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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to be kept up to date?

18 replies

pinklemonade84 · 21/04/2019 19:11

We've just spent a lovely week and a half in the in law's caravan, that they generously let us use over dd's birthday and they joined us on Thursday night

Myself and dh left this morning so that he could leave for work at 2pm and I could get dd's birthday presents put away in her toy box. In laws were fetching dd back home and the plan was that they were going to have a pootle around, give dd some lunch and then set off

Normally they have her back by 6pm at the latest if they have her for an afternoon, but 10 minutes ago I'd not heard anything and started to worry as neither mil or fil were answering their phones. So I text fil and asked for him to update me as I was starting to worry and got a really short and snotty message back that they were stuck in traffic and there was nothing else they could do. I just messaged back and asked if she was being good and to let me know if anything changes

aibu to expect an update if something like this happens? I know she's generally safe with them and pretty much leave them to it if she's with them. But, you don't know what other idiots are on the road, anything could happen and we were approaching an hour past their normal drop off

OP posts:
BlueJava · 21/04/2019 19:14

I think it depends on their form - if it was my MIL I would expect her to be late. If it was my parents I'd expect them to be early. Sounds like FIL has had a rough day with the traffic so give him a bit of grace! Whichever one isn't driving should have texted though to update you in my view.

BertrandRussell · 21/04/2019 19:18

Someone should have texted you- but it’s not really a big deal-they probably just kept thinking the traffic would clear. Not a bill to die on.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 21/04/2019 19:18

They're normally pretty spot on with when they drop her off usually, which is what made me worry to begin with

Mil does the driving, but they have the in car Bluetooth technology, so she was able to answer (I tried her phone after fil's)

Fil is a mahoosive worrier and would expect to be kept up to date if we were travelling somewhere and stuck in traffic, despite his son being 35 in June

I've kept calm back to him and just made out that as it was later than usual I just wanted to check in

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 21/04/2019 19:18

*hill

RoxanneMonke · 21/04/2019 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thewinkingprawn · 21/04/2019 19:20

I’s Just let it go - maybe they were stressed and ratty from the heat and traffic and didn’t think. If you’ve had a lovely week i’d just forget it.

Expressedways · 21/04/2019 19:22

Did you agree a specific drop off time? Or did you leave it open ended but assumed they’d be back around 6pm because that’s their usual time? A text would have been thoughtful, but I don’t think they would have necessarily thought it was required if there wasn’t a concrete agreement that they’d drop her off at 6pm. I wouldn’t get too upset about this, particular as by the sounds of you got in touch with them in under 10 minutes. Next time just say have DD back by a specific time and if you’re running late due to traffic just drop me a text and let me know. No need to make this a bigger deal than it needs to be .

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 21/04/2019 19:22

I won't say anything to them

It's a hot day and they're stuck in traffic with a 3 year old, not something I'd be overly happy about

I just didn't like being made to feel awkward about checking in

OP posts:
Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 21/04/2019 19:24

@Expressedways I just assumed they'd be back at normal time as their plan was to set off not long after lunch and it's only really a 1.5 hour drive

The main thing is that dd is ok

OP posts:
GottenGottenGotten · 21/04/2019 19:24

Not unreasonable to want an update.

It's best not to tell people you are worried, though, as they might think that means you don't think she's safe with them.

Better to go with something like ' 'hi, hope you've had a lovely time and that dd has been behaving. Any chance of an ETA?'

gamerwidow · 21/04/2019 19:26

If they’re normally good they’ll probably feel bad about snapping at you when they’ve got home and calmed down. No ones at their best stuck in a traffic jam. You didn’t do anything wrong, you just caught them at the wrong moment.

Noonooyou · 21/04/2019 19:27

Sorry but I think YABU. You didn't specify a time together, they said they'd drop her home. They aren't running late as there wasn't a specified time to be home for them to be late.
It might have been nice for them to send a text on their way just so you were aware.
I hate how in this day and age with technology that people think something bad has happened as soon as someone doesn't answer the phone. Sometimes phones are on silent, perhaps it wasn't connected to the Bluetooth, perhaps at that time they were concentrating on which turning to take.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 21/04/2019 19:29

@Noonooyou to be fair, it's a journey that they do almost every weekend so mil is well aware of which turning to take

They were getting on for an hour past their usual drop off time so of course I was going to worry. To be honest I think anyone would if they couldn't get in touch with the people looking after their dc

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 21/04/2019 19:31

If you were going to be that concerned about it, then I think you should have confirmed an ETA beforehand. I wouldn't read anything into a short text message in reply. They're also stuck in traffic on a hot day, I'm not surprised they aren't feeling chatty.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 21/04/2019 19:38

I wasn't expecting a huge detailed reply

Maybe something along the lines of "sorry forgot to update, stuck in traffic, dd fine"

OP posts:
Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 21/04/2019 19:39

Anyway like I say, I've not responded in a similar tone and when they do get back, I'll be fine and welcoming and not create an atmosphere

Like I say, it just got to me that I got a snotty reply and made to feel awkward for checking in

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 21/04/2019 20:07

Anyway like I say, I've not responded in a similar tone and when they do get back, I'll be fine and welcoming and not create an atmosphere

Yes definitely the best course of action. Something like this isn't worth over thinking and it'll be forgotten about soon enough.

Noonooyou · 21/04/2019 20:45

I agree don't mention anything. You keep mentioning the usual time but not specifying a time opens up to a mix of communication. Nobody is in the wrong.

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