Goady ex friend

[Stripyseagulls]

I fell out with a friend of 25 years at the end of last year. Long story but she basically made fuck all effort, it was all me keeping the friendship going & in the end she lied about a health issue to get out of meeting up & then posted pics of herself on a night out on Facebook instead. I challenged her & it resulted in a horrible row.

Anyway, she has taken zero responsibility for it all, blamed me & is now being really goady as she still sees some of our mutual friends. She keeps posting pointed comments on social media etc! I don’t even see it but other people have told me.

It’s all really childish & grim but it’s clear she blames me & doesn’t understand why I exited the friendship. I got fed up chasing it and felt a bit of a fool.

It’s just all making me feel so crap about myself as she genuinely has behaved badly but it’s hard to move on when she still sees mutual friends who I have no issue with.

Aibu to have another word with her or just try to move on. It’s like a grieving process but I find the blaming me & total lack of self responsibility from her really grim.

Move on Op. I completely get the grieving process as I had a friend change beyond all recognition last year and it's taken me a long time to mourn the end of our friendship. But I don't think having it out with her would do you any good. Keep your head high, you know the truth (and your other friends probably do too). And it all sounds so cliche but really the best revenge is to get yourself into a happy and healthy state mentally and enjoy living your life. Be the bigger person, no matter how hard it may feel now, in the future you'll be pleased you did.

@bringit Thankyou! That’s really great advice xx

I would laugh when your ‘so called’ friends talk about the nonsense she posts. Honestly, they don’t sound like very good friends if they feel the need to drag stuff like this up. There are a couple of ways to deal with this.

How does the conversation even get around to her? Do you bring her up, or do they? If it’s you, then stop. If it’s them, tell them to stop as it’s all very boring and immature.

If they continue, then laugh and airily say, “oh that is funny. The way she’s still obsessed with me, bless”. They’re trying to push your buttons and she’s probably enjoying the feedback.

I agree with above comments!! I also have been at the bad end of a one sided friendship that I was desperate to cling on to! I let go and she's still manipulating!! I would wash your hands and move on, sometimes it's better to say nothing and be the bigger person! Trying to talk isn't always the answer

@S1naid they still see her a bit and I guess feel a bit in the middle. She’s very good at marketing herself in a particular way when actually she’s not that nice. It’s all just left a bad taste

Move on. But if her pointed comments are crossing the line, let her know you’ve been told and you’d like it to stop.

Thanks everyone- I never thought I would be dealing with this kind of shite in my 40’s but I am. It’s almost been a passive aggressive response from the ex friend

Tell the mutual friends not to update you about ex friend. Tell them you wish her well but no longer have a friendship so no need to update about her comments.

Sounds like she thrives on the drama, how sad for her. I agree with others, ignore it or at the very least laugh it off when mutual friends bring it up and make it clear you’re not interested in investing in the crazy.

I wouldn't contact her personally but I would call her out and comment on her post, eg. 'ah, you poor pet, who did that to you xx' and let her fly with that, she may embarrass herself.

Can friends gaslight you or is that just in romantic relationships? As that’s what it feels like - like it’s all my fault and I am the one with the issue- its made me feel a little bit like I am going mad tbh