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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU To be agonising over wedding

25 replies

IamBrucewayne · 22/04/2019 13:15

I was supposed to be getting married this year but due to financial problems we decided to push it back to April next year.

But then we were on the bones of our arse and I'd gone a handful of days not having eaten as I just couldn't afford food so then I contacted the venue and asked to cancel the wedding and even if I got a small refund then it'd be appreciated but not expected.

I was so grateful when they refunded the lot! Genuinely didn't expect it and I thanked them for allowing that.

But now I desperately want a wedding day I know they are a sin on MN but my whole family was looking forward to it and I feel sad that I now have nothing to look forward to. The register office is an option but seems a bit... of a let down. Plus MIL and FIL married there and said they both regret it as it's a horrible place.
There is the church that my mum got married, but she is now divorced so does that taint it a wee bit? Plus we don't actively believe in religion but they have offered the church and small meal for free (I would pay for it!!)

Ideally I'd want somewhere that looks nice, that a wedding dress wouldn't look out of place, that doesn't charge £65pp. Or should I just give up on the idea until we can actually afford it? DP isn't fussed although I think he'd rather wait until we had higher income than we do now but who knows when that could be!!

OP posts:

Chilledout11 · 22/04/2019 13:22

Go for the church and the small meal but add in extra desserts and wine etc so that wouldn't add crazy expense (cheap to make banoffi pie cheesecakes crumbles etc)
Get a friend to take photos and make centre pieces yourself

Original poster

IamBrucewayne · 22/04/2019 13:24

Is it rude to go for the church option when we don't practise in the religion? I did speak to them before and they suggested going to the church, we did a few times and I enjoyed it but not sure on my partner. I would obviously pay/offer donation, don't think they'll allow alcohol within the church? As my mum wasn't allowed any with her meal but that wouldn't bother me too much.
I don't care about centre pieces, never have lol!

OP posts:

Ginger1982 · 22/04/2019 13:25

I think it depends. If you just want to be married, then go for what you can afford just now. If you want a 'wedding' then I would wait until you have a bit more cash. You don't want to look back on your day with regret, but then maybe you wouldn't. You could always have a big party to celebrate your 5th or 10th anniversary if you wanted.

Lucked · 22/04/2019 13:27

Some register offices are amazing. Have you looked at surrounding towns and cities

Original poster

IamBrucewayne · 22/04/2019 13:27

See what we could afford would be register office but every time I try and picture it I just think blah. It doesn't bring me any happiness (maybe I'd feel better on the day)
I KNOW the marriage is more important and I'm desperately trying to not lose sight of that but I've never had a grand 16th party, or 18th or 21st. We didn't have an engagement party either so for once I'd quite like to make it special is all

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Raspberrytruffle · 22/04/2019 13:28

We had a small church wedding like immediate family and a fee friends, I think there were 23 guests in total so that cost £500 for the church, we had a 3 course meal at the local hotel which is very naice and overseas a castle. That came to about £350. We hired the the groom and mensch suits which worked out very cheap indeed. £250 for 2 gold wedding bands. £300 for a huge 3 tier cake made by a local lady including favours.we kept it simple. We went to the lake district for our honeymoon for a week with DC. Oh my dad took the photos on a good Camara.

Raspberrytruffle · 22/04/2019 13:29

Ah forgot to add we got the bridesmaids dresses in the boxing day sale from Mark's and Spencer

Raspberrytruffle · 22/04/2019 13:30

Makeup and hair done cheap at local hairdressers at £50 for me and my bridesmaid

Merryoldgoat · 22/04/2019 13:30

Where do you live? Some register offices are stunning. The one I got married in is a Georgian house in a stunning park - looks like a stately home in pictures.

UserName31456789 · 22/04/2019 13:31

Are there other registry offices? I went to a few with gorgeous historical buildings much better than some of the expensive venues I've been to.

Loopytiles · 22/04/2019 13:34

YABU, money for day to day things is much more important than a wedding party, and you’re dismissing affordable options.

Disfordarkchocolate · 22/04/2019 13:35

There are loads of lovely registry offices, you don't have to go to the nearest one. Lots of inexpensive places are licenced for weddings too. Have a look about and see what you can do in your budget. We had a nice registry office and a great meal in a pub for 27ish people and it was wonderful.

