Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have you ever not had a night away from dc?

28 replies

MummyCool19 · 21/04/2019 18:37

It’s really getting me down. Youngest is nearly 3 and I have never had a night away. I’m desperate for a night/weekend away with DH. We don’t get any time together at all but have absolutely no one to have the dc. It’s depressing but we choose this life I know. But it’s soooo exhausting 😩😩😩😩

How do you cope when you don’t get any time from dc? How do you stay sane?

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/04/2019 18:41

My daughter is only 20months but I don’t have anyone to have her overnight. A baby sitter is fine for a few hours away- then me and husband can go away separately if we wanted. I don’t think that’s abnormal

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/04/2019 18:41

Could you go away with your friends for a night or two?

Didntwanttochangemyname · 21/04/2019 18:43

My oldest DC is 3, we've had 1 night away without him, for a wedding.

I'm ashamed to admit I'd love a night or two away. I'm a SAHM, DH works away a lot - it would mean the world to us!

How to survive it? God knows, if you find out, let me know!

Sassenach85 · 21/04/2019 18:44

I feel your pain lol. My DD is 5 and for a multitude of reasons she's never been away from us at night. I would love a night away to have dinner dress nicely go to a hotel room .... never gonna happen. Have made my peace with it and try not to be too jealous of all these couples with so much time to chill.

frenchonion · 21/04/2019 18:44

I recommend divorce! It's bliss having nights off. I genuinely mean it. Never been happier!

MsMamaNature · 21/04/2019 18:45

If you have no one to look after the kids (in terms of other family members/close friends) then your only other option if you want a break is a hotel with onsite childminding/kids club. Kids club gives you time together during the day and childminding service frees up time in the evening. Even a few hours break will make all the difference if you aren't used to it.

mindutopia · 21/04/2019 18:45

We have had a few nights when we just had 1 (youngest is only 1). We had family who could occasionally help back then (but not anymore).

What keeps me sane is I travel on my own. I have at least one long weekend a year just to myself (also work travel but that’s different). I go somewhere I want to go - usually a city break in Europe somewhere- and I do what I want to do. Dh does the same, though usually with friends (I prefer going on my own). We also carve out weekend evenings for us (we rarely go out with friends, otherwise we wouldn’t see much of each other). We used to have a babysitter from when our eldest was 3 and did one evening out per month. Expensive but well worth it. But for me, it’s the time away traveling on my own that allows me to re-charge and feel like an adult again. It’s wonderful. You don’t have to go far. You can have a relaxing weekend to yourself in the UK too.

Amanduh · 21/04/2019 18:46

I haven’t and don’t feel the need to? Have nights out etc with a babysitter (family) but we have evenings together and enjoy holidays weekends away etc with him. Think it just depends how you feel!

Fluffymullet · 21/04/2019 18:54

1 night away in 4 years whilst giving birth to number 2! In the next few months I have some nights away for work/hen dos planned where DH will stay with kids. We don't have anyone to take them overnight.

We do have babysitters rarely for the odd evening out, or whilst they are in nursery, have a 'date day' it's hard without family support

McMole · 21/04/2019 18:56

I've had 2 nights away from dd (4) and even then she was with DH while I was on a course. Never had any time alone just the two of us as not got anyone here to babysit.

Leeeeemon36 · 21/04/2019 18:58

No time off without the kids for 5 years until the youngest was eligible for free hours.
Going to work kept me sane, being able to sit in the loo without anybody bursting in, able to eat without getting up to fetch fork/spoon/drink, adult conversations and HOT tea that I could drink in peace and pace I wanted.

Original poster
MummyCool19 · 21/04/2019 18:59

I suppose it’s because we have 3dc. If it was one I would find it easier I think. It’s so tiring! I’m a sahm and although I enjoy it when the older ones re at school Then when they get home it’s so loud and crazy 😩😩

OP posts:
SimonJT · 21/04/2019 18:59

I’m very lucky, once every three weeks my cousin has my son over night to give me some time off.

Sassenach85 · 21/04/2019 19:00

We haven't even been out at night nvm over night. It's just the situation we are dealing with but I have no suggestions sorry lol. Maybe when she's older .... Hmm

notyourmummy · 21/04/2019 19:01

Elder one nearly 8yo, younger one just turned 2yo and never had a night away. To be fair I didn't think most people got to have a night away until their children were old enough to stay home alone, so I'd never thought about it until this post...

thewinehasgonetomyhead · 21/04/2019 19:02

mindutopia this is an amazing idea and something I’ve never thought to do. Where have you been?

CupcakeDrama · 21/04/2019 19:04

Im a single mum and my ex is absent (so not every single parent gets nights off, many of us dont) ive never had a night off or break from my 4 as like I said ex is absent and family refuse to help.

Ilovemysleepthief · 21/04/2019 19:05

Nope, oldest nearly 6 and never Sad

behindthescenes · 21/04/2019 19:13

We have 3 and no family who can have them. We had our first ever weekend away recently (youngest finally sleeping through night etc) and paid our old childminder to have them Friday evening - Sunday morning at our house. Was extortionately expensive but they had a great time with her and we had a great time without them, because we knew they were happy. I left her £ for soft play, ice cream at park etc to make sure they felt they were having a great weekend too. I was worried it was crazy to spend so much to have less than 48 hours away, but it was 100% worth it. So could be worth considering asking anyone you trust at nursery or local childminders etc if they’d work a weekend if you really want to get away.

arethereanyleftatall · 21/04/2019 19:15

To have time off together you either need 1) friends or family to do it or 2)finances to pay for someone else to.

If we or any of our friends want to go out for a night out, rather than babysitting for each other, we tend to have their kids over to ours for sleepovers, so that the kids enjoy it too.

Dh have always given each other other plenty of alone time off, by doing solo childcare - hours doing respective sports each weekend plus weekends away with respective friends.

EleanorLavish · 21/04/2019 19:17

Mine range from 14-6 and we have had 1 night away in those 14 years Grin.
They'll be gone soon enough OP, and you can have lots of kid free nights.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/04/2019 19:19

No. They have been away with school on residentials occasionally but we've never left them to go away ourselves. We just ensure everything is done before they go to bed so that we can have time together to chill. Can't say it bothers me, I'd feel worse leaving them. We had plenty of trips away before they came along and will do again once they are adults.

Deadringer · 21/04/2019 19:20

I have had many nights away from the DC, even when they were very small. My mil loves them and loves having them so we have made the most of it.

mindutopia · 21/04/2019 20:15

@thewinehasgonetomyhead All sorts of places. I’ve been to London for a night away or once I hired someone’s shed on Airbnb for a weekend away (in Oxfordshire, it was partly a working weekend though). I’ve been to Barcelona twice (once I took then 8 month old ds, he enjoyed a few museums and also some tapas while I sat and had a glass of wine or two). Been to Paris and Munich and Galway in Ireland. It’s not quite the same but taking my eldest to Italy this summer (so not quite alone, but we do grown up things I want to do and she tags along).

Dads (assuming your dc have one in their lives, not everyone does!) are just as capable of doing a weekend alone with kids as anyone else. My dh has gad 7-10 days with them while I’ve travelled for work before and it’s wonderful for them. And me. So we don’t always get time as a couple, but we do make time for ourselves as individuals which is also really important. But we have lots of time together at home, which is key too.

MyPatronusIsAnOrca · 21/04/2019 20:27

My DS is 3 and I’ve had one night away from him and that was to give birth to DD. I’m not too fussed about having a night away, however I would love to have an evening out with DH .

But with a bottle refusing EBF baby I think we’re a while off yet!

Swipe left for the next trending thread