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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want a wedding reception

24 replies

MotherOfCatss · 21/04/2019 21:50

Me and DP are getting married at the beginning of next year.

Tonight I was talking about what food we could put on for the evening reception and he's turned around and said he doesn't understand why we need a 'party'.

He says he doesn't see why we cant just do the church ceremony and nothing else. He's only interested in being married but if that's what I want then that's fine.

I feel like a bridezilla now (and a bit daft) for wanting a bit of a gathering afterwards and like he thinks I'm just organising a piss up or something.

For context, we've booked our local village Hall and I was just looking at simple buffets. It is in no way a huge extravagant event but I'd like to put on a little something to celebrate our day and let our friends and family spend some time together.

Am I really being that unreasonable to want to have a small reception on our wedding day?! I know he's right that we don't need to but I would like to and that's okay isn't it?

OP posts:
aibutohavethisusername · 21/04/2019 21:51

YANBU, how odd of him.

Bambamber · 21/04/2019 21:52

You're overthinking this. He wasn't fussed about throwing a party but is happy to have one if that's what you want. Nothing to fret about at all

Chilledout11 · 21/04/2019 21:54

The fact that you have booked a hall is bizarre of he didn't want a party.
I wouldn't make a fuss as he has said it's ok to go ahead. Most people have a party so I don't get why he feels it's strange to want one.

Original poster
MotherOfCatss · 21/04/2019 21:55

It's the way he came across that's upset me I guess. It's hard to put down in writing but it's as though he was implying I didn't think marriage was the most important thing and I just want the 'party' at the end.

OP posts:
Original poster
MotherOfCatss · 21/04/2019 21:56

The fact that you have booked a hall is bizarre of he didn't want a party

This is what I said! He was happy enough to book it (and pay a deposit). It's only since I've asked him to get involved by giving his opinion on what food to have that he's raised this.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 21/04/2019 21:59

The reception is as much for guests as for you. I would point out that it's not self indulgence, it's about wanting to be a good host and do something for the people who've made the effort to come.

PlanBea · 21/04/2019 22:01

A reception is a thank you for your guests for coming to your ceremony - even if you just have a cake and drinks in the church hall, you should be doing something. YANBU for wanting to celebrate with your nearest and dearest!

Wolfiefan · 21/04/2019 22:01

If people have travelled to the wedding it’d be pretty rubbish to send them off without something to eat or drink. And of course you won’t get to actually speak to any of your guests at the wedding so a reception or party would be lovely for the bride and groom.

Original poster
MotherOfCatss · 21/04/2019 22:07

Thanks! That's what I thought too. It's just a bit odd (and rude imho) to just pack guests off after a ceremony. As someone else said, you wouldn't even get to have a conversation with anyone!

He wants the church service and to invite all our family and friends etc.. so it's not like he just wants a tiny intimate service just us two so I'm just a bit confused.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 21/04/2019 22:14

I wouldn't have just a ceremony and an evening reception. That sounds very weird. I would have something immediately after the ceremony. Buffet is fine. Doesn't have to be a big party or dancing or whatever, but I think if you're inviting people you like and love, why wouldn't you want the chance to spend some time with them?

PotsOfJoy · 21/04/2019 22:15

Did he actually turn around when he said that?

Original poster
MotherOfCatss · 21/04/2019 22:50

Did he actually turn around when he said that?

OP posts:
Original poster
MotherOfCatss · 21/04/2019 22:51

Grin Grin

Posted too soon!!

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 21/04/2019 22:54

So what did he think the two of you were going to get up to in the village hall on your wedding evening? Confused Shock

HBStowe · 21/04/2019 22:54

YANBU. It’s not about an excuse for a party, it’s about being a generous host to your guests, many of whom will travel to see you marry. Besides, regardless of how po-faced some MNers are about it, a wedding is a celebration and there’s nothing in the world wrong with wanting to have a party.

Italiangreyhound · 21/04/2019 22:58

YANBU.

Your finance is acting odd. Of course you have a celebration with food and drink and friends and family. The only reason not to do this is if you both did not want this, then it would be fine.

His attitude is really odd and frankly unpleasant. Have you been together long? Did he think guests would travel to see you and then bugger off to Burger King? Very odd thinking on his part.

Greeborising · 21/04/2019 23:02

So do you plan to get married then say
“Thank you all for coming, cheers”
Then go home to get out of your finery into your PJ’s get a cup of tea while you watch TV
OR
Get married then say
“See you on the dance floor! Ooh another champagne?no, I really couldn’t! “Hung like a bull and they call it Macarena!!”
I love this song!
Sooooo good to see you!
Maw maw!!
Oh thanks! Yes I know I FEEL beautiful ☺️“
The most important thing for me getting married was being able to share it with all the people I love.
It’s a celebration!

ChiaraRimini · 22/04/2019 01:12

Has your fiancé ever been to a wedding??
Does he not remember going to the reception afterwards??
I would be a bit worried about what else he doesn't see the point of, he sounds a bit odd to me.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/04/2019 01:18

Has your fiancé ever been to a wedding??

Is he from a culture where they don't celebrate life events? Of which there are relatively few. Because people like a party.

Klopptimist · 22/04/2019 01:31

Did he actually turn around when he said that?

Perhaps he got a little bit tired of listening to the sound of his tears? Or nervous that the best of the years have gone by?

Someoneonlyyouknow · 22/04/2019 01:43

I think it's great that your DP recognizes the importance of the marriage whereas some people concentrate only on the party aspect but the reception is to thank your guests for coming to witness the ceremony. Perhaps he is concerned about the reception becoming bigger than he anticipated? Did he want only a daytime reception and you are now talking about an evening event too? Reassure him that it doesn't have to cost too much if that is his concern. Then make sure he is listening in future when you are talking about the wedding!

Purpleartichoke · 22/04/2019 02:09

A wedding celebration can take many forms. We just did the ceremony and then a nice meal with our guests because neither of us likes dances. I heard about one wedding that stocked tons of board games for guests. I went to one that Was centered on karaoke.

Think about what would make the celebration perfect for the two of you and then do that.

LikeDolphinsCanSwim · 22/04/2019 02:17

Could there be a reason that he has suddenly become more worried about money? Problems at work possibly?

llangennith · 22/04/2019 02:29

Maybe he just can't be bothered with all the planning? Would he be happy to have a reception if you do all the planning?

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