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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you know what OCD is?

71 replies

thatsnotwhatitsusedfor · 22/04/2019 23:43

I always see references to OCD almost exclusively relating to issues of cleanliness/hygiene.

Second to this is reference to issues of checking switches/oven turned off etc.

This is a genuinely innocent question, but I just wondered how many people understood that these things are not the definition of OCD, and are just simply one TYPE of OCD? That OCD can take many many forms? That you don’t have to have an issue with hand-washing for example to ‘have’ OCD? But rather that the obsessions and compulsions can take any form?

Genuine question, not intending to upset or offend anyone (asking as someone who has OCD but who has no issue with the above examples)

OP posts:
Sobeyondthehills · 23/04/2019 05:21

I have OCD and mine is routine based and it is pure hell for myself and my family

I also hate the whole I am a bit OCD.

My main grip at the moment is cleaning companies calling themselves O.C.D and then fitting words such as oven cleaning domestic or such like. I have about 15 of them round here

PhoenixBuchanan · 23/04/2019 05:44

I'm not sure why people automatically think about cleaning when they think of OCD. Is it even one of the most common manifestations? I have a diagnosis too though mine is quite mild.
The diagnosis came when I was in a blind panic of anxiety a few years ago, ruminating obsessively on worst case scenario thoughts that were taking up hours of my day. I've only had two really bad bouts like that. The part I live with regularly is the ridiculous rituals / superstitions that I have to perform, or it will lead to the death of one of my family members. Intellectually I know I do not need to splash cold water on my face 14 times in the morning and 10 in the evening after washing it, but I can't stop it either. It's fucking annoying.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 23/04/2019 05:54

It’s like bipolar. Ive had loads of people say to be I can’t possible have it. Well 4
Psychiatrists are all in agreement, but because I don’t fit what people typically think of bipolar then obviously my Drs are wrong lol. (And I am typically bipolar for the record).

Nacreous · 23/04/2019 06:01

I lived with a woman who had OCD at university.

It was incredibly painful to watch. She had the hand washing problem, but also had huge disease based fears. E.g. I cut myself and she could deal with the blood when it was on me as she knew it was my blood and I didn't have a blood born disease. But if it dripped on the table in front of her eyes it wasn't identifiably mine any more, so she couldn't touch it. She had similar concerns about red pen.

She would half drink a can of drink and then just leave it in place rather than touch it again as it could have been contaminated. She would leave all her plates and bowls because she didn't want to touch them once they were dirty, and because she didn't want them to be contaminated again between her washing them and eating off them.

She would get to the point where she couldn't put her sheets back on her bed in case they had been contaminated in the wash.

She suffered terribly with intrusive thoughts about gas leaks, and used to think pretty much all cleaning fluids smelt like gas, and woke call maintenance about them, and homeless people dying when she walked past them, and that children shrieking (in play) were being murdered. She had some difficulties with religion too, and doing "right" or "wrong".

It was awful watching her suffer like that.

MangoBananaSleep · 23/04/2019 06:12

I do have OCD. It has been pretty bad in the past but i’m Doing better at the moment.

I remember once that I had to drive 50 miles out of my way to check I hadn’t ran someone over who was standing on the pavement but close to the edge. It was awful.

I also hate germs but am messy. People have commented on this with surprise as if to say I couldn’t possibly have ocd if I’m messy!

Fiveredbricks · 23/04/2019 07:01

Both people I know with OCD are hoarders. They are not OCD about cleanliness. One did used to wash money (notes) in the washing machine with patchouli oil though 😳. You can have OCD focussed on many different things.

BillThePony · 23/04/2019 07:06

I have OCD, I have obtrusive thought about family members dying, at its worse I try to be in constant contact with them so I know they are ok. It's like my brain thinks up all these scenarios about stuff that could happen or how I could cause it.

I am pretty ok at the moment as on medication and had cbt but it does creep back at stressful times.

People who say the "are ocd" because they like their kitchen nice and clean piss me off

Treaclepie19 · 23/04/2019 07:09

Diagnosed OCD here too. Mostly controlled for now.
Flowers and Cake for all of you suffering.

thatsnotwhatitsusedfor · 23/04/2019 20:24

Thanks everyone for your replies, its really interesting to read other people’s understanding and experiences. I personally haven’t really opened up to many people IRL as the few I have I sense think I can’t possibly have OCD as I’m not obsessed with hand-washing and my house is generally quite a mess (I have very young kids).

