Aibu to ask this of him?

[loveheart27]

Regular poster but have name changed as I don't want this linked to my other posts, haven't had the best relationship with mil she has come between myself and partner too many times, before we had our dc she never came to visit us but after she likes to come weekly and sometimes at the weekend too! Now here's my aibu... it causes me a lot of anxiety when they come and I'm thinking maybe every other week or weekend would be better but I don't want it to seem like I'm being bossy and so they can say well loveheart doesn't let us see grandkids ( which she has form of saying if things don't go her way ) me and dp have split up and are trying to work things out he goes to a hobby 3 evenings during the week so we only have 2 full evenings and one is spent with mil wibu to say to partner that if his mum has to come every week then he needs to give up 1 evening of hobby so we don't miss out on quality family time, please bear in mind this woman has split us up and we are now trying to work things out,sorry if this post is a bit rambling I tend to do that when I'm stressed xx

Yanbu at all. She needs to visit less, and by prior arrangement.

Also, your dp needs to wind down the hobbies. It's just not reasonable when you have young children. I think 3 days a week is too much, whether mil visits or not.

3 evenings a week is too much with young kids. He should be prioritising his kids, not his hobby.

Sorry, have you split up with him but you're still living together? I'm confused.

If what you say is right, and the woman has apparently destroyed your relationship, then FWIW I'd BE bossy and feel no conscience about it. It doesn't matter if she says you won't let them see DC. What you're doing is out of your own goodwill, which you're not compelled to give her, and if she continues to act up that goodwill can easily be revoked. Once-weekly visits can also be fairly excessive even when relations are good.

I'd be inclined to go further and say she can see DC during ex-DP's contact time only. After all she's his mother, and he is responsible for facilitating contact between her and his children. You are under obligation to do precisely nothing.

Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time.

Thankyou for your replies, so please to hear I'm not being unreasonable, I don't mind so much the 3 evenings but I do have an issue when we have to spend the evening with his narrascist mother ( sorry have no idea how you spell that) yes still living together separate rooms, we were so good together until she got nasty and sneaky I think having dc she got jealous maybe, no idea why!! How often would you say seeing her is reasonable? FWIW I'd see my family every day if I could but they haven't caused any problems xx

Imo we have 2 days in the week as he goes out the rest ( only for a few hours but we don't see him) why should we have share one evening out of the 2 we get a week!! Xx

Yes agree with pp. Don't allow this woman to bully you any more. You don't need to allow this woman into your home at all, but if you do, only allow her when she promises to stop interfering. She needs to learn to respect you. It's not right your dc see you being bullied. And stop caring what she thinks or says to dp.

On another note, do you want to be with a man who allows his mother to come between the two of you and disrespect you, the mother of his dc?

I'm not sure if I can be with him if I'm honest a lot of damage has been done, we were so good together before all this happened, I'm not sure I want to throw away 9 years because of a self centred spolit mil, part of me hates that he let it happen and the other part of me feels sorry for him that he doesn't have a good relationship with her where he can talk to her properly about it, she's very much a narsacist and will always turn it around on poor here and she's the victim!! I've told her several times what she's done and doing and apparently I take it the wrong way or I'm sensitive etc xx

Poor her!! Not poor here xx