To not know how to make friends as an adult

[BordjyBoo]

im 24. I work full time, live with my boyfriend. I’ve come to dread long bank holiday weekends like this because I have no friends to do anything with. So I often end up excited at the prospect of a bank holiday, nice weather etc but when it comes I just end up sat bored because I don’t have any plans.

How do you make friends as an adult? Of course I have people from work but it feels as though they have their own friends. It just seems impossible to meet anyone and form a friendship with them as all I do is work, go home, go to the gym.

My DP has been especially boring this weekend, sat in the house, I practically dragged him to the pub on Sunday so we could sit outside and have a couple of drinks. I know he didn’t really want to.

I just feel really shit and can’t see me ever having a group of friends

Find something you are interested in and get involved, when I was your age I was volunteering with Scouting, had great fun, made loads of friends, always things to do ... and I met my DH ... so if your boyfriend is really dull and boring you may meet someone more interesting .

I’ve never found it hard to make friends, & I have moved round a lot, but I do make sure I get involved in lots of things ... research your area, there will be loads going on but so many people sit behind closed doors and just don’t get out into the community.

You just need a better DP by the sounds of it.

I've made lots of adult friends online - talking about shared interests, then often taking the friendship offline by meeting up at events or just for coffee or whatever. Find things you're interested in, and then find the other people who are interested in those things.

what sort of things would you like to do? would you join an evening class, do a bit of volunteering, just go out for a walk by yourself, smile and be friendly to people you meet, it makes you feel better and helps your self esteem. don't let him drag you down.

I also find it really hard to make new friends so am probably not much help. I have made a couple the past year through our children and shared interests but I often feel so sad that I have no other friends or old friends from school etc. Do you have any family members sister's or cousins that you could socialise with more? I always feel better when I'm out doing something. Have you tried making conversation with anyone at the gym? Hope you're ok OP it's a shit way to feel

Do you have a hobbie BordjyBoo apart from gym?

The friends I have made as an adult have been mostly through interests like a book club. But it does take time and a bit of awkwardness and a lot that don't 'take'.

In my 20s my friends were from a sport. I joined a club - much more social than the gym. We started with quick drinks after training. Then the occasional cinema trip etc. Then weekends away and eventually ski holidays. I miss them still as we’re now scattered all over the world but we stay in touch via Facebook and very occasional meet-ups.

I'm in the same position as you, my DP is essentially my only friend. I've made no friends at work and book club was an utter failure for me

I’m in the same boat.

I’m sick of being lonely. So once I have some spare cash I’m going to buy some walking gear and go on some organised walks with other women in my country. Whether I’ll make friends or not I don’t know because there’s a big chance I won’t keep meeting the same people twice but it’ll just be nice to be out and about and engaging with adults who aren’t colleagues. If anything else comes of it, great!

It is really hard to make friends as an adult so YANBU to not know how. I also think that it’s very hard to go from being someone you know from X club to actual friends. That bit is probably the hardest!

Team sports ?

I’m on the committee in a running club and I’ve met so many people through that
Run a different running club, on the core team at a parkrun etc etc etc

I ride a couple of horses for owners who are scared of them/struggle with them and meet loads of people at that yard

Yes find a hobby or interest and get involved.
Look at meetup.com to see what groups happen in your area. Pop to your local library and see what is advertised there. Check out volunteer groups.
You may need to be brave because it can be scary - I went to a meetup that was a fairly large group of people I had never met so it was like the world's biggest blind date!
But I did it, have made friends and am now very involved with my hobby.

What do you like doing ?
Go and do that, and you will meet like minded people - some of them with be "hobby acquaintances" and some will become friends.

Volunteering - so many thousands of options
Sport - team sports probably better, but again, so many options
Choir
Drama
New skill - learn to do basic car maintenance / flower arranging / cooking / wine tasting / painting / knitting / BSL / wood turning / jewellry making / hundreds of options
A group to talk - book club or a politics group or a campaign group
a social group - Roteract or Lions Clubs type thing, or WI

That sounds hard op! I love spending time on my own and avoid large social occasions, but I get very lonely if I don't have a few close friends to hang out with.

The trick is to pursue activities you enjoy, as pp mentioned - that way you're sure to meet people you can chat with. And think of this as a long term project - you're building your village, not just finding one or two instant friends.

Meetup.com
The Buy Nothing Project
Volunteering for a charity that you're passionate about
Cycling club
Walking/running group
Take an art class
Join a community choir
Women's circle
FB social groups (local to your area)

Also, you might find it really helpful to do some journaling about your ideal social life. What would you like it to look like? A few close friends, or a big social circle that you can dip in and out of? Friends your own age or all ages? Do you like connecting with people who you have lots in common with or who challenge your preconceptions? Do you like having parties, going out to the pub, exercising together, or what? Get really clear on WHAT you want your social life to look like.

Then write down what it looks like now. Out of ten, how close are you to your vision? Is there something you could do today, right now, to bring you a little bit closer?

They're all correct. The key point is to find something that interests you. So you do a 'thing' (evening class or hobby or club or a volunteering or religious thing) and you're likely to meet like-minded people there. Is there anything you and your DP could do together?
And here's an extra tip (alluded to by some PPs above), if you take on anything extra (eg a 'role' in an organisation) then it kind of establishes you in the place and gives you an excuse to speak to others and them an excuse to speak to you.
Also, if you do a 'thing' then it's something you can talk about.

A big 'thing' happens when/if you have children (I know not all on here do, and that @BordjyBoo is only 24, but LOADS of people make connections at NCT (personally, I didn't) but THEN you have your baby and your baby meets other babies, and you bond with other new parents, because you're all in the same boat. Or you go to baby activities and meet other parents. THEN your child goes to nursery or CM and you meet other parents. THEN your child starts making friends of their own, and so you meet other parents. THEN your child starts school and you meet other parents (and you stand next to them in the playground twice a day for 6 years!).

You don't necessarily make friends at each stage. And some of these friendships that you do make don't last. But often, some stick.

I think friendships happen when you're thrown into something new with others (and having children does this to you).