5 year olds playing outside - no parents

[graziemille567]

AIBU in thinking young kids (4,5,6 yrs old) shouldn't be playing outside on the street unsupervised?

We live in a gated community in the States. The last few weeks some of my son's friends have come to knock for him asking him to play outside- they do not have their parents with them. My son is 4, the friends knocking are between 4-7yrs old. I have not let him play out as I feel he's just too young to be out of the house without any adult supervision. TBH, I think his friends knocking for him are too young also. I know the parents very well, we all live on the same compound and the kids can't easily get out of the compound (but it has happened before...). There are no green spaces on the compound at all, the only place the kids can play is on the road, and while it isn't a public road there are still people continually coming and going in their cars, and not all of them drive at a reasonable speed considering it's purely a residential area. It's a small community so everyone knows each other, so stranger danger isn't really what I'm worried about, more the fact that kids don't always look where they are going and cars driving through all of the time. Kids that young also don't realise where the danger is. My DH and I have always said that the combo of kids running around and speedy drivers is a tragedy waiting to happen.

These other parents are all great, I really get on well with them, but they all seem so blasé about their young children running around outside with no adult supervision. I don't feel
comfortable at all with letting my son do it, so if we have time to then when his friends knock for him I go out with them to keep an eye on him. I'm all for free range children and letting them have their independence when they're ready - but 4 is far too young, isn't it? Or am I being paranoid? I just feel that living in a gated community has led to a false sense of security or complacency in a lot of the parents, and I'm the odd one out in being cautious!

I agree with you. I wouldn't allow it. My DC are teenagers, but I was always very aware and probably a bit paranoid of kidnapping and other dangers.

I watch a lot of true crime stories and it's unsupervised kids who are snatched.

My DH always felt I was over cautious and wrapping them in a bubble. He's way more lax than me.

I'd be even more cautious if I lived in the States.

Yanbu.

DS has just turned 5 and has a boy in his class who lives a few streets over. He is regularly playing outside our house alone because we have a large green. There's no way anyone can be keeping tabs on him from his house. His mum seemed quite surprised when I told her my DS wouldn't be playing out.

Yep same here we love opposite a playground and there are quite often five year olds on it without supervision. Another one who walks to school on their own

My 5yo plays out in the street with his 7yo sibling and around a dozen other 5-10yos in the street. It's not at all unusual here but we live in a quiet area, our street is a cul-de-sac that branches off from another cul-de-sac (I don't know the proper name for it, the road comes in at the top of the first cul-de-sac and part way down it is a turning which is our cul-de-sac), we're nowhere near a main road, and I can see the entire street from my front window which is where the sofa is. I leave the window ajar so I can hear what's going on out there and keep a periodical eye on them, as do all of the other parents. They mainly run in out of each others front gardens en masses or all get their scooters out and ride them up and down the pavement, over the weekend they all took out a blanket each and made a camp on the grass verge. When they're not in the street they're usually all in our back garden because we have "all the cool play stuff" (according to neighbour's 6yo).

Yanbu and arguably quiet streets are more dangerous because they are not as aware of traffic

I used to play out on the street at that age with a bunch of neighbourhood kids (and just on a regular quiet street, not a compound or a cul de sac). And that was in the mid-90s, not the 50s! I enjoyed having the freedom, and I don’t think my parents would have managed any housework without that option.

I’ve read that parents now over-estimate the POSSIBLE dangers of being outside versus the KNOWN (albeit slow-burn) dangers of physical inactivity and excess screen time.

I totally understand the impulse to be protective, and I can’t really imagine my 2-year-old DD going out to play by herself in the next 2-3 years, but that’s what I try to remember anyway...

I also used to play out at that age. My mother watched from an upstairs window, where I couldn't see her, and when she wasn't watching, the neighbours were. I was an only child, so it was nice to spend time with older and younger children and socialise.

We were usually in and out of back gardens and houses at that age, but I had free rein to choose where and with whom I played, so long as I was back for tea.

