definitely not. You aren't her child's other parent.

TaxiGood · 24/04/2019 07:51

I wouldn’t give up a child free day unless there was a hospital or funeral involved, and not even then unless it was an unexpected accident/emergency or Jewish funeral or similar that happens within a day or two of the death so no time to arrange childcare. Free days are way to precious and babysitters are available.

Ellenborough · 24/04/2019 07:53

No way.

JustDanceAddict · 24/04/2019 07:54

No bloody way! It’s a work day and she needs to make proper arrangements- we used to do reciprocal childcare a bit but I wasn’t working and had my kids around too so that’s different.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 24/04/2019 07:54

I would think it was a coincidence that she needed childcare on your one non working day tbh. If it was an emergency, she'd been let down elsewhere or something I'd consider it, otherwise I'd just say no on account of having lots planned (even if that is just lots of doing nothing).

Nquartz · 24/04/2019 07:55

What has happened to her usual childcare? I would say no, my childfree day off is my time to get jobs done and listen to podcasts.

DevaDiva · 24/04/2019 07:56

If it was for something like a family funeral I would probably do it. If it's just cover for work I wouldn't, if her regular child care has let her down she'll have to take leave to look after her child. I might do it if my children were at home with me but not on a child free day.

However, if it was a really good friend and their work rota had suddenly been changed, as a one off I'd help them out.

InadvertentlyBrilliant · 24/04/2019 08:03

If you don't want to and were really looking forward to a child-free day and are planning to do something then feel free to say 'no' to her. You don't need an excuse - just tell her you want a child-free day.

What does she normally do for childcare?

I suppose it's worth considering that in the future you may have another child and whether you may end up needing a favour sometime.

PrincessDanae · 24/04/2019 09:20

What a coincidence that she has an unexpected work day on your only free day.....

dustarr73 · 24/04/2019 09:23

No i wouldnt mind her child.You need your own day off for doung your own stuff

KC225 · 24/04/2019 09:43

I think its different if your kids are off, a mum dropped off her daughter yesterday on her way to work for a sleepover with mine. At school in Sweden so they broke upnon Thursday and on Monday. They are 12 so can more or less amuse themselves but a child on their own for the whole day will slow you down.

There must be some back story, is it an inset day? I assume your kids are at different schools. Can she or the Dad not take the day off? Ask family?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.