To ask whether you’d say anything to overshopper Gran?

[HTruffle]

My MIL has always been a shopper and bought too much for the kids ever since they were born. They are both preschoolers now (small age gap). Recently though, she seems to have totally lost control in terms of the amount she’s buying for them on a very regular basis (at least once a week, sometimes twice).

As an example, this Easter, she has turned up with no less than 33 individual presents (yes I’ve just sat here and totted them up). They’re mostly very inexpensive (think 59p sticker books) but some of them are clothes and / or more expensive things. I anticipate that she’s spent in excess of £80 this weekend alone and the vast majority of it is throwaway, useless stuff. All with an Easter theme which obviously not much use from now onwards. Because of the cheap nature of most of the stuff it’s poor quality, breaks quickly, etc.

Although she’s really gone to town over Easter, this isn’t unusual, we see her weekly and she always comes laden down with big bags of similar stuff. We regularly give large bin bags of stuff to charity but as kids do they are desperate to rip open all the packets etc as soon as she arrives rendering most of it useless or un-resellable!

On the other hand she is a really lovely Gran and the kids do love her. What frustrates me more than anything is that she is great at playing, imaginative games, arts, singing etc but never gets round to doing any of this because they’re always swamped under mountains of cheap rubbish for the duration of her visits.

The kids know full well that Gran is the one to bring lots of presents and start expectantly trying to pull at bags as soon as she arrives.

It’s all driving me a bit crackers. I’m really trying to cut back on plastics and waste and this does not help at all. I spend ages tidying up so much additional clutter as well - we do not have a big house to store all of this.

On top of this the children never go to her house - she only ever sees them at ours - because her house is one long ongoing renovation project and she deems it ‘unsafe’ - personally I don’t think it’s anything a good tidy up couldn’t sort.

Any advice welcome! Do I need to just put up with this or better saying something? Dh agrees with me but is very, very non confrontational.

I think you need to put your foot down and refuse gifts you don't want. Don't let her in the house with them - tell her the bags can go right back in the car and they aren't staying at yours.

If she moans, or your children do, I'd suggest telling her that unless and until she is prepared to buy less, she can't come visit.

This would really annoy me!! I hate all those plastic crap toys and I also think that too may toys is wasteful and bad for kids creativity. I would definitely raise this with her and say the kids would prefer to play with her than open all these gifts. Maybe say you are on a kick to help the environment and don’t want all these small gifts. Perhaps suggest she limits her gifting to birthdays and Christmas?

I think you need to put your foot down and refuse gifts you don't want. Don't let her in the house with them - tell her the bags can go right back in the car and they aren't staying at yours.

I don't think you need to be anywhere near as rude as this ^^. There is no suggestion in your post that you have ever asked her not to buy the stuff. Why don't you just have a proper adult discussion with her? Ask her if she realises how much stuff she's getting them and be honest; say you don't want it.

My DM had to ask my GPs not to bring stuff on every visit because as small kids we'd got into the habit of "grandma's coming, what has she brought us", instead of looking forward to seeing her. If you can't face the confrontation just say you are worried that your DC are only interested in the presents so will she not buy anything for a while. It really doesn't have to be awkward.

she is great at playing, imaginative games, arts, singing etc but never gets round to doing any of this because they’re always swamped under mountains of cheap rubbish for the duration of her visits.

You need to bite the bullet, & talk to her as adult-to-adult.
Tell her you don;t want her spending her money on toys, she's very kind but you don't want the children spoiled/grabbing at bags - or focused on presents when they should be focused on Grandma herself.

Tell her how much you admire & appreciate the imaginative way she plays with the childen & ask her to please do more of it. And that it will make them much better people, who are more appreciative of GRANDMA, not grandma's PRESENTS. That you wish them to have memories of special playtimes, not mundane gifts.

Good luck!