AIBU to be annoyed by this attitude?

[JellyBabied]

A friend was cheated on by her long term partner some months ago and is plotting revenge on the other woman. Her action would be illegal(destroying expensive property) and I told her what I thought of it and that I can't support it at all. A mutual friend said You've obviously never been cheated on.Well I have, twice, but I didn't think of taking revenge. I was hurt and upset but they were welcome to him, and though I'm not someone who thinks that the other woman(assuming that they knew) is innocent it was my partners who had the greater responsibility to me.

I've heard this in other examples that if I wouldn't react in the same way as someone else that I've obviously never been there/been through that, which is usually nonsense. Including being told that I didn't care about a family member's death because I wasn't acting as they expected

AIBU to be annoyed by this attitude and to think that we all react differently in certain situations and there's often no right or wrong way?

if she's planning on doing something illegal then she must be a bit daft. I get that she's hurt but revenge isn't going to change that and could potentially get her into trouble.

Personally, I agree with you and that it's a waste of time and energy, but you can't force her to agree with you. Just be there as a friend if and when the shit hits the fan.

Everybody acts differently to different scenarios. Whilst there may not always be a right way and a wrong way obviously in some cases there is an illegal way. Some people just like to plot revenge without actually carrying it through though. The plotting could simply be a cathartic exercise rather than a definite plan of action.

Illegal actions will come back to bite her on the arse.
Also its her cheating partner who is at fault, not necessarily the OW

Takes two to tango. He didn’t cheat all by himself.

I agree that she's at fault too. I don't let the OW or OM off the hook, but I think that her partner bears even greater responsibility, and I'm not a fan of revenge, not for cheating certainly. If someone killed a family member though I suspect I'd want blood.

Also. Sorry if I'm clear as mud but my focus isn't on my friend's threats to the OW as the other friend who said that because I don't agree with taking revenge that I haven't been cheated on. I see it on MN too that someone says You obviously don't have children because the other person disagreed with them. It's the attitude that because I wouldn't do X, Y or Z that I obviously haven't experienced that situation that bothers me.

I can understand the OW is an easy target for your friend but honestly I would blame mostly her partner if I was your friend!

If she does something illegal it could destroy her future - what if she gets caught? I would remind her that no man is worth that trouble!
And that karma is a b*tch. If the OW knew about your friend during the affair then what karma will do the revenge eventually.

Well obviously you can experience x,y or z and have a completely different reaction as everyone is a different person. That said sometimes if we are truely honest with ourselves we may have these feelings deep down but dont let them go any further. As an example with cheating I would be quite happy to see a cheating partner or OW OM suffer a plague of locusts or some other horror but I would never plot or seek revenge iyswim

Oh I totally understand thinking unpleasant thoughts about them or dreaming of revenge. I'm not totally immune to that, it's more other friend's insistence that because I didn't agree with actually taking it(and cheated on Friend has apparently taken action in the past) that I don't know what it feels like to be cheated on.

Likewise an acquaintance who was convinced that I wasn't really upset about losing a family member because I wasn't crying constantly and was focusing on organising the funeral(my way of coping). I was devastated but I'd barely had time to process it and everyone reacts differently to grief.

of course, every situation is individual. But how many shitty men are "just about to divorce", "no longer intimate with wife", or simply "misunderstood"? OW might just be blissfully unaware.