To not go into his house

[namechange5076]

Don't want to drop feed but I need some rational thinkers.
Background: I have a great relationship with my sister, we live a few minutes from each other- she has an abusive DH however he is going through a 'nice' phase.
He has also been horrible to me, threatened to do me over, ring my office, and just generally been aggressive.
Anyway I cut ties with him last year and agreed to still be there for my sister when she needed me but told her I didn't want to be involved with him anymore. No going to her house when he was there etc.
Anyway I was with my cousin this morning and she wanted to drop something off at my sisters so I agreed to wait in the car so I didn't have to see him, he then came out and asked me to come in, I refused.
Wibu? My sister said why couldn't I let bygones be bygones and all of that, and she said it was his way of apologising.
What do you think?

Drip*

Yanbu. Keep the door open for your sister but don't condone his behaviour. He won't be nice for long

Stick to your guns, the nice phase doesn't last long. Why put yourself through it?

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all.
He has been aggressive and unpleasant towards you, threatened to ‘do you over’!? Ffs
You’ve stood by your sister but made it clear how you feel about her husband.
You only stopped contact with him a short time ago.
I’d say, if he can maintain his new leaf for a couple of years, respecting your feelings then MAYBE you could reconsider

I’d have done the same.

YANBU

Letting byegones be byegones and accepting non-apologies are what has kept your sister stuck in an abusive relationship.

You've shown good strong boundaries - stick with them.

Thanks for confirming that iwbu, obviously there is so much more to the story, he is a very horrible man. He has done and said some horrible things to the family.
I just hate having a rift between me and my sister and I was hoping she would understand why I refused his offer to come in.
Any suggestions?

Any suggestions?

Yes.

Asking your sister WTF she's doing staying with a man who has threatened her sister.
I imagine he's already done worse to her?
How much awareness does she have of his dysfunctionality?

You sound amazing, your sister is so lucky to have you.
Please don’t rise to his bait, I wonder if he only asked you, knowing you wouldn’t go in, so he could look the injured party and cause a rift between you and your sister?
Remember he will want to isolate your sister. Please do not let this man to come between you and do this to her.

I assume from your description his poor behaviour was over a period of time and not a one off so I would explain as follows....

If he has truly turned over a new leaf then he would actually apologise for his past behaviour to everyone he was abusive/threatening to, he would also accept that even if people accept his apologies which they may not, he needs to rebuild trust which takes time.

Then highlight that you hope he has and that you’re still here to support her.

No doubt it will come up in the next argument and it will be your fault. He sounds like an idiot for want for better word.

If this was supposed to be an apology then I think when you refused to come inside he would have stayed outside with you and, you know, actually apologised.

Your sister needs to leave this guy, although you already know this. She's being very unfair to you by expecting you to put up with such bad behaviour towards you, and that's on top of all the awful things he has done to her.

Just continue to stay away from him and hope that one day she will wake up and leave for good.