To ask how much freedom your 13 year old has?

[MaryJaneConnor]

I’m not sure if I’m being a bit U or not.

My 13 year old DS is always out ‘playing’. He’s always been out kicking a ball, climbing up trees etc.

Now he’s 13 I’m sure he’s no longer climbing up trees but is out ‘with his mates’. I’m sure he’ll be home for his dinner soon but I haven’t seen him since late morning.

If I call him and ask him what he’s up to he’ll get all cross and call me ‘over protective’.

He doesn’t really give me any cause for concern but I wasn’t sure if it was normal to go out for hours on end without really knowing what he’s doing? (I don’t mean at night - just during the day at weekends and school holidays).

What do you think am I too much in his case?

All sounds perfectly normal just try and get to know what he is doing by casually dropping it into conversation not as though you are demanding to know just as though you are chatting.

We have/had a 'home by 6(pm) or ring' rule and ask for a general idea of where they going and who with.
We use supper time to find out that they've been doing but have always done this since they were small so they offer it up willingly.

Of course there are some things they keep private but, for the most part, we got a rough idea. Mostly at that age it involved sitting around in the park, cafe, town centre shopping, etc chatting and hating on the world!

My son is 13- he used to be out all the time when he was 11 but PS4 has taken over now. On the days he does go out he is fine with telling me what he is doing or where he has been. He knows better than to be rude to me or not tell me- I am pretty relaxed on letting him out but I don’t take any crap from him and don’t expect him to get cross at me asking a simple question.

I have a 12 yo who doesn’t have the freedom your 13 yo does.

Part of me feels I should loosen the reins but there has been an increase in unsociable behaviour by teens in the area we live and I’m not happy with him just wondering around town, with nothing structured to do.

During the holidays though, I’m mostly working and Ds goes to his dgp quite a bit, his dgf takes him out to various places and Ds enjoys his time with him. Other part of the holidays I take Ds out and about or we have time to just chill out at home. He does speak to various friends on the Xbox etc.

There are occasions we’re happy for him to walk into town to meet his friends but atm I don’t want this to be a regular event because I still think Ds is rather immature when facing different scenarios.

There certainly wouldn’t be a day currently, when I didn’t see him from the morning and didn’t know what he was up to or who with.

Ok thanks- unfortunately he can be quite rude and disrespectful which I tell him off about but put it down to hormones.

He’s just quite secretive- not necessarily because he has something to hide but it seems to be part of his personality.

I ask things like where are you going and just get the response ‘out’ and who are you with and get ‘my mates’ so not great at sharing information!

I’m glad he’s not in stuck to his Xbox but I to tend to be a worrier which his not helped by his in lack of information when I try and show an interest!

I have a 14yo and a twelve yo, and I have no issue with them heading out with friends. But I would definitely want to know where and who with. And they have no issue with telling me.
At his age I don't think it is unfair that they 'have' to tell you.

I have a 13 year old DD. She never goes out for hours at a time, and if she is doing anything by herself she will keep me informed of her movements! But her friends are all the same.

My DD is 14 but the rules are fully charged phone before you go out and if battery is low come back. Answer my texts when I send them too! Certain places not allowed to go. Text if going somewhere to let me know and stay with friends don’t go off alone

She doesn’t really go out late evening so I don’t have to have a curfew as such but if in town it’s 6pm

My dd is similar but I would not let her out without being able to track her on the friend finder app. She calls me a stalker but I won't let her go without it.

I have a 12 yo and a 14.5

Older one is reasonably sensible, will check routes for going out, takes himself to police cadets etc. He can pretty much go where he wants, but I do want to know who with etc. Unfortunately he doesn’t really have many friends (quirky personality)

DD (12) is completely naive, everyone is her friend. Last holidays she wanted to meet friends in nearby town centre. I asked her how she would get there/find the bus stop to get home, at which point she changed her mind. If I had been able to take her in advance, show her bus stops etc. She could have gone, or if her brother had been around.

In their case, she has no sense of direction and panics easily, so needs more preparation.

Ds 12 is allowed out for 3-4 hours to play football etc but he must answer my calls/texts roughly every hour.

Got a 13 year old. Term time she goes out to youth club and couple of school clubs and odd hour in park, she has to tell me who, where and be contactable on phone.

Holidays odd days she can go out all day with friends but must be back by 6pm and tell me where and with whom and has to be sensible plan. She must be contactable on phone. Tbh one of these has just gone wrong as she lied then got lost and phone battery died so not sure would recommend this. A tracking app would have helped a bit but think she's not sensible enough and we are going back to odd hour allowed out. When she has had sensible days out she has been fine. Depends on child but think knowing where they are, with whom and what doing would be a minimum expected. Suspect we will get a very hard time from school on this for agreeing to original plan to be out until 6pm.

Re the tracking apps - kids just turn the data off on the phone they aren’t going to be all that reliable if you can’t trust your DC.
When I did not trust my older DC she was not allowed out at all because she broke all the trust. She’s got it back now but took time

My DS turned 13 recently. Tbh he rarely goes out, though he is very social and goes to a local school he spends a large part of his time online, if he went out, I am not sure who'd he would go with as they are all at home online! He is heavily involved in an outdoor club so I feel this goes a way to counter his constant need to be indoors!

When he does go out with friends I have him on a find my friend app, I don't check this often if at all and if I do I don't comment on where he has been, it just saves phoning him whilst he is out. He hasn't got a problem with the app. The only rule is location must stay on and if his phone battery runs low he needs to come home.

We do live in a relatively bad area though where other teens are actually the biggest threat. I feel that if we lived in a nicer area we could relax the apron strings much more.

Regarding tracking apps, Life360 tells you if location has been turned off.