To feel hurt by lack of support?

5 replies

Sadandstruggling44 · 22/04/2019 14:27

I’ve had a really tough couple of weeks, family health concerns, another family member losing their job and needing financial help, plus I have been working night shifts and looking after DC during the day, honestly it’s been flat out and I’m exhausted, and my mood is absolutely black, think crying every moment I get alone. It’s only temporary, at least I hope when circumstances improve, it’ll ease, but the hope that it will is honestly the only thing keeping thoughts of suicide at bay.

I tend to be the mum friend, the friend that people come to for help or advice, without tooting my own horn. I’ve supported a lot of my friends through physical sickness, through hard times, breakups, and I rarely if ever ask for anything in return.

People will often share those “My kettle is always on if any of my friends need help or support.” Its nonsense isn’t it?

I’ve reached out to quite a few friends over the last few days, friends that I thought were close, or at least they’re close enough to lean on me when they need any kind of help, and have found myself being brushed off again and again, a complete lack of interest. For the record I haven’t been dramatic or needy, I’ve literally asked if they’re free for a coffee as I’m feeling a bit blue and a natter might brighten me up a bit. I’ve not had a single friend agree, all vague murmurs about sometime soon, not sure when free etc etc, but then there are pictures of friends getting together on social media and socialising without ever mentioning it to me (these are separate groups of friends, not all one big group)

I invited myself out Tuesday night with a pair of friends, but I don’t think I’ll go as I don’t feel very welcome to, they discussed it in front of me, and I asked if it would be okay to come and was told “yeah okay”

It’s brought me down with a massive bang. I thought I had friends that cared about me, but it seems I had friends that will keep me around for as long as I am useful to them, and then avoid as long as I’m not. AIBU?

OP posts:

Confusedbeetle · 22/04/2019 14:41

You sort of shoot yourself in the foot inviting them for coffee as it might cheer you up, how about would you like a coffee? I would love to hsee you and hear your news

Butterymuffin · 22/04/2019 14:48

But people shouldn't have to pretend they aren't having a hard time, to friends who they would hope would support them.

OP, I have had this too. I'd say though, keep reaching out to friends because some of them do back off when they realise you need something from them for a change - but some don't and will come through. It's hard to predict who will be in which camp. Keep trying. Just one good friend can make a difference - it can be better to try this one to one though rather than with groups as with your Tuesday plans.

alfagirl73 · 22/04/2019 14:54

I completely sympathise OP... I've been having the year from hell and yet, while people have still come to me expecting me to solve their problems and deal with their stuff, only one or two have actually bothered to ask how I'm doing. One so-called "friend" in particular hasn't just been selfish, but has been utterly vile to me during what he knows is a terrible time for me - it's been very very hurtful. It's true that in bad times you find out who your true friends are.

It's hard but try to remember that you're a good, kind person who is there for people. It's painful but sometimes it's good to take stock of who really are true friends and who are just "fair-weather-acquaintances". I've actually been surprised at who has come through for me and who hasn't and often it's not who you expect.

Sending hugs and hoping things get better!

Hitheresunrays · 22/04/2019 15:00

You are not being unreasonable OP, you deserve support just as much as anybody else! just let this show you that those people are obviously not your true friends and that after everything you've helped them with they haven't returned the effort and support.
Do you have any siblings? Other family members you can reach out too? maybe you could ask them for a day out? family is more tight-knit, after all.
Focus on the good things for now OP, like your brilliant DC. Sending hugs, everything will get better soon!

RSAcre · 22/04/2019 17:31

Are these 'friends' 12 years old?
Or is it that they think they are royalty, & need to vet another applicant to their glittering social events? FFS they sound like a pair of snooty bitches you are better off without.

Focus on a quick catch up with pals one on one.
Not everyone will be able to accept, but you will be made to feel so much better by those that do, And you don;t need many of them - just 1 or 2 people who you feel you can be genuine with.

I hope you are soon feeling much more chipper xx

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