Sad w/e - funeral to help sort

[thorn01]

morning , its been an awful w/e here , my fil passed away on Sunday , he was 84 health not brilliant but it was still a huge shock . My husband has 3 brothers but there are some clashes of course ! so now there's a funeral to sort - the brothers are thinking about a eulogy , I'm not sure my dh will want to get up and read something , he's v upset - I wondered if anyone had any uplifting /dare I say even funny dittys that could be part of the eulogy ? Or is there anyone who writes them ? would pay/donate etc thanks for your advice x

Sorry for your loss.
My Uncle died recently and they had a funeral celebrant who talked to the family and did a lovely eulogy. Perhaps the funeral director may be able to advise or see if there is a local humanist celebrant (as long as you don't want a religious service).

Sorry for your loss. When MIL died my SIL did a fairly short eulogy at the actual funeral which was a description of her life. Then my DH did a witty and warm speech at the funeral tea which provoked lots of laughter and tears.

If your DH doesn’t want to speak he shouldn’t, it’s a very personal thing and a lot of pressure.

Eulogys should be about the person and what they were like, I'd try and remember that.

Every funeral I've been to recently has been a eulogy one upmanship and circle jerk of which grandkids the dead loved the most, who they loved spending time with the most, what families took them on holiday the most etc.

Wankers the lot of them. Imo.

Sorry for your loss.

The humanist celebrant wrote the eulogy for my father. She spoke to us and asked us questions about him. She did a fantastic job.

I would suggest that you speak to the person who will conduct the funeral service or ceremony. I conduct many funeral services. Sometimes a family member will write and deliver the eulogy or tribute, sometimes the family write it and I speak on their behalf. On other occasions I have a conversation with the family about the person who has died, make notes and go away and write it up ready for the service. In the last instance I usually visit again to make sure the family is happy with what I have written.

If you want more help on what to write then do message. Basically, some facts, some appreciation of gifts and talents, some humour, some acknowledgment that he will be missed. A rounded pen-portrait.

Sorry for your loss. Totally understandable that DH might not be able to get up and read something. I honestly don't know how anyone can TBH.

I've been involved in the planning of both my own dad's funeral and FILs, and what happened in both cases was that shortly after their passing someone from the funeral home came to see the family and asked about them and our memories of them.

So we just chatted for a while, and said 'remember when he said or did this' or the nice things we did as children, days out, holidays, family memories etc, and the funeral home person captured all this and turned it into a Eulogy for the celebrant or someone at the funeral to deliver (neither of our families are religous and both DF and FIL were cremated and had a ceremony at the crematorium) but there were 3 options, a completely non religious ceremony, a totally religious ceremony, or one a bit in the middle, a bit 'light touch' reliogious, and on both occasions we had the middle one, with a celebrant to conduct the service as a celebration of their lives, as well as saying goodbye.

They will probably also ask you to choose 3 pieces of music to celebrate/remember FIL, and for several funeral services I've been to, there's been a sombre one for quiet reflection, something of their favourite music, and a jokey one to walk out to and remember them in a humourous way. This is where people pick Going Underground by the Jam, someone else had Come on Eileen, because that was her name, that sort of thing.

Cross posted with several others who post far more concisely than I do.

Sorry to read this. The time between losing a loved one until they are laid to rest wherever and however feels like an eternity.

If you or other relatives are now tasked with the job of planning things and you haven't already done so - I'd strongly recommend having a funeral director help and take off some of the weight, help you through the entire process from start to finish they're a Godsend at times.

Funeral services and everything included and then some can be tricky to plan, negotiate and whilst some eulogies and service reading / speakers can really leave the place howling with laughter you need to be sure it's appropriate and whatever you throw in doesn't upset or offend anyone.

My own funeral is pretty much mapped out and it's nothing but totally inappropriate, really dark, not at all funny, but really funny things to throw everyone that last spanner.

Can't offer any suggestions, thoughts or help I'm afraid but what I will stress is your husband shouldn't be made to feel it's his duty or badgered and swayed one way or another.

If he isn't up to it - he isn't up to it

Lots of love to you all though I hope you enlist support, call on people and get as many different people on board to lighten the already very heavy load.

The celebrant will have been asked to give the eulogy before; it's perfectly understandable that immediate family are too distressed, and you can give him/her an outline of your much-loved FIL's life, as PP's have said.
This poem is probably too irreverent for a church service, but if there's a funeral tea or the like afterwards.
Personally, I've already expressed a liking of it for my own funeral, but some might find it disrespectful; people can be very sensitive at a time like this. You can gauge the way it will be received by your folk far better than I could; I admit my sense of humour can be dark......
more seriously, condolences for your loss; as time passes, it will become easier to remember FIL fondly, and recall happy memories, and you will feel better, knowing that you made the effort to give him a good "send-off".
My Funeral (Wendy Cope)
I hope I can trust you, friends, not to use our relationship
As an excuse for an unavoidable ego trip.
I have seen enough of them at funerals, and they make me cross.
At this one, though deceased, I am to be the boss.
If you are asked to talk about me for five minutes, please do not go on for eight.
There is a strict timetable at the crematorium, and nobody wants to be late.
If invited to read a poem, just read the bloody poem.
If requested
To sing a song, just sing it, as suggested,
And don't say anything. Though I will not be there
Glancing pointedly at my watch and fixing the speaker with a malevolent stare.
Remember that is how I always reacted
When I felt that anybody's speech, sermon or poetry reading was becoming too protracted.
Yes, I was intolerant, and not always polite.
And if there aren't many people at my funeral,
It will serve me right.

Is there a meaningful poem that someone could read? That can have a big impact but is sometimes easier to get out when your trying not to cry, because it's someone else's words, iyswim

thanks everyone :)

thanks everyone :)