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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be bothered by comments about baby

10 replies

MaidofMuswell · 22/04/2019 08:41

Really I think I am BU because there’s a hell of a lot worse that people sometimes have to worry about like health issues or whatever and we’ve been through some of that ourselves so am a bit surprised / disappointed in self being fussed with something so petty but there you go. My daughter is 14 weeks and spent quite a lot of time in hospital when born and had various heath scares which all were resolved happily and I’ve posted about elsewhere and have probably made me a bit protective or pfb about her even though she’s our second. I don’t know whether it’s because dh had to go back to work after a fortnight and tends to take the lead with our toddler ds whilst I’m feeding or something and I had to take her to loads of extra appts in the early weeks but she is very different with me to everyone else, including him to a degree. I get the biggest cheery grins and coos, he gets some but nowhere near as many and with everyone else including grandparents etc she’s even sparing and sometimes doesn’t smile back at all. We had loads family over all Easter and cue relentless comments from my mum, aunts like “oooh she doesn’t like me does she” or “she’s a serious little thing isn’t she?” Or my absolute favourite “I’m sure brother / cousin etc was smilier at this age. I know it’s silly but I find myself taking it personally and even wanting her to sort of “perform” better for them which feels like I’m being disloyal to her because she’s ace as she is and if anything probably a bit overwhelmed at big gatherings. I’m sure she will warm up a bit in the coming months with bigger groups and less familiar faces, I actually think my ds was similar and it’s been misremembered - quite shy at theee months and life and soul at six months - but feels disloyal even thinking like this. Am I BU and should buck up or would other mumsnetters get this way too?

OP posts:
Didntwanttochangemyname · 22/04/2019 08:50

Both of my DC have been pretty serious looking babies, and I've had lots of similar comments - 'DC doesn't like me', 'it takes a lot to impress DC' etc.

They are a bit rude, and annoying, but I usually replied with something along the lines of 'when DC smiles the whole world lights up, you've just got to work a little harder for it' and then move the conversation on.

Believe me, unsolicited comments are going to keep coming for about the next 20 years, so practice your 'I don't care' smile.

UserFriendly14 · 22/04/2019 09:19

YANBU. My DS is/was exactly the same and those comments did my head in too. These last few months whenever someone (usually ILs) said he was the serious baby, I had to smile and say he’s quite happy when he’s with me/DH. It got to the point where we would only take him round if he had just woken up and has fully fed so he was in a good mood. I usually just reply that he’s taking everything in and studying everyone. He is now 6 months old and starting to be very happy with others, like you say.

MaidofMuswell · 22/04/2019 09:47

Ah thanks both, good to know not just me. Feel disloyal because end up acting like mad clown in front of family to get her to grin and stresses us both out. I think she’s just happiest in smaller groups and not being treated like a performing monkey by hoards of loud slightly pissed relatives... Oddly enough 😂

OP posts:
BabyBadger2 · 22/04/2019 09:47

It does sound like you're being a bit over sensitive to be honest.
There's nothing wrong with being a serious baby and it's not an insult to say so (my niece is 2 now and has always been a very serious baby, and she's amazing).

The adults are probably just trying to make themselves feel better about the baby not smiling at them and your comments about him being ok with you/DH will make them assume even more that the baby just doesn't like them?

BabyBadger2 · 22/04/2019 09:49

Sorry ignore the second para - it wasn't you who said that :)

LL83 · 22/04/2019 09:56

I think you are overthinking it. If I smile and make silly faces at a baby and little reaction "aren't they serious" or "dont like me today" are common phrases in the situation. It's not an insult to your baby its acknowledging I just did something silly and it didnt work. Would be unusual to stop blowing raspberries or babbling and start a regular conversation as though I hadn't done it at all.

You can be sure family and friends love your baby and aren't meaning to make you feel any upset. Stop trying to make her laugh when it doesn't suit you, take the pressure off yourself.

Butchyrestingface · 22/04/2019 09:57

Do they say anything nice about the baby or is it all comments about her being serious?

I was a smiley, happy, placid baby who beamed at anyone and everyone, OP. Strangers would stop my mother out walking with me in my pram to comment on what a happy wee baby I was. I grew up to be a dour, unsmiley gargoyle with a face like a skelped arse. So there’s hope yet. Grin

MaidofMuswell · 22/04/2019 09:58

I think you’re right - it’s the note if disappointment when they make the comments that bothers me - my dh actually seems to quite like her being more reserved, he’s that way himself and think he finds me and ds being loudmouths bit overwhelming and is secretly hoping she’s going to be a quiet reading companion! It’s that it’s clearly a source of disappointment for my wider family who think or seem to misremember all other babies (and definitely the “good” babies) they’ve met were basically pouring rounds of drinks and telling raucous anecdotes at this age 😂

OP posts:
MaidofMuswell · 22/04/2019 09:59

Just seen the last comment from butchy when missed when posting - that’s really cracked me up thank you!!! ❤️😂😂

OP posts:
Fluffymullet · 22/04/2019 12:09

I had a serious baby: comments that helped:

She saves her smiles for her mummy
She doesn't suffer fools gladly
She's just like her daddy

She is a character and quirky even at 4yo. The most interesting friends I have think she's great and recognise her strengths and that made me feel better at the time. Passers by in the street and wider family members don't get her but that's fine by me!

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