Enormous hugs and love to all of you currently suffering, or living with/caring for someone who is Flowers

X

OP posts:
isshoes · 23/04/2019 22:09

I have OCD and for a very long time it was about feeling I had done something that constituted betraying or cheating on my DH, or feeling that he ‘deserved’ to know about some misdeed from my past, and the compulsion was to ‘confess’ these things to him. It was very difficult for him and our relationship. These days it’s more focused on DS and obsessing about his weight/health/hygiene.

Those who say they wish they had OCD about X,Y or Z, be careful what you wish for. I’ve had all manner of manifestations, and none of them are easier to deal with when you’re in the midst of it. The grass is always greener etc...

Elephantbiscuit · 23/04/2019 22:34

I'm so glad for this thread. I've had OCD since childhood suffering with everything from obsessions with illness, religion and contamination to intrusive thought that at one point made me suicidal. I became severely agoraphobic in my 20's partly because of OCD.

For those of you still suffering with it especially intrusive thoughts ERP therapy can often help more than CBT.

catx1606 · 23/04/2019 22:47

Another OCD sufferer here. I have intrusive thoughts regarding harm to people and do rituals to combat them, otherwise known as the Pure O side. I have driven back after going to work to check that the gas hob was off otherwise it would catch fire. I hate it with a passion when people say that they're OCD with their furniture or OCD about cleaning when they just like a clean house just like being organized. I think programs on the cleaning side of things have made it too light hearted when its a disease that can totally ruins lives

Tunnocks34 · 23/04/2019 23:25

I have OCD. I am very clean and organised generally but it’s not a part of my OCD. I have health anxiety and intrusive thoughts that require a pattern of behaviour to correct.

So for instance I have to read my children an even number of books or I am convinced they’ll die in their sleep.

When my two year old was constipated, rather than accept the logical thinking (which I am capable of) which said it was due to the fact he hadn’t drank much water that day, I became convinced he had neuroblastoma, and spent 9 hours researching it when everyone was asleep, secretly sneaking into his room to feel his belly for lumps.

If I fill my car up and it lands on 10.01 I have to go to 20.00 if that then hits above 20.00 I will continue in units of 10. I have once not managed to do this correctly in my car, and couldn’t bring myself to go to work. Instead I had a panic attack. In a petrol station fore court.

My OCD is always present but it tends to spike, and then lay almost dormant, well not dormant as I always have little ‘quirks’ but dormant enough that I don’t have to call in sick or that I don’t have a panic attack if one of my ‘quirks’ doesn’t plan out. Interestingly, when I do have a ‘spike’ number my OCD, which I have had currently due to other stressful events I’ve been going through, then I become the opposite of a ‘typical example of what people imagine an OCD suffered to be’ - I stop washing properly, I become very messy, I eat shit food etc.

CBT has saved my life really, I can utilise these techniques really well and manage my OCD behaviours in my day to day life, although if I do have an excessive amount of stress in my life, I will spiral and be unable to manage it. It feels like I’m falling down a dark hole, and I’m trying to stop myself by grabbing a silk robe, but my hands just keep slipping. Like I can’t get a grip.

Tunnocks34 · 23/04/2019 23:31

I also once thought I saw a police speed camera on the motorway. I wasn’t speeding particularly but when I looked down I was going 72mph. I drove home, and then drove 30 Miles’s up then motorway to see if it was a police car or a highway maintenance car. It had gone whatever it was. And I spent 35 days panicking I was getting a speeding ticket. Which actually isn’t the end of the world I either - I’ve never had one and I’ve been driving long enough that once speeding offence is an inconvenience at most.

