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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to take my GP up on this?

3 replies

dilemma74 · 22/04/2019 17:07

NC for obvious reasons. I’m not in a great place at the moment, so please be gentle.

I’m currently enduring a pretty bad bout of depression (not for the first time, but this is the worst it’s been in 10+ years). For the past 3-4 months I’ve been getting up, doing the school run, going to work, etc. – all the usual weekday stuff – but feeling numb a lot of the time and, on most days, incredibly low and anxious. I seem to be able to get through day to day tasks on autopilot but when DH has the kids or they’re at school and I’m not working, I go to pieces (can’t get dressed, leave the house, stop crying, etc).

A couple of weeks ago I went to the GP, who diagnosed me with moderate-to-severe depression plus anxiety and suggested signing me off work for a fortnight. I really don’t want to do this because a) my manager who doesn’t believe mental illness is real and b) my team is full of people who bitch about anyone who dares to be off sick, especially with anything MH-related (I actually work for a supposedly progressive institution that makes all the right noises about MH awareness but in practice are completely unsupportive).

I mentioned this to my GP and she said she would write me a sick note based on the physical symptoms I’ve been experiencing as a result (stomach pains, headaches, etc) without mentioning MH at all. This is obviously extremely kind of her, but I can’t help feeling really uncomfortable about it. I told her I’d try and keep going for now and let her know how I get on, but TBH I don’t think I currently am particularly fit for work: I really have tried to keep going with it but there have been several days when I’ve just gone in and cried silently at my desk for hours and got very little done (a couple of colleagues have noticed but I’ve passed it off as having a cold/hayfever, etc).

I’m seeing the GP again next week to review medication, etc, but I don’t know what to do as if I take her up on her offer, I will have to lie about it at work - my colleagues will ‘casually’ grill me about what’s wrong with me and this will be my third sickness absence in six months so it’ll trigger a meeting with my manager, in which I’ll have to explain why I’ve been off (previous times were for the flu and a short sickness bug, so unrelated to this). Being honest about the reason is not an option for me as literally everyone who has openly had MH issues at my place of work has been gossiped about, written off as unstable/unreliable or, in one case, managed out (although I’ve been there for years and am a very conscientious worker, I am in a fairly junior position so have no power there, and can’t help worrying about this). I know the culture of the place needs to be challenged but I’m not strong enough to fight that battle at the moment (and yes, I am hoping to leave in the next year or so as soon as I can get my shit together!) WIBU to go off sick without mentioning my MH problems to work as the GP suggests? Has anyone ever done anything similar?

OP posts:
fanciedabitofachange · 22/04/2019 17:13

I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but the unsympathetic workplace is probably exacerbating things. I was in a similar situation to you nearly ten years ago. In the end I took the time because, hell, I was legally entitled to it. Work treated me shabbily during and after.

I spent the next year looking for a new place to work and never found myself in that situation again. And I still suffer with my mental health but I am upfront about it from the get go these days.

dilemma74 · 22/04/2019 18:30

Thanks fancied, I think you’re probably right - working in such a negative environment for so long has made my already crap self esteem even worse! Glad things are better for you now.

OP posts:
Jamiefraserskilt · 22/04/2019 20:26

If your HR person shares details of your illness with anyone that does not need to know, it is a data breach. No one has the right to know anything about why you are off. It is worth making it clear that your reason for being off is private and between you and your HR manager. If gossip starts, address it, you need to know where it came from. If asked, you would rather not discuss it.
Take the time, you need it.

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