Please be kind.
We have been engaged for 5 years and both have children from previous relationships plus one together (ages between 17 and 5). We have been engaged for so long because not only do we struggle financially, our respective families aren't over the moon with us being together (don't ask) so while we know they would attend, it would put a bit of a damper on it because we'd know what they were thinking internally.
I've never wanted a big do, all I wanted was to get married in the church then a meal or something for the kids benefit, but even the thought of that fills me with stress as it won't feel as if it's OUR wedding day because of the families.
I've been thinking about it for a good while and how to do it with just our children present but, as there are so many, it just isn't feasible because of travel costs and child care (eldest child has physical disabilities so couldn't help) and as we'r would need witnesses, we'd have to invite 2 people which would naturally put a lot of people's noses out of joint.
Plus, from a selfish point of view, I would really like to enjoy our wedding night without the stress of having the children and it just being the two of us (this is only an occurrence which happens for a couple of nights per year) and doing it just us and the kids would mean we'd spend the evening with 7 children. I couldn't ask anyone to help with childcare if they are not involved in the wedding. So this is what I've come up with and I need honest opinions (without being mean if poss!)
Part 1 - we get an elopement package, just the 2 of us to say our legal vows and spend our night together.
Part 2 - the following week we have a church blessing with kids and any family members who want to attend followed by a meal.
We will not be married in the eyes of the church until we have a blessing so it's not a cop out/ fake wedding but the legal bit will have been done and therefore stress of the day gone and able to relax and enjoy the church ceremony with everyone.
I would never go ahead with anything if all the kids weren't on board and nothing would be secretive. I just don't want to broach it until I'm entirely sure it is not just a completely selfish idea.
We just want to get married without the stress but still want everyone who cares about us to be involved. Really I only care about the kids but I need to take both our immediate families into consideration too.