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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel unsupported by DH

5 replies

DoAsSayNotAsDo · 21/04/2019 23:04

An immediate relative has booked to get married next Easter in Sri Lanka (over 2hrs from any of the sites of today's bombings).

Me, DH & our 2 young children (who are due to be bridesmaid & page boy) have been invited.

I was devastated by this mornings news & thoughts have been with everyone affected.

I'm feeling like I've got a huge knot in my stomach, I know that no quick decisions can be made regarding if we will travel or not, and DH has already made it clear he was not happy that we were having to travel so far for the wedding (we are fortunate not to have financial issues & kids old enough to do long haul).

Seeing a bit about it on the news with kids in bed prompted him to say about what a tricky situation it was and whether we should risk taking the kids... something that's been on my mind too, but also empathising with my relative, knowing this is their holiday of a lifetime/they've already made payments and foreseeing that I'm going to be caught in the middle of a battle between them all... all I can think of is risks to my all of families safety/potential disappointment & heartbreak (my DD has already been counting down to it).
My husband has accused me of putting my immediate relative before my children (I took it as read that with him already saying about the kids safety that it was implicit that they were my first thought) but that I'm also in a tricky position with how things play out/how I even discuss this with my relative... but no apparently I have swung from being more concerned with how my relative would take news of us not going (if we don't go - although I don't know what would reassure DH - he doesn't know either at the moment), to, following tears from me about how I feel so under pressure from between him & my immediate family, but apparently it's not them, it's the situation that's putting me under pressure & I'm only actually caring about myself.
If it was his friends or family that had invited us there, I feel I'd be much more supportive of him... AIBU?

OP posts:
ZippyBungleandGeorge · 21/04/2019 23:09

Does he ever go to London? Manchester, Paris? I could go on, I funny think you can avoid all places where things like this have happened. I think wait and see what government advice is as to travel to Sri Lanka and take it from there.

User12879923378 · 21/04/2019 23:11

Next Easter? As in next year? I think it's far too early to say no, personally. What's happened in Sri Lanka is heartbreaking but I would be waiting to see if this level of terrorism continued, personally.

HBStowe · 21/04/2019 23:13

The likelihood of you being in danger in a year is very small so plan to go unless government advice changes.

OccasionallyIncomplet · 21/04/2019 23:17

When some books a wedding overseas - they are making a very selfish decision. However they should also be sighted in the fact that not everyone is going to be able to go. That is why many will have the Wedding abroad, but also some form of 'celebration' when they return for family and friends who did not or can not travel.

In your case, I wouldn't be pressured into doing anything you don't want too. Wedding or not. SL is a long haul destination so you should feel very empowered, Wedding or not, to say no for a variety of reasons.

WonkoTheSane42 · 21/04/2019 23:38

The terrorists targeted Easter services - large numbers, maximum impact. They’re not going to blow up some randomer’s wedding.

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