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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed by strangers touching my baby?

42 replies

Handsoffmybaby · 22/04/2019 23:37

FTM so I’m not quite sure what’s generally accepted, prepared to be told IABU. MN regular, NC for this.

Have a six month old baby, it really irritates me that people touch her. Waitresses in restaurants, strangers on the street, etc, will reach out and touch her face or rub her cheeks whilst she’s sat in my lap or in her pram.

I further find it irritating when children touch my baby. I was in the queue at Sainsbury’s and a small child (maybe 7 years old) was in the next queue over and kept coming over and stroking my baby whilst she was sat in her pram. This has happened on the bus too-when another pram comes on and the other child pulls on my baby’s toys and reaches in and starts swatting at my baby. None of the parents ever say anything, is this just the norm for having kids? I know she will get exposed to germs at nursery and I don’t mind when other babies touch her at baby classes but it’s strangers and their kids that irritate me. DD also hasn’t very sensitive skin and often comes up in hives when people (friends and family) have held her if they’re wearing heavy lotions and perfumes, so I am especially irritated by strangers doing it.

OP posts:

HennyPennyHorror · 22/04/2019 23:46

It's perfectly natural to get these feelings. On MN people will tell you that you're being miserable etc...to not like it...but it's an inbuilt thing...we have it there to protect our babies.

I can only advise that you start telling over zealous children "That's enough now!" with a big smile "She's trying to go to sleep so it's better not to touch her"

And with adults who stroke her cheek etc...they mean no harm...keep some damp cotton clothes in a snappy bag and gently wipe her skin when you get a moment.

If any adult comes near her and you REALLY don't want them touching her, simply move the pram away...turn it away and say "She's trying to sleep" don't explain anything.

CupcakeDrama · 22/04/2019 23:47

seems normal im afriad 😩 a man put a whole grape in my dds mouth the other day at the park! i was furious. she wasnt even reaching out or trying to get it. not that that would make it ok, she simply just looked at him!

RLOU30 · 22/04/2019 23:50

If she was 6 days or maybe even 6 weeks I might see your point. At 6 months your baby is going to become very interactive with everything and everyone she can. Provided the older kids are gentle in their greetings, I wouldn’t worry.
My 10 month old loves being stopped on the street!
That’s just my opinion though.

Parly · 22/04/2019 23:52

I have a very clear, strict "no-no-square" policy whereby anyone coming with touching distance of me without invitation gets instantly told to back it up out of my no-no-square.

No child touching, dog petting, space invading socially inept Neanderthal gets away with that I don't give a shit who they are.

If someone waltzed over and started all hands to my child, dogs or what someone else said they had with a person shoving grapefruit in their child's mouth I swear to God they'd get the biggest kicking of their entire life.

RLOU30 · 23/04/2019 00:14

Fucking hell Janet Street- Porter has arrived

Driftingthoughlife · 23/04/2019 00:23

What did you say to him cupcake and how old is your DD? Would have been livid

Original poster

Handsoffmybaby · 23/04/2019 04:19

Bloody hell, a grape? Isn’t that a massive choking hazard? I’d be absolutely livid!

OP posts:

GrumpySprout · 23/04/2019 05:08

I feel exactly the same!

It really gets my back up when random strangers touch my little one! He’s 11 weeks old and there have been several occasions where people have leaned over to touch his cheeks. It always happens so fast that I don’t get a chance to pull him away.

I have no idea what germs they have in their hands and it used to upset me, particularly when he hadn’t had his first vaccinations yet. I just make sure I wipe him down if a stranger has managed to touch him.

YANBU- no one is entitled to just randomly touch your child. I wouldn’t dream of it. The way is see it is that they wouldn’t want me touching their face without permission, so why should it be ok I do it to my child.

Stinkycatbreath · 23/04/2019 06:27

Parly- A "no no square"? Really? Who above the age of five would call their personal space that?

Original poster

Handsoffmybaby · 23/04/2019 06:33

Thank you Grumpysprout! Yes I feel the same! I worry especially about her getting cold sores if someone’s just touched their mouth and then touches her face. Or measles as it seems there’s epidemics of that going around too. I wipe her too but not sure how effective that is. (Don’t mind the average cold bug but worry about the more serious ones)

Also find it strange that other parents allow their children to do this. On the bus for example, the boy in the next pram over picked up my DD’s toy and started playing with it and putting it in his mouth His mum didn’t say a word!

OP posts:

crispysausagerolls · 23/04/2019 06:38

How can people say “just wipe her cheek after” or “it’s harmless” - that’s not the point!!! People need to back the fuck up and learn how to behave, OP and others should not have to pander to their rudeness and inappropriate behaviour.

ParadiseLaundry · 23/04/2019 07:01

YANBU. Although you will get people along soon who think that because 'people love babies' and 'some people are lonely' it's acceptable and that babies are somehow public property.

I'm pregnant with no 2 and I'm absolutely dreading this. Especially when people try to put their fingers in their mouths why do people think that's ok?!

RLOU30 · 23/04/2019 07:03

I understand about the tiny babies and the pre vaccination worries but at 6-12 months I am surprised everyone is so worried about someone touching their baby.
Do you not go to baby groups/soft play/the park and interact with other children and babies ? Do you ask them all there about their cold sore/measles/whether they stroked their dog before they left the house before they touch your baby ?

And no, I wouldn’t let my son pick up someone’s toy and chew on it -that would be bad manners- but, if someone wants to say hello to DS I would let them.

There are some lovely people out there. I was on a long train journey with my son recently and if it wasn’t for the group of people around me being so patient and lovely I would have gone crazy. Two women asked to sit with him for a change of scenery and new interaction to keep him occupied.

When we were all babies people would have said hello to us on the street and no body would have blinked. God forbid something ever happens and you actually need a member of the public to step in and help one day.

balloonyellow · 23/04/2019 07:07

It’s always bewildered me why people think this is acceptable. You wouldn’t walk up to an adult and start stroking their face? Why is it acceptable when the child can’t object? I’d never dream of touching a strangers child without permission, not in this day and age! Goodness me. YANBU!

Honeybee85 · 23/04/2019 07:10

YANBU - I would feel the same.

Babies are so vulnerable and some people are just gross - for example not washing their hands after using the loo.

As ParadiseLaundry said, babies are not public property. I see it as the same discussion as if it is ok to touch a pregnant belly without asking: in my opinion thats very rude as well but some people don’t mind it.

ParadiseLaundry · 23/04/2019 07:11

'When we were all babies people would have said hello to us on the street and no body would have blinked.'

I don't think anyone has a problem with this. It's nice but there's no need to touch.

whitehalleve · 23/04/2019 07:12

You need to Perfect your death stare. Works all the time.

fluorescentorange · 23/04/2019 07:20

Ooh I think I have a lot to learn about babies nowadays! I will be a FTGran in a few weeks and I don’t think my DD will have issues with anyone touching her precious little bundle. This is all new to me, what is wrong with people, your baby will get more germs from normal day to day things than from anyone coming within a foot of her!! You know that is why we have vaccines and germs are what help our bodies build up an immune system. FFS who started this viscous rumour about germs and personal space. Just wait till she is eating mud, insects and god knows what else😂

ScreamScreamIceCream · 23/04/2019 07:22

YANBU with adults as they should know to ask first.

YABU with children as they frequently don't know how to behave. Let them interact with your baby as babies tend to prefer other children to adults. While doing so tell them your baby is a person like them too and ask them would they be happy for a stranger to grab them?

CupcakeDrama · 23/04/2019 07:27

Dd was sitting and the top of a slide when he done it, so she could have easily chocked! shes almost 2. He was feeding his own child grapes but he was maybe about 4. I walked over and immediately could see by his face his face he knew it was wrong. I told him how dangerous it was and he was very apologetic but I couldnt believe he had done it. He left the park shortly after I think as I didnt see him again after I took dd away.

Imupallnightto · 23/04/2019 07:28

@fluorescentorange

I’m so glad you’ve arrived 😂

Imupallnightto · 23/04/2019 07:29

@CupcakeDrama

That is NOT okay. Who the fuck does that! I would be furious.

KateyKube · 23/04/2019 07:30

I wouldn’t like being touched by randoms so why should my baby put up with it? If possible I whip him away, but I can’t always anticipate what someone’s going to do. I’d go apeshit if someone put food in his mouth though!

Onescaredmuma · 23/04/2019 07:33

Not too bothered by touching but I hate when old ladies (for some reason it's always old ladies) put ds's hands in their mouth however I have the last laugh as I know where he puts his hands

BarbarianMum · 23/04/2019 07:37

Your feelings are totally normal in the UK OP. Just not throughout most of the world. If you don't leave the country for a few years you'll be fine.

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