Big birthday coming up this year 
that I’m spending on holiday. My parents want to do a family party when I get back. Because my little nephew loves surprise parties (his other grandparents just had one for their Golden wedding), my parents have said this will be a surprise too. (It can’t be an actual surprise as I live three hours away - I’d just have to pretend.)
Normally I’d love this as I’m close to my extended family. However, on my last trip home (when they first brought it up), my cousin invited us all to a big party for her daughter’s 21st, which will be only a couple of weeks after the planned date for my party.
My mother brought it up again the next day and I said we probably didn’t need to bother now as we’d all be getting together two weeks later anyway. She said ‘Oh no, of course we’ll do something separate for you’. I thanked her but said there was really no need. She then said, ‘But I think you’ll have to have a party as Josh wants to do a surprise’. I said that that was sweet, but Josh is 7 and will have forgotten about surprise parties by the time it comes around. At this point she got a bit hand-wringy and said ‘So you don’t want us to do anything for you?’
It’s not that I don’t want them to do anything - I just don’t see the point in the circumstances. Why would they go to all this effort, and why would I travel for three hours, to go to a party with people I’ll be having a very similar party with two weeks later? Why would my extended family want to give up two weekends in a month?
Another crucial point is that I’m being a bridesmaid five weeks after I get back off holiday. I need to organise a hen do for the weeks in between the holiday and the wedding. The weekend of my cousin’s 21st is already out - if my parents throw this party, that’s another weekend gone. That’s before even considering that’s I might want to celebrate with friends who won’t be on holiday with me.
I’ve spoken to my father, who is generally more practical about these things, and he gets it. I’m not sure my mother will. I’m thinking of suggesting a nice lunch with close family the day after the 21st - that way we still do something that’s just for me, without two versions of the same party.
I should clarify that I know how lucky I am to have family who want to throw me a party and good friends who want to come on holiday with me. I would love a family party in different circumstances, but as things are it just seems like a lot for everyone to take on.