KurriKurri · 23/04/2019 23:31

Also a sufferer - mine is well controlled atm (although I dread it may come back in spades one day) It isn;t in any way cocnerned with cleanliness or germs - I have dogs, I do gardening, I'm not at all squeamish (would happily clean up bodily fluid or treat injuries).
Mine was all ritual based - to the point I couldn;t actually go to bed at night until I had touched the inner edge of the door 50 times with the side of my hand (which was of course permanently bruised) if I was interrupted or lost count, I'd have to start again. The I had to line up the curtains (again tugging lightly on the edge of the curtain a set number of times) and line up my shoes. If any of the processes were interrupted, I had to start again. if I got up to go to the loo, I had to re do the whole process. I had to do it before I could leave the house.
In the car as apassenger I had to touch the inside of the door in a kind of sequence with my own breathing a set number of times - if either the touching or the breathing went wrong, I had to start again. It could go on to the point where I could hardly breathe and was gasping. Drove my poor XH mad (he was ahorrible man, but I can see these things would be hard).

I knew it wasn't normal, I could be totally rational about it, totally see that it was bizarre behaviour, but I couldn't stop it. It started when I was growing up - traumatic childhood, where my brother was seriously ill and regularly rucshed to hospital. I was regularly fetched out of school and told to sit with him because he might die, eventually when I was in my early twenties he did die - I just had an awful fear of things happening to my family if I didn;t do the rituals. It felt like the only way I could control a terrifying world.

Sorry - that is rather long - just wanted to illustrate how it can manifest itsef in different ways. It is a hideous thing, hideous. Huge love and empathy to everyone who has it. And yes it is very annoying when people trivialise it by claiming to be 'a bit OCD'. There were lots of internal invisible compulsion and rituals going on for me as well - endless shit going on in my mind that I couldn't escape from Sad

Tunnocks34 · 23/04/2019 23:38

I think OCD is so ugly. It’s portrayed as almost a quirk. Shots of pretty owman scrubbing their hands, or lining up tins of beans.

They don’t portray it in its true form, like when my son was born and I couldn’t have pencils in the house Incase I stabbed one through his soft spot. Or Incase someone stabbed one through his soft spot - why my brain imagined that horrifying scenario I don’t know.

BeanTownNancy · 24/04/2019 00:11

My brother and I grew up with a violent, unstable unpredictable bipolar alcoholic for a father.

I, as the younger sibling, never learned to control my emotions properly and have EUPD. I'm working on it, but it's taken years.

My older brother internalised the instability of his childhood into OCD, feeling that if he is just "good" or "careful" enough, that he can predict any possible thing that could go wrong. And equally, that if he doesn't remember to check the doors often enough that his house/car/filing cabinet will definitely be broken into and his family will be murdered and he will get fired from work and it'll all be his fault. So he obsessively tries to plan everything, checks and double and triple-checks everything and ties himself in knots trying to make a simple decision. It's heartbreaking to watch.

AlunWynsKnee · 24/04/2019 00:26

Mine's a bit like Tunnocks. But different. It's affected my life significantly and the avoidant behaviour is ludicrous. I have had some significant success with CBT but there are still situations where I go to pieces.
It's annoying that you get a tiny grip on one manifestation and up it pops tangentially to set you off again. The CBT has given me strategies to try and stop giving new intrusive thoughts the space to get a hold.

Lasttobepickedatgames · 24/04/2019 00:26

The book 'The man who couldn't stop' by David Adam is well worth a read op.

Other people haven't a bloody clue. I once mentioned to someone I needed some formal help for it and they seriously told me it's not something to joke about because it's actually a real illness people struggle with. They were so wise due to one of those cringeworthy posts that goes around on Facebook. The look on her face when I told her my knowledge extended beyond one meme on Facebook was priceless!

Marchinupandownagain · 24/04/2019 01:52

Yes, I do know it can be other things, chiefly because a very good friend has struggled with it for years (she has intrusive thoughts that she may harm people, although she is the kindest most thoughtful person I know and never would). When it's really bad, it's heartrending.

thatsnotwhatitsusedfor · 24/04/2019 09:51

I can so relate to so many of your experiences; Tunnocks and isshoes especially yours.

In my case, my OCD is focused on issues around health anxiety and intrusive thoughts around the fear I will die and leave my children without a Mother. At my worst, I was housebound for days/weeks on end, photographing and cataloging every inch of my body, categorising and labelling the pictures to check for any changes to moles (of which I have over 300), my skin, my hair, lumps/bumps etc. Once I'd done all this (which you can imagine, took a long time) I'd start it again and see if anything had changed (which of course, they would not have in such a short period of time). I then decided I hadn't been thorough enough and bought a microscopic camera so I could photograph all my moles in more detail, for example. I have done similar in fear of many other conditions (e.g. breast checking hourly for lumps or changes, for example....).

