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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

But I don't think I am

14 replies

poppiess · 23/04/2019 13:29

Ok so I'm a single parent of two as I have split from their dad. He has contact with them but usually just a couple of hours a day, doesn't have them overnight (but that's a different thread) and doesn't really take them out outside of my home, despite me trying to encourage him too.

So I have recently rekindled an old friendship as we're now both single so we're just seeing where things go romantically. We're obviously a very very far way off him meeting my children, my mum would introduce us to new partners very quickly so I'm extremely cautious of not doing this.

He works away in the week and is at home on the weekends, he has his DC one night a week/2 days over the weekend leaving a Friday night and a Sunday night to see each other. This works brilliantly for me as I'm obviously busy with the DC through the week so it's a nice thing to look forward to seeing him on a weekend night.

I invite him round mine because I have no other childcare. He only ever comes round when they're both flat out asleep so i know there's no chance of them meeting. My mum couldn't mind them as she's very much a "ive raised my children" type of person. XP won't have them because he's an arsehole not got the "room" apparently.

Now XP has caught wind that I'm seeing someone. I don't really care because as far as I'm concerned I'm a grown adult who is allowed to move on from toxic relationships, just as he is doing with multiple people. But he has seemed to have a massive issue about him coming round when the kids are in bed as this makes me irresponsible to have him in the house (?)

I have known my friend for about 8 years, used to see him regularly when we were both single, I know him very well but XP thinks this is all lies.

So AIBU (I'm not) to invite this man round while the kids are in bed or does XP have a point and it is abit stupid and I should probably just stay single forever as I have no other chance to socialise but in my own home?

OP posts:
OrangeSunsets · 23/04/2019 13:31

If ex had a problem then he should step up and look after his children! He should have them overnight at least one night a week!

So no, YANBU but I’m betting you could do with a night out!

Disfordarkchocolate · 23/04/2019 13:33

Nothing wrong with this. I did it for months until I was sure it was ok to meet my children. If I hadn't we'd have never gone out.

Waveysnail · 23/04/2019 13:38

I think its fine. Kids are in bed and you know the bloke well. Ita nice to have company on an evening

poppiess · 23/04/2019 13:41

I couldn't agree more orange! I would bloody love a night out but don't get the chance while he can go out when he likes and no one bats an eyelid.

I knew I wasn't BU so thank you for confirming lol

OP posts:
Meandwinealone · 23/04/2019 13:42

I presume he’s not staying the night. So even if one of your dc woke up they would just see you having dinner? Watching a film?
If you’re being rogered over the kitchen counter I might be a bit more wary - even if you think your kids won’t wake up!!

poppiess · 23/04/2019 13:43

No he doesn't stay the night, and yes just usually watching a film etc but I'd get to them before they came down the stairs anyway just so the didn't meet him yet.

OP posts:
LoudestRoar · 23/04/2019 13:44

Your ex isn't thinking of his kids, he just doesn't want you with Any one else.
Therefore, crack on and enjoy yourself!

Meandwinealone · 23/04/2019 13:46

Your ex is a knob. Just grey rock
All the way.

Nanny0gg · 23/04/2019 13:47

Why is your Ex only have contact in your home?

cstaff · 23/04/2019 13:47

If he doesn't like it he can look after his own kids but we all know this has nothing to do with the kids.

poppiess · 23/04/2019 13:52

Nanny because he's an idiot and has every excuse in the book as to why he can't take them out to do anything or take them to his house to spend quality time with them so now it's just the norm

OP posts:
Meandwinealone · 23/04/2019 13:54

I’d be stopping that ASAP. It’s your home. He needs to take them out. End of

JagerPlease · 23/04/2019 13:54

Not unreasonable at all, particularly given you have no other opportunity to "socialise"!

Would you have a friend over in the evening when your kids are in bed? I would presume so, and as such, this really isn't any different unless there's a risk of them catching you in the act!

StormTreader · 23/04/2019 13:55

"Oh, some time alone with him sounds great! When are you available to take the kids for a weekend? They'd love to see you!"

And watch him panic.

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