to think about leaving him over this

[Thesunnyday]

My partner has married adult children. We have been together for 5 years.

They turn up to our home most weekends unannounced and stay all weekend and don't lift a finger. They help themselves to food, the washing machine, the iron, toiletries, food and drink including going through every available cupboard. They leave cushions on the floor, cups everywhere, recycling everywhere etc etc. They bring nothing and contribute nothing.

They even comment that they don't like going to their Mum's as our house is nicer! They literally lay on our sofa all weekend.

They don't seem to want to spend time alone with each other as husband and wife at the weekend.

My partner and I work all week and then have them here all weekend unless we go away for the weekend, we don't get quality time together. Even then, they turn up at ours knowing full well we aren't even home.

Firstly I want to spend time with my partner alone in my own home at the weekends at least some of the time and secondly I hate their attitude of entitlement and lack of manners and respect.

My partner, moans about them to me but says nothing to them and gets defensive if I suggest having a word with them.

Is the house you live in the house they grew up in? Do they still see it as 'their' home.

Either way, I couldn't put up with this. Once a month would be plenty, and even then they should still contribute, either by bringing some food/drink and tidying up after themselves.

What would happen if you had a word with them?

Bloody hell.

If your partner is too feebleminded to put his foot down, you are going to have to step up. Next time they come over, tell them that you are not available for any visits next weekend, as you & partner are having some time to yourselves.

That's your stick in the sand. You really need to make that one happen, & then start building on it. It must be unbearable to feel so invaded & taken for granted.

OTH you could simply start turning up at theirs unannounced, raiding their fridge, strewing their belongings & emptying their drinks cabinet.
What the fuck is wrong with them that they need , as married adults, to keep hanging out at dad's?

Popping over unannounced and sticking the kettle on without asking - absolutely fine.

Coming over and STAYING without checking, and bringing washing and all the rest is not on!

Your husband needs to agree that next time they get told "sorry we are off out soon, we've got time for a quick cuppa then we'll have to send you on your way I'm afraid"

If they have their own keys maybe you should change the locks. Then get your husband by the ears and shake him until he sees sense

How rude? I imagine they keep coming because no one says anything.

Honestly I can’t believe someone could be so rude to rock up at someone’s house and eat all their food and make a mess. They do it cause you let them and it’s free for them to do so.

I would never go to parents and behave in such a way!

Open the door in your underwear holding a sex toy

Say it's not really convenient....

Of course they keep coming over because no-one says anything. They have a lovely all inclusive hotel to stay in every weekend!

It's not her old childhood home but she did spend lots of time with us a teenager. We paid the deposit on their flat and then on their lovely house, helped with buying a car and DP has promised them 10k when they want to buy their own home. We take them for lots of meals out where we pay the entire bill and drive them there too.

He has never said "no" to anything. We are even taking them on holiday this year.

I have no doubt why she behaves like this and why her husband, in turn does this.

There is no point discussing with my DP that he ask them to behave differently. He simply won't.

Well, I would leave him over this, if he didn't do anything to change things. I'm hoping when you talk about "our" house it is jointly owned and therefore could be sold so that you could take your share away to find somewhere of your own.
Of course, if you two are truly a partnership there should be no reason why you can't be the one to sit them down and set some boundaries.

Or maybe house swap for the next few weekends? Make sure your fridge is bare and head off to their place, leaving them to do the usual without the benefit of being waited on hand and foot.

Tell them!

Use your big girl words and start fucking telling them “rubbish goes in the bin” or “cups go in the sink/dishwasher”

Rally them round for a long walk after dinner and tell them to respect your privacy if they poke around in your cupboards. Don’t expect them to just know. Point it that you don’t go poking about in their cupboards or put you biggest vibrator in the cupboard.
Make sure you have a load of laundry in the machine, hide your laundry detergent and switch the machine off at the plug.

Stop being a mug and start being an adult.

I do ask them to wash up after themselves and remind them to put things away. Sometimes they do it, sometimes they don't. Invariably they leave ours after we have gone out somewhere and just leave everything on the side if I haven't asked them to do it before I left. I don't get told when they are leaving and if I ask, it invariably changes anyway.

I like the vibrator in the fridge idea but I have my own child to think about who lives with us.

Honestly, if I turn the washing machine off, my DP would just turn it on for them when I walked out of the room.

Well, you either tell them and make it very clear they're only welcome every so often (pre-arranged) whatever your DP says.

Or you split up.

I couldn’t put up with this. I’d tell him he either sorts it out or it’s over. What a joke.

Take up naturism. Few days of your bare arse and norks hanging loose may end their freeloading....