To have called someone a cunt for the first time ever

[ShatnersWigIsActuallyAMammoth]

Saturday night, forthcoming bride and groom had a drinks at a pub for those who couldn't make stag or hen (although those who had been on those other events still went).

Discovered yesterday that very good friend of mine drove home. I don't know how much he had had to drink as I was only there two hours but many pints and some shots.

He knows he shouldn't have done it. I'm amazed he wasn't stopped as he had to drive through town (total journey 3 miles) and with it being bank holiday weekend and about 1.30 am there would have been plenty of police around.

Apparently this is "only" the second time he has done it, last time being about 20 years ago. He is well aware he shouldn't have done it, is rather mortified it happened at all but when he told me I called him a cunt (a word I have never uttered before) for endangering not just his own life but other people's.

He and his wife regularly get pissed - usually drive in, leave one car overnight in their work secure car park and then taxi home and then come and pick car up the next day.

I've been concerned for some time about the amount they drink but especially him. He has health issues, has put on a lot of weight and his mother in law (alcoholic) died aged 60 last year.

I said that the obvious answer is to always walk in or taxi in, then there is no danger of it being repeated. Or better still, drink a damn sight less. I rarely drink more than one glass of wine but if I do, I use the bus. Apparently reducing his intake is not an option.

I've been socialising less with them lately as their life revolves too much about going out for drinks rather than doing stuff. I've mentioned to another very close friend that this guy is a functioning alcoholic and that while I am happy to go out with them if we're doing things, if it is literally "pub?" I'm not going as I don't want to be enabling this behaviour. Friend seems to think it is not an issue. Another of our mutual friends (a dry alcoholic) also thinks this guy is a functioning alcoholic and is also only meeting up if we're doing things non-pub related now.

Sigh. Was I being unreasonable calling him a cunt? Am I being unreasonable in suggesting to another friend that she is enabling them by continuing to drink with them (she doesn't drink a lot herself but never used to drink at all)? If we go out to a film or go round their house to watch a film, they won't drink - but if they know someone else will go to the pub with them it's like they've been given permission to get pissed every weekend.

I don't think anyone will disagree that calling a drink driver a cunt is wrong.

Ywbvu to call another friend an enabler. It's not her fault they drink.

@pessimistic I do feel a bit torn about the enabling bit because you are right, it's not her/our fault they drink. But if when there is a suggestion of "pub?" from them and we all say no, I know they won't drink at home. But if friend A says "yes" then all bets are off and they will get trollied. If I said "yes" and friend A wasn't there, they would probably only have a couple because I don't drink much.

Calling him a bad name because is drove whilst drunk, understandable.
Dictating how much a person should drink, calling them an alcoholic, calling other friends enablers and basically trying to take the moral high ground? You're the one being unreasonable here. How much he and his wife drink is none of your damn business.....
If he wants to get pissed every weekend, that's his choice, not yours...
If you're that concerned about his drink driving, call the police the next time you suspect he's done it...

I love a C bomb myself

You seem to every involved in the life of other people and discussing them them with your friends.

Yes of course he was wrong to drive drunk but you knew that before you posted.

The rest of it- keep your nose out and find something more profitable to spend your time. Maybe get a hobby or read a long book.

@drivemecrazy1974 When have I dictated? I am concerned for him primarily and he himself spoke to me last year saying he knows he needs to drink less. This is one of my closest friends. He has kidney problems that mean he is likely to need a transplant in a couple of years, he's putting on weight, he's seen his MIL drink herself to death.

Had I seen him drive off, yes, I would have reported him. My cousin is in a wheelchair due to a drunk driver. He's never done this before (apart from 20 years ago apparently), usually taxis home, and he told me about it yesterday, I wasn't aware of it otherwise. The fact that his drinking has got to the state that he did that seems pretty scary to my mind and I'd have thought to most people it would concern them that they had done it.

I'm not a teetotaller, but no, I don't go out and get pissed most Fridays and Saturdays and spend Sunday posting "I'm never going to drink again" on Facebook due to the horrendous hangover.

OP - this is MN. You know it's all wine o'clock and gin o'clock around here. You're allowed to be concerned about any other aspect of a close friend's health but not if it involves drinking. Apparently it's a sacred cow. Ridiculous giving you a hard time as some posters have.

I've been in your shoes. And oddly enough, our social group did precisely what you suggest - not going to the pub with them anywhere near as much. And it DID mean they drank a lot less. In effect, we WERE enabling them by being "up for it".

I also don't see why some posters think it wrong you've discussed this with a couple of other friends from clearly one social group. If this guy and his wife split up and she took it very badly and was drinking all the time, you think everyone would ignore it? Like fuck they would. Hypocrites.

How the hell do you get to adulthood without having called someone a cunt before?

When did you call him this?
What was his reaction?

Yanbu.
I would also be phoning 101 and informing them that he drove drunk.
Maybe a word from police might shock him into reality.

How the hell do you get to adulthood without having called someone a cunt before?

I can't even get to mid morning without calling someone a cunt most days