family argument at Easter.. again

[piffar]

my family is the most dysfunctional family i've ever encountered, I try and keep contact low, but obviously Easter and Christmas are big ones.

Anyway, I was in a cafe with my mother before and she pointed out a massive spot on my chin (that was noticeable!) and said "god that looks awful! didn't you try and cover it up?"

I have an had an eating disorder and body dysmorphia since a teenager and she knows this.

I said "god mum, no wonder I've got anxiety about my looks".

She has now cancelled this evening's meal, said she's sick of criticism and has asked me and my child to leave because we always ruin her days off.

WIBU?

Bloody hell how narcissistic can you get. She criticises you and when you say you don't like the criticism you're in the wrong for being critical!

You only get one mum is totally true. You also only get one appendix but if mine were infected I'd have no qualms about having it surgically removed.

bringing her old clothes round saying “This is MUCH too big now but you might be able to squeeze yourself into it”

IHateUncleJamie I think we have the same mum :o

You also only get one appendix but if mine were infected I'd have no qualms about having it surgically removed.

Ha, I LOVE this!

In all seriousness though, “You only get one Mum” does infuriate me. If she’d whipped me and left scars, or sexually abused me, NOBODY would say “don’t you think you should make up with her”. But because she’s “only” emotionally abusive and denies everything, people feel entitled to suggest a lovely reunion or a naice chat.

Anyway, back to the OP.

Yup, I second that, Whycantithinkofagoodone. Get your mother surgically removed, OP - you’ll be much better without her!
I went nc with my own dreadful mother and never regretted it. Enjoy your own family without her, and just use her as an awful reminder of how not to be a parent.

QueenKubau very possibly! There are lots of us here - soul sisters if not biological sisters! ❤️

OP I can identify with this- my mother sounds similar to yours. I'm cheering you on for standing up for yourself. I know how hard it can be to do this and you should be proud of yourself.

Wow.

I hope you haven't apologised to her. She sounds awful: okay to criticise you when she feels like it, but she's the victim when you defend yourself. Fuck that !

Go home and enjoy your time with your child. Tell her you'll talk to her again when she reaches out and apologises for her shitty behaviour. Or go NC ... that might actually be nicer long term.

So she can criticise you but you're not allowed to defend yourself and gets upset when its directed to her. Interesting!

She has now cancelled this evening's meal, said she's sick of criticism and has asked me and my child to leave because we always ruin her days off.
Good you’re free now to have nice evening without her. What a cow.

"I try and keep contact low, but obviously Easter and Christmas are big ones."
Time to reconsider. Do you really want this woman in your life? Do you really want her to have any influence over your child?

"She has now ... asked me and my child to leave"
Silver linings ! The less time you have to spend with her, the better.

"because we always ruin her days off."
I'd say you probably made her day. She likes nothing better than to have a pop at you.

Seriously, you don't need to see her. It would be far better for you and your child if you had nothing to do with her.

The cancellation sounds like a win really, grab it and go! Absolutely right to defend yourself especially in front of your child who shouldn't hear you spoken to like that.

You poor thing. Sounds like your mum might be watching too much Jeremy Kyle. I would go home and restrict contact. She owes you an apology.

I feel your pain. My stepmom just criticises me until I lose it, weight does the trick. She likes a public weigh in best, I’m curvy and I used to work out, I feel fit and walk a few miles every day, I know I’m weightier than I look so I’d never let her know how “fat” I am!

Your mother probably really unhappy with herself do stay away at all costs, these narcissists have no boundaries and will make you cry if you try and lay down boundaries.

Absolutely this made this mums day, these women love other peoples pain.

Piffar Has your mother always been an attention seeking witch?

Jesus a right pile on, on the mother, but eating disorder and body dysmorphia - has she helped you with these, has she been aware of this, what part do you think she plays OP?

I'd bet my right arm OPs mum is the cause @julensaor

@fc301 I get the point, I just wanted her to say why she felt that way because as with a lot of threads, it stagnates otherwise; reading the OP post as a stranger you just can't assume, sometimes details help.

👍