To ask how to deal with a suicidal individual?

[unsuredd]

I've NC'd for this as I've spoken about my mum on other threads.

I've just been to visit her and she was very down and said she felt horrible about herself. Said she felt fat, had low self esteem and she felt ugly. She's always been like this for as long as I can remember and I've always tried to make her feel better by saying that she isn't and that I would support her if she wanted to start dieting or changing her lifestyle for the better.

She then asked me in a passing comment did I still have my Citalopram because she sometimes felt as though she wanted to commit suicide. I take these regularly for my anxiety.

Mums never said anything like this before and I was really taken aback by how blasé she seemed about it. I told her that she needed to see her GP ASAP. She's currently on Fluoxetine but clearly it mustn't be working if she's having these suicidal thoughts.

She said she doesn't want to see or speak to anybody about the way shes feeling.

I'm so concerned about her and I just don't know what to do

If you think she's at risk of immediate harm, call an ambulance. If not, I'm unsure what else you can do except to keep trying to persuade her to go to the doctor's.

I wonder if you could call the Samaritans or a similar mental health charity to ask their advice?

My friend took me to A&E and demanded help, which probably saved my life.

There is no such thing as an over reaction in this sort of situation.

@Lockheart I don't believe she's at risk of immediate harm.

We have talked about suicide in the past as general conversation, most recently Mike Thalassitis. She said for somebody to kill themselves they must have a lot of balls to do it etc. so I don't think she would do it.

My stepdad and brother are with her at the moment. She doesn't open up to them as much though.

I'm going to tell her she needs to go the doctor and that I will come with her for support if that's what she needs

I'm going to try and give you a few things you could do, OP:

1. This might be obvious, but maybe you should start spending more time/talking to your mum. try to make her feel happier, take her out on a special day or ask her what she would enjoy doing.

2. Either call her GP or a mental health charity and ask them what to do. They will give you support and advice on what to do.

3. sit down with her firmly and tell her that she NEEDS to see her GP, take her there yourself. She clearly needs help and support and even if she doesn't 'feel' like talking to anybody she will appreciate in the long run.
   Wishing you strength OP, I know this must be difficult for you.

Thank you @Hitheresunrays. I do spend quite a lot of time with her as I'm off on maternity leave atm expecting first DC soon.

I just had no idea she felt so awful. I knew she felt down about herself in general but not to the point where she felt suicidal.

I've just text her to say that needs to see a GP and that I was worried about the comment she made before I left her house. She said she's ok but I said she still needs to go about a medication review, either an increase or a change in what she's taking at the moment

If she doesn't go I will call them myself and explain the situation. It might make her realise that I'm being serious about her getting some help

Hi unsuredd you sound like a good daughter and also have your own problems. I think being there for someone can be enough but can also be labouring on that person. I don't know what country you live but here in Ireland we have pieta house a charity for suicidal ppl in crisis is there anything there similar? I think she is obviously hit a crisis point maybe something happened maybe not mental health can be so tricky but it's never blasé even if the person makes it out to be so I imagine she just doesn't want to come across as a burden x best of luck and also mind yourself xxx

Also what does NC mean?

My friend expressed suicidal thoughts although very vaguely. I did try to persuade him to go to the GP and his contact with me became less. He was a previous work colleague and I didn't know where he lived to check up on him but do wish I had done more as he took his life some months lonely. I thought he had a pretty good network of friends a lot closer to him than I was but things aren't always what they seem.

Reassure your mum that though she is on one kind of anti depressant, different people respond to different kinds and doses, and the important thing is to keep trying until she DOES start to feel better.
Perhaps your stepfather could keep hold of the medication in their house for now.

I'm of no use, I'm afraid, but I did want to say that I feel desperately sorry for you for having to deal with this when you are on maternity leave. Life is not fair sometimes. It seems to me that you should not carry this alone. Maybe you should contact her doctor in confidence. Although they can't discuss your mums health with you, they can hear what you say to them.

Lovestruk the OP meant that she had namechanged for this thread.

Papyrus and the samaritains are good sources of information.
Maybe try to see if your mum would speak to someone there?
Definitely try to see the gp. Do you have someone you can share this with or at least keep sharing here. If you're having a baby soon you need to be able to share too.
Some local areas run courses about how to speak to someone who is thinking about suicide so maybe check out if there are any near you although they tend to be aimed at people like police, job centre staff etc

Thanks CustardySergeant.

I've told my brother what she said and he couldn't believe it either. She's never said anything like this before.

It sounds like suicidal ideation, which is more common than you might expect. She still needs support but it doesn't have the urgency that an immediate intention to commit suicide has. Some with mental health issues actually find the notion of suicide a comfort, a reassurance that there is an end point, but they don't have any immediate (or longer term) intention to act on it.

She still needs to see the GP, but if it is ideation there's not much help available due to all the funding cuts.

Hi Op, at the very least, please consider using the Herbert Protocol. It is aimed at those with dementia, but it can equally apply to your situation.

www.met.police.uk/herbertprotocol

I'm telling her now I'm worried and she keeps telling me not to be silly (!)

I would call your Mums GP and report that she is suicidal - they should be able to give her a crisis line she can call 24/7. In an emergency A&E or police can come round.

Is she having counselling? If NHS list is long which often is could she afford private?

I think the issue is her hatred of herself rather than being overweight. Having said that if she is well enough to join say an aerobics class, go swimming etc would probably do her good mentally and physically. If there's the money available joining a health club might be a good option - somewhere like David Lloyd or state equivalent - you can go swimming, classes, gym and there's a café to meet people. You can just join for 3 months to start with to try it. If you could go with her initially that would be lovely though its really hard with a baby anyway and take care of yourself and don't take on more than you can cope with.

Try to persuade yourî mum to go to her GP, offer to go with her if you feel able or maybe your step dad would go. You could explain that you are wondering if her current medication is working as well as it could and maybe a change in dosage or the actual medication would improve things.
Talk to her about calling (or emailing) Samaritans. They are not going to be as upset to talk about suicide as close family or friends. She may well be looking for a way out of her current despair without actually wanting to end her life.
You have a lot happening in your life just now and, on many levels, your mum has much to look forward to. However, her low self esteem means that when she tells you she FEELS fat and ugly and you tell her she isn't she just thinks you are wrong. If you can ask why she feels like this, or even how this feeling affects her, she may open up a bit more. This may be too uncomfortable a conversation for either of you at the moment.
You are obviously a loving daughter and I'm sure your mum knows this. Are you able to get her to talk about when your baby arrives and how she will be involved?