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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel absolutely broken by sleep deprivation?

24 replies

Teachtolive · 22/04/2019 06:19

Baby is 18 months old, 2nd child. She still seems to think that 530am is an acceptable time to wake up. DH a s I split nights and mornings but I'm shattered. I had a relatively sleepless pregnancy and 21 months in I'm going mad. She has to be cuddled to sleep from night time wake ups, she just howls if I put her back in and shes not asleep. I feel like I'll never be well rested again. What do I do?

OP posts:

Napqueen1234 · 22/04/2019 06:26

I don’t have any great ideas on how to fix it (other than doing what you’re doing- alternating nights, early bedtime for you) etc but just wanted to say YANBU sleep deprivation is dreadful. You will be well rested again one day!

sodonesooverit · 22/04/2019 06:30

Oh bless you. Yes she's going to howl but put her down in her cot. Stay with her, pat her bum, sing a gentle song, pat her bum some more till she falls asleep. It's not leaving her to cry it out, you're with her and she is safe, regardless of how angrily she shouts at you! The early morning wake ups are hard but the easiest thing to do is just go to bed earlier - 8pm/9pm at the latest. And know that even if you do nothing, it will get better in it's own time too

CallItLoneliness · 22/04/2019 06:40

I hate to say it but...sleep with her. She will outgrow it eventually.

HopefulAgain10 · 22/04/2019 06:53

She sounds exactly like my ds. We couldnt manage anymore and sleep trianed him. Wish we did it sooner. And no, sleeping with her hoping she will outgrow it wont happen. More likely she will be restless and now you have her in the bed and you wont sleep at all.

Kittykat93 · 22/04/2019 06:55

Sorry no advice but I have an 18 month old and feel the same. I'm constantly shattered and it's making me feel so low. He's not even a terrible sleeper!

BasilTheGreat · 22/04/2019 07:01

Great advice from Sodon. Don’t pick her up from the cot even if she howls. Just stay and reassure her, use a calm voice.

londonloves · 22/04/2019 07:02

Feeling the same here this morning after 0515 wake up having conslept most of the night. I can't handle letting him cry at all so just bring him into bed with me. I do worry I'm creating a monster who will never sleep on his own but I have no resilience for anything else right now.

Mistigri · 22/04/2019 07:06

What does she do when she wakes at 5.30am? My DS used to be a very early waker (even after sleep training). I used to leave it as long as possible before going to him in the morning as he would usually talk or grizzle to himself rather than outright crying. I think you just have to make early waking as boring as possible and eventually they decide they'd rather sleep a bit longer.

What time does she go to bed and does she nap?

user1493413286 · 22/04/2019 07:15

My DD was like this and in the end I gave up and let her sleep in our bed when she woke in the night. Funnily enough she spent a week in our bed every night but since then she’s mostly in her bed until 5-5.30am then ours and maybe comes in earlier in the night about once a week. She’s 2 now btw.

GVmama · 22/04/2019 07:20

Oh poor you, I've been there and it's truly awful. I remember that broken feeling so well.
At 18 months I would be replacing the cuddles with a fluffy toy or blanket as a soother, and stroking/ talking gently but not holding her whilst she goes to sleep. She will howl to begin with but will probably quickly learn to sleep without the cuddles and will sleep for longer and wake less as she'll have her blanket/ toy soother with her. I know it's not for everyone, but you've done 18 months, you're shattered and you matter too

underneaththeash · 22/04/2019 07:23

WE just got a TV for our room (and a miniature chair) and DS would sit and watch Cbeebies whilst we slept. He did eventually grow out of it.

Rach000 · 22/04/2019 07:27

Sounds like my second child, but she is 16 months. Half 5 is the time she wakes up pretty much every day. Sometimes it is 5 or sometimes she lasts till 6!! Not 6 very often. I am knackered and can't take much more. She is really terrible at been left in her bed, she will scream and scream even if we are sat there trying to comfort her. I know people say it should work, but she is soooo stubborn and likes so much attention. I think we will just have to wait. I went away for the 2 nights this weekend as we wanted to get her used to my husband giving her a bottle as she always wants me. The first night wasn't great but she had a bottle and went to sleep woke up a lot. But the second night she was even worse and didn't have her bed time bottle till about half 2 and spent most of the time crying and pointing at the door. So really don't know what else we can do.
Some babies just need a lot of attention.