My psychotherapist and psychologist refers to OCD as 'the checking disease' because we're all concerned with the need (the compulsion) to check something ISN'T happening (e.g. the need to check someone will stay safe, preventative courses of action etc.). They also made me understand that OCD is mostly prevalent in people who are generally extremely empathetic and caring; it is a disease that focuses almost exclusively on the prevention of, or the fear of, something bad happening to yourself (which would, in turn, cause hurt to your family via grief etc.) or someone else, which is driven by OCD latching onto the empathetic nature of a person.

CBT and EMDR has helped me enormously but I know now that this is not something that will ever go away, merely something I can control as best I can with hard work, practice and self-regulation, but I live in constant fear of the next relapse.

My psychologist also, quite rightly, helped me to understand how OCD acts as a bully. So, you may get one facet of your compulsions under control but the OCD will try and bully you in other ways. For example, last year, I'd been managing it really well and felt prematurely confident that I was 'sorted'. But triggers can surprise you and they catch you unawares. One morning, I woke up and quite simply realised I couldn't clearly remember getting into bed the night before (as in, with any specific detail; had I put my pj top on first or my bottoms? Had I brushed my teeth before washing my face or the other way around?) I became fixated on the fact I couldn't remember it clearly and then, suddenly, a tidal wave of anxiety hit me and I became completely convinced I must have somehow done something dreadful which my mind had blocked out. I started to believe I must have left my DH in bed, and gone out to a bar, met someone and been unfaithful, which would have ruined my marriage, so I decided my mind had blocked it out. At the time I couldn't see how ludicrous this must have sounded to him (seeing as I had been lying in bed next to him for the whole night) yet I was convinced I had broken up our marriage yet couldn't remember. Again, OCD latches onto your absolute worst fears, and drives you towards trying to ensure they don't happen, or becoming convinced that they somehow already have. You can also start to seek for evidence of things that HAVEN'T actually happened (e.g. the poster above who had to check she hadn't run someone over; very, very good, albeit heartbreaking, example of an OCD event-obsession). You can become obsessed with finding evidence of something that doesn't actually exist, therefore, the cycle can never end (because you can't find evidence/proof of something that hasn't happened). This was probably my lowest point as I was suffering with not only the intrusion of worrying what I may have done but the sudden realisation that I would never actually be free of OCD and it's control. It was absolutely terrifying, but in hindsight, prompted me to take a more aggressive course of action via psychotherapy so I have to be grateful for that.

I find it quite hard when I try and explain to people about my own experiences with OCD (which I still find very taboo and very hard to do) that people don't really 'get' it or, dare I say it, even 'believe' me simply because I don't wash my hands until they bleed and I don't have to check I've turned the oven off twenty times before I've left the house, or ritualise constantly etc.

Really interesting reading on this thread and I really appreciate those of you suffering taking the time to reply with your own experiences as I've not spoken to many sufferers IRL. Makes me feel much, much less alone - thank you xx

OP posts:
Tunnocks34 · 24/04/2019 10:09

hatsnotwhatitsusedfor I also have a catalogue of moles on my phone. I take a photo every 28 days of every mole to heck for changes. It’s exhausting to be honest.

Lungelady · 24/04/2019 10:13

Yes. My dd has it. It has affected her life greatly, and ours.

Tunnocks34 · 24/04/2019 10:14

I find my OCD means I’m prone to other obsessions though. I remmeber an ex boyfriend who I was absolutely unhealthily obsessed with. I didn’t quite stalk him but my behaviour at that time boardered in worrying. That was before CBT and I’ve never experienced obsession like that since, thank God.

The health anxiety is by far the worst part of my OCD. I am cautious not to demonstrate it to my children or of fear they’ll become obsessive over their health too, but this aspect of my OCD by far dominates my life.

thatsnotwhatitsusedfor · 24/04/2019 10:17

tunnocks it really is. Huge hugs to you. Since starting with a new therapist last year I haven’t photographed now for about a year which feels both freeing and terrifying at the same time. Can’t bring myself to delete the ‘catalogue’ though.....

OP posts: