To beg for help from the bottomless pit of desperation and despair??

[Bringmevino]

My 4yo DD and middle child has been waking up at night pretty much most of her life. The month prior to DC3s birth she slept consistently. I’m putting it down to anxiety with DC3s arrival but that was a bit more than a year ago now and the night waking has gone from once or twice per night every 9 out of 10 nights and since Christmas it’s now moving up to 3-5 times every night. It’s a nightmare. Does anyone have any advice or help or anything??? Please?!

In the same position. Hopefully someone has advice.

You have my sympathies op

Have you tried a gro clock? My 5 year old dd has always had difficulty sleeping though the night. The gro clock has helped a lot. It did take a month before she got the hang of it, but it has been miraculous.

I'm usually big on hugs and gentleness (and bedsharing) but she's 4 not 2, and 3-5 is unmanageable for any of you.
Absent any SN or other needs, I'd go for some tough love. Calm, loving but low interaction rapid return. Have you had any time away since dc3 arrived? If so, did she sleep then? And if not, could you have a few, to see if it resets her a bit and if not, to get you some extra sleep so you have the strength to resist for the following nights?

My DS1 is / was like this. I don't have any solutions, as such. But I do have buckets of sympathy.

We co-slept a lot (DS2 was born when DS1 was 22 months and HE was sleeping through earlier - in terms of actual time, not age!). There was literally no point in trying to be firm during the night, it was killing us all, so we shared beds in whatever configuration got everyone back to sleep as quickly as possible. It changed over the years!

He finally started sleeping through at about 4.5 just before he started school. He stopped sleeping again when school started (anxiety and over tiredness I reckon) and finally has been reliably sleeping through since he turned 5 (only 3 months ago though!). He remains a criminally early riser (luckily, so am I) and later bed times always seems to make it worse.

Sometimes shaking up the sleeping arrangements (like moving the bed or furniture) seemed to help, but it was always temporary. Early bedtimes are definitely better (but not foolproof). Co sleeping saved our sanity (but know it isn't possible or desirable for many) and it does pass. White noise and night lights helped and a cuddly toy with a night light in also worked a bit. But we literally tried it all! Hugs.

If it's been that way since she was a baby it's going to be a difficult habit to break. Our ten month old daughter used to wake a lot at night and my sister-in-law's mum gave us some great advice. Put her in the cot, when she starts crying loudly come in and gently pat her through the bars but do NOT pick her up. Once the crying stops or subsides a bit, leave the room. Repeat as necessary. Within a week she was sleeping through the night.

I don't know how you would do something similar with your daughter because of her age short of locking her room.

Would she sleep better in your room? If she would spare cot mattress on the floor in your room!

Anything to maximise your sleep...

Have you tried a weighted blanket at all?

Thanks for you replies, Gro clock only works for morning wakings and not at night. When I go in I’m calm and gentle and cuddly but sadly DH has been going in a lot as I’m so tired (DC3 wakes too) and I don’t hear her most of the time which is unheard of for me. I’ve had a night away from all of them and she did sleep then but that was pre December when her sleep was normal (for her). It’s difficult to bring her bedtime forward as DC3 completely refuses milk from my DH and because he’s struggling so much with the lack of sleep he’s kind of low on compassion and just quits so then I have to do DC3 or DH is Home once I’ve started doing bedtime with DC3 and all that means that DC2 ends up going to bed at the normal time. Which has extended itself to gone 8pm....aged 4 and keeping 6yo DC1 out of the room/awake as she screams her head off/procrastinates for 100 hours. At least they’ve been having mega lie ins over Easter. Hope that all made sense.

I’m planning on having a sleepover away somewhere this Saturday night just me and her and we’ll sleep in the same bed and whisper and cuddle and things. My thinking with this is sort of refilling her cup, reconnect type thing.

Wondering also if I should change her mattress, get a grounding sheet.......

I like the idea of having her in a mattress in my room. I’ll definitley try that one. Hopefully DC3 won’t wake her up.......