Oddly, my favourite thing to do was visit a neighbour who had a toddler and play with his toys with him ... gets a bit nostalgic and drifts off

We let dd play in the fenced back yard at 5, but I kept a window open so I could here her and I never went more than a minute without checking on her. Front yard came a couple of years later. It’s a big subdivision with big yards away from the street.

there’s a little boy on my street who has just turned 5 who regularly plays out alone. he plays in the pub car park down the road and right up the top of a big field where there is no way for his parents to see him. he rides his bike in the middle of the road and i’ve seen several near misses with cars. he also hangs out of his bedroom window shouting to people in the street. a few weeks ago he knocked on our door at 7.45 in the morning to ask if our little boy was playing out (he’s also 5 and there is no way on this earth he’ll be playing out anytime soon!) another neighbour expressed her concerns about the situation and received a mouthful of abuse in return.

Are you British?
In many western countries this is perfectly normal. I know it is not normal in Britain.
If you are British, you need to recognise that there are cultural differences, and these are often particularly stark when it comes to child rearing.

If it's a gated community sounds about normal

In our neighbourhood's a young boy of 5 was knocked down by a neighbours car and died. Absolute devastation for family and for driver as he dashed out.
Children need supervision but be aware that other parents may be using you for supervision knowing you always go out.
It's a pain being out there but it's the only way l would let him out.

I do not think you are unreasonable. I would never let a child that young be unsupervised.

Children are much more likely to die in car accidents as passengers, than as pedestrians. But nobody says we should stop putting children in cars when a child dies in a car.

I'm in my 50s and wasn't allowed out anywhere without a parent (either mine or my friends) until I was 10 or 11 including walking to and from school, but it was a good 20 mins walk away. 5 years old is too young. Yanbu op.

Mine were out from 4 if older children were out, we live on a gated estate. They were told they never went outside the walls.

Bibbitybobbety, If that was in Britain, that was very unusual then. The stats show the majority of kids back then were walking to school without an adult by 7 or8.

When my children were that age, (early 90’s) I never let them play out but if their friends came knocking I would say they can play in my garden or I will go and play out with them. I was like this until they were about 9/10😂. Our garden (house was out of bounds) was always full of happy children and I used to just sit on the park reading if they wanted to go out. I think I was used as a carer for the streets children, (but none of them got ran over or stolen) I didn’t mind, I love children and hearing them playing. I would go and sit out with him OP if he does want to play out.

I was going to say that happens here, but is unusual as we are in a gated compound. But I see you are in a similar set up.
I dont like the 4 yr olds on their own. I have no issues with the 6 yr olds. I have massive issues with the parents who send their kids to the pool without supervision
On balance, i think another summer (or two) of supervision isnt a bad thing, but it will be an unusual thing in your environment.

Thanks for all of your replies! I am British, and would happily let him play out if there was a green space somewhere away from the road and that I could see from our house - but there isn't. A few months ago some of the young kids managed to get into one of the neighbours back gardens which has a pool in it and were mucking around by the edge of it - the parents found them doing it but still let them go out unsupervised despite the kids showing clearly that they can't be trusted to know what's dangerous.

I don't want to be an overprotective helicopter parent, but also know my child is not ready. There are no pavements so as soon as the kids are out of the house they are pretty much on the road, and judging by all the complaints at the monthly neighbourhood meetings, drivers aren't making an effort to slow down. So I think I'll stick to supervising him outside!

I think anyone who moves abroad finds that there is some aspect of childcare in their new country that horrifies them. It doesn't really matter what people in Britain think.

Why don't you just ask the kids in...let them play in your garden?

Gated community and a large bunch of local kids- I'd have no issue. As long as child is able to follow simple rules regarding how far from house they are allowed to go.

It's a gated community so I'd assume it was fine. My 5.5 year old plays out with his friends without supervision all the time in Norway.

It depends on the size of the community. Probably not.