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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Marriage ended via text?

42 replies

AvocadoYUK · 22/04/2019 22:21

So a month ago my husband decided he wanted to split up. I never thought he'd want to break up ever but here we go...
Anyway, for a week he went from I don't love you to "I love you lets work this out" to I need time to think.
Sooo I went to visit my parents for a bit with our baby to give him space. He then texted me saying he wanted to come over to theirs and talk (being 4hr train away) in 2 weeks to talk about us, I replied saying I would be back by then but if it was urgent to come that weekend. (To which he declined with some loose excuse about having dinner with his mum who lives a 2 minute walk from our home..) . So he basically said he wanted to split up and wanted a divorce VIA a text there and then...
AIBU to be pissed off? AIBU to think he ended our marriage via text?? :-( :-( :-( x

OP posts:

Witchtower · 23/04/2019 19:22

OP I hate to agree with others but are you sure there is no OW?
I really hate to generalise and this will sound sexist but it takes a lot for a man to leave, I think their expectations are lower than a woman’s. They tend to be tempted to leave.
I might get bashed for that comment and if I was another poster I might bash myself.
Sorry if anyone is offended by that comment.

Original poster

AvocadoYUK · 23/04/2019 22:51

Haha definitely the only other woman is his mother hahaha

OP posts:

C0untDucku1a · 23/04/2019 22:55

My moneh is on another woman too. Why are you so certain it isnt that?

Greeborising · 23/04/2019 22:59

Don’t wish to sound cynical here but.....
There is ALWAYS an OW
Always

Greeborising · 23/04/2019 23:01

You might not be aware of her existence right now but guarantee she’ll appear soon
“Omg! How can you even say that?! Of course we weren’t seeing each other before we split!”
🙄

SnappedandFartedagain · 23/04/2019 23:04

OP I’d bet any money he has an OW. He texted you to say he wanted to visit you in two weeks’ time to find out how long he had left alone without actually asking you when you were returning. Please don’t trust him, however laughable you think the OW suggestion is.

Original poster

AvocadoYUK · 24/04/2019 08:35

Honestly I'd put money on there not being OW but this thread has gotten me paranoid and thinking about it which hurts a lot to even comprehend ! ahhhhh

OP posts:

Witchtower · 24/04/2019 12:38

@AvocadoYUK an ex of mine was someone who I wouldn’t have imagined to have cheated. Honestly, I still think about it and don’t really believe he was capable of it but it definitely happened.
You will only found out if a woman surfaces in the next couple of months.

Greeborising · 26/04/2019 01:20

And surface she will

SnapesGreasyHair · 26/04/2019 02:02

Sorry, but another one who suspects OW. Never ever thought my XH would do it to me but he did.

SpareASquare · 26/04/2019 03:42

Haha definitely the only other woman is his mother hahaha

Sorry to say but, ime, men do not leave without having someone to go TO. They just don't.
Sometimes it's the promise of something else but generally, they've got something else lined up. Always.

I'm sorry. It is a really shitty way to behave

mathanxiety · 26/04/2019 04:20

There is definitely another woman involved.

He has behaved in a shitty way in every respect, but quite honestly the problem is not the texting, it's the blowing hot and cold, leaving you dangling, that preceded that, while he no doubt sorted out his options and accommodation and had dinner with someone other than his mother..

mathanxiety · 26/04/2019 04:21

And encouraging you to be a SAHM and then dumping you is horrible.

Napssavelives · 26/04/2019 04:39

Mine did the same when pregnant with his third child. Men are arseholes. He then strung me along for a few weeks then rang the night Before my 20 week scan declaring we weren’t compatible, refused to come home and left me to go alone . I repeat men are arseholes

twinnywinny14 · 26/04/2019 04:52

He did say he wanted to talk face to face but you pushed him and he told you as part of a text conversation, it’s not the same as ‘morning I’m divorcing you’ text out of the blue. Nonetheless bloody painful for you OP. He sounds like he didn’t know what to do and has been changing his mind about everything. As a consequence of that he has messed you around, which often happens at this stage. I’m not one of the ‘OW always has to be the reason’ believers and to be fair it’s irrelevant, it’s over and you need to move forward now. Lots of love for you and take you time one step at a time

spritesobright · 30/04/2019 07:23

I think that's it, Chocomallows, you miss the person they used to be until you realise that person is gone.

I spent a while romanticising the relationship and thinking it was great until he had his midlife crisis and suddenly wanted to change everything.

But now I can see cracks like how he was grumpy so often and required placating, and how he always thought his way was the best and only way to do things.

But then a friend mentioned the other day she had seen him out with the OW and I felt sick.

So I think I'm not quite there yet.

MegaClutterSlut · 30/04/2019 08:26

I'm another saying I wouldn't be surprised if there was someone else involved, most of the time when men do this, there is. I would do some digging op

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