Original poster

IamBrucewayne · 22/04/2019 13:38

There is only one in my town, going somewhere else means even more money as we would need cars to get there! (Nobody drives)

OP posts:

Disfordarkchocolate · 22/04/2019 13:40

I know it costs money but could you give a minibus and ask people to pay £10 each. I'd happily pay that for the convenience of not having to drive (we did, people happily got merry).

thedevilinablackdress · 22/04/2019 13:41

I understand you're disappointed but the fact is that you cannot afford the wedding you want at the moment. So, do you want to be married or wait till some unknown point when you might be able to afford it?
If the church is happy for you to marry there and you don't mind all the religious ceremony (wouldn't be for me) then go for that.

64632K · 22/04/2019 13:42

Whereabouts do you live? Some registrys are really nice - or you cam ask the registrar to come to a venue of your choice for a small fee. Some places offer a dry hire venue and then you would be free to do what you want with your venue. If you do a wedding out of season, costs drop dramatically too.

user1480880826 · 22/04/2019 13:50

It sounds like a lot is hanging on this special day. You say you never had a big birthday party or an engagement party and that the registry office doesn’t look right. It definitely sounds to me like you want a big, impressive party. If you can’t afford this now then I think you should just wait. You only get married once (in theory) so don’t rush into doing something that you might regret. If you can try to be patient you will end up with something better.

Having said all of that, what’s to say you will be able to afford something better in the future? Do you and your partner have the opportunity for good career progression in your jobs? If you have kids between now and getting married might you end up with even less money?

NannyRed · 22/04/2019 13:52

I personally wouldn’t bother with a church if you don’t have any religious beliefs.

Check out hotels, a mid week wedding can be done on a budget, some have a choice of small, medium and large venues. The small venue is perfect for a modest wedding. You’ll still feel special, but costs are much lower.

Use the internet to you advantage, some hotels have beautiful grounds for photos, registrar offices in nearby towns rather than the one on your doorstep, our local zoo does weddings, you don’t have to go to your local registry office if you thinks it’s dull.

Google ‘grand wedding for a grand’ as some places still do everything for a small wedding at £999.

supersop60 · 22/04/2019 13:59

If you are on the bones of your arse, then please wait until you can afford it.
PP have had some good ideas upthread, and you could maybe start saving for something like that. You will have your day, just not quite yet!

Original poster

IamBrucewayne · 22/04/2019 14:03

No longer on the bones of our arse as we both now work so money has got better but still not as good as I'd like!
We don't even have a zoo 🤦‍♀️ the nearest one is over 4 hours away.
I had a hotel booked before and that was a basic package but was still over 2k

I'm not going to be stupid, if we can't afford it then we can't. I wont strop(much) and certainly not planning to do it this year so a good 12+ months of saving should be doable?

Hoping for around 28 guests so quite a small wedding. (Before was 40 as that was what the package offered)
I viewed a different hotel before and when I told them 40, they said it would be too big a room and basically not to bother plus that was 2k just for the room and food (drinks were £35pp!!)

OP posts:

Original poster

IamBrucewayne · 22/04/2019 14:04

We already have 3 kids so money is always going to be tight

OP posts:

64632K · 22/04/2019 14:33

OP you can always find deals for venues such as www.hitched.co.uk/wedding-venues/deals/

It will all depend on where you are based and what kind of wedding programme you want.

We were looking at having to fork out about £40/50k for our wedding and all the pre and post wedding ceremonies. We stripped it waaaay back, much to the annoyance of some family members but we didnt care. I found plenty of tips and tricks to bring the cost down and getting discounts etc and ending up doing bits and pieces myself.

Like a PP said, the internet can throw up some really good ideas and opportunities

KittyInTheCradle · 22/04/2019 19:48

Advice I've been given is to book hotel meal but not say it's for a wedding. Same goes for venues in general. I've heard they slap more money on the price when they hear the word 'wedding'.

GuineaPiglet345 · 22/04/2019 20:30

I got married in a registry office, as did my parents and PIL, it was lovely. It was in a lovely old building, so we got nice photos, they put flowers in and had music. I wore a wedding dress and I’m glad we did it in a registry office because neither of us are religious so it would have just been weird to marry in a church and I’d rather have a secular building on my marriage certificate.

hidinginthenightgarden · 22/04/2019 20:35

Look on groupon for wedding offers!

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