EmExtra no I haven’t, are they good?

Also, we’re moving in about 2 months and the plan is for DC2 and 3 to sleep in the same room but with DC2 doing this I’m not sure anyone would sleep....BUT the sleeping would definitely be shaken up a bit by the move!

Nofilter thanks, ditto!

Definitely try a weighted blanket. Ds (11) was a terrible sleeper. Never consistently sleeping through the night. We started using the gravity blanket about 6 months ago and it has completely transformed him. Sleeps perfectly!

Totally not got any experience in your specific issues here, you have my sympathies. I did find (to my surprise) that my DD1 was basically immune to DD2 crying and didn’t stir for it - seemed like white noise to her She was 3.5 when DD2 came along and I’ve lost track of the number of times I went in to apologise for the noise/keeping her up/etc and instead she was blotto already.

I would recommend them although they can be expensive, I got one for my 5yo as he has autism and could take 2 hours to get to sleep and it’s really helped him fall asleep much quicker. I found a video on you tube to have a go at making one myself as a spare for him and my eldest tried it to see what it was like and he wants it on every night now, he says it feels comforting and helps him sleep. Could be worth a try if the move doesn’t improve her sleep maybe?

Thanks very much, I’ll definitley try a weighted blanket. At this point I’m game for anything. I feel so bad for her (and me and DH!)! She can get really upset and scream the place down and she must just be so tired!

Gro clock works for us with my 3 year old. If its blue go back to sleep if its yellow you can come and get us. Occasionally have to go in and say "look at the clock, its blue so go back to sleep"

Gro clock only works if she wakes up early - like 6.30, doesn’t work at all through the night.

It's a vicious cycle the less she sleeps the worse she sleeps my middle is the same. I spent 8 years doing all methods possible.

Wish someone had shown me a crystal ball to tell me it would never realky improve.
I would have given up the fight much earlier.
If you can fit a small bed or mattress next to yours just do it.
We ended up putting our daughter in her bed at bedtime so we could still have our room available in the evenings.
Then when she woke up in the night we told her just to get in the little bed next to us. This minimised disruption to everyone and we still got our room to ourselves in the evening.
Wish I'd done it earlier and that I could get back all those years if sleep lost to battles. It has affected my health and aged me so much.
Put your sleep first and forget convention!!!

And just to add my other children slept in their beds from very early on, my young toddler sleeps through the night in her own bed. We're not an attachment parenting/co sleeping lines of family. Nothing wrong with it, but just saying I now believe some children just can't sleep and only time will tell what the issue really was no point adding to the stress trying to fight it.

Things that (sometimes work 😏) for my asd dc:
Blue calming light
Audio book CD (at the moment favouring diary of a wimpy kid)
Or
Taylor Swift CD on lowOr
Or
Sounds of the rain forest app blanket

Weighted blanket

Lavender sleep spray
(Disclaimer, she shares a double bed with her twin sister)

Obs there's no blanket with the app

My friend found her DD (sounds similar age/ sibling set up) actually started sleek g perfectly once sharing with her big sis. They put two mattresses on floor next to each other and suddenly both slept like a dream. So I second shaking things up a bit! See if it helps. My DS often comes In and co sleep with us in middle of night. Iv given up fighting it. He starts in his own bed. I figure he won’t atill be coming to mine when he’s 13!

Would you consider trying a dose of a sedating antihistamine such as piriton , phenergan or vallergan at bedtime. A few days of this may be enough to break the recurring waking habit. Alternatively have you spoken to your HV or GP?

Thanks for all the messages, definitely going to put a mattress in my room and get a weighted blanket. Funnily enough, last night she woke once quite early on and I went in and we had a snuggle and a little chat and she didn’t wake up again.

I do wonder if she’s just not a sleeper, when we move in getting a bigger bed so that she can just get into it!

I wouldn’t want to medicate her. Haven’t spoke to dr but have seen the Osteopath who has said that she’s growing a lot at the moment and that might be impacting her sleep.....

Sleep consultant