Dreamingofkfc · 22/04/2019 07:27

I'd just bring her into your bed at that time and go back to sleep

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 22/04/2019 07:58

I've been there ! Totally understand. My ds did not sleep through until he was 2.5. It was torture. We did the supernanny thing of putting him back to bed , kiss, cuddle " time for sleep ' type phrases and no interaction. I won't lie to you, the 1st night was ridiculous- but it took 3 nights .
He's still an early riser, that's just him- we had some success with the gro clock starting when he was 3 years old. Now he's 5 he will watch a DVD in his bedroom or get in with me and watch his ipad quietly until a reasonable hour !
Ironically, I got used to the early mornings- it's not so bad when you get an unbroken sleep. It was my time to get my laundry done....He's at his dad's right now and I was up at 6.30 even though I could have had a lie in haha

Original poster

Teachtolive · 22/04/2019 08:19

Thanks for all the advice and reassurance. We're in a bit of a tough spot I suppose, we've been working on getting her to go to sleep by herself at night and if she's in the right form it goes well enough, but if shes crying its outrageous and she'll wake DD1!

If she would only sleep in my bed I would be happy to have her there but all she does is climb all over and try to get down.

Her naps are good. Usually 2-3 hours in one go every day. The reality is 3 hours is probably a bit long but again if we wake her sooner shes like a demon and wont eat.

I'm sure she will eventually grow out of it but I just feel like I'm so tired I've been hit by a truck. I know I'm not firing on all cylinders because of it. I find myself wishing for the teen years when they sleep til noon!

OP posts:

Ferfeckssake · 22/04/2019 08:32

Oh I really feel for you.My daughter was the same. Now 23(!) But the horrors of those early mornings still remain.
And like you, it was all very well being told to " cry it out " but she was my DC2 and it would have meant the whole household being awake.

Eventually , I and DC1 stayed at MIL one weekend while DH tried the soothing thing - knew he would hold out longer ! He slept daytime while I had her then.
By Monday night , it was like a new baby!!!Dunno , might be worth a try !

Floatingfancy · 22/04/2019 08:33

Does she sleep through or is the 5.30am on top of night wakings?

Original poster

Teachtolive · 22/04/2019 09:01

@Floatingfancy its generally through to 530. If she wakes earlier she'll sometimes have a bottle and go back to sleep. We might get til 630 then

OP posts:

MumUndone · 22/04/2019 09:15

I think you may have unrealistic expectations. Babies often wake up at 5 or 5.30am so if she's sleeping through until then, there's not a lot you can do other than go to bed earlier yourself.

MumUndone · 22/04/2019 09:16

That being said, it is really hard - you have my sympathy!

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 22/04/2019 09:19

Its beyond awful but hopefully it will get better.My ds 5 used to wake up for good at 5am around that stage,once he started nursery he got better then at school age he now does around 7am.I hope it passes soon for you.

Floatingfancy · 22/04/2019 10:16

Tbh then 5.30 is pretty normal for that age. DS woke at 5 for months and months. I just went to bed at 10 and it was fine.

Original poster

Teachtolive · 22/04/2019 11:07

Hopefully itll pass soon. It's always swings and roundabouts isn't it? Dd1 used to take forever to go to sleep but would sleep til 8. Ugh... any money for unbroken sleep.

OP posts:

Ohhellothereladyface · 22/04/2019 11:10

Following with interest as I’m in a similar boat - DD is 22 months, never slept through the night, waking multiple times and needs a boob (and ideally to be sprawled out in the middle of my bed!) to get back to sleep. Also wakes really early (always by 5am). Absolutely shattered.

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