Am I an uptight mother?

[NightOwlStacey]

Today there was a family Easter gathering at a pub and I was bringing our 3 month old for a couple of hours. It was arranged so some people could meet DC but really a bit of an excuse to drink. Some friends arrived too and I was there for about an hour and a half and left when DC was crying because of tiredness. FIL was wagging his fingers in DC face constantly and in the end I had to say "leave it for a bit" because DC was starting to cry. FIL was then angry that I wanted to take DC home to feed instead of doing it in the noisy pub and said I was being uptight but in my mind that long in that environment is enough for a young baby. FIL says I should have stayed longer and let people have more time with the baby. WIBU?

Nope. A sensible mother putting baby first.

FIL sounds like he has had a few too many if he thinks that you should keep your baby in an environment they are not happy in.
FIL is also bloody rude for saying you were being uptight!

What has DH said about it all?

Not at all. When your baby is so young you have to listen to them not other people - you did absolutely the right thing making the decision to leave and deal with your DC as you choose. If you had persisted with FiL’s plan then could you imagine the post that could be put on here? ‘Our family Easter celebrations at local pub/restaurant was ruined because another family were passing a grizzly baby round rather than someone taking the poor child home for a rest, nap and some low stimulation!’

Nope, you were right to leave. You can’t please everyone and you should give up trying. Just do what works for you and bub!

Your FIL doesn’t have to have the aftermath of a grizzly child - I’d have done the same

I would have told him he can either stop wagging his dirty fucking fingers in my baby's face or lose them. His choice. What a pillock.

He sounds like a dick. You wouldn’t have been being U even if you’d left after 2 minutes, you don’t owe anyone else time with your baby.

He sounds a bit of an arse and very rude and disrespectful; a pub is not the ideal place for an infant, and if he’s grizzling then of course you want to go home!

Nope you're definitely not. That's a very overwhelming environment for a little one. Trust your instincts and do what's right for you and your little one.

No an hour and half is long enough to meet baby anyway and you shouldn’t have to feed baby where you aren’t comfortable just to please others. Now is time to stand up for yourself and say no before baby is older and they think they can make demands like that whenever they want.

I'm glad you've all said that. Why do people (my ILs) wag fingers right in babies faces and make loud clicking noises at them? My in laws do this all the time and I can see it's upsetting my baby- they get right into the baby's face and make loud clicking noises and wag their fingers. I want to tell them to stop it but not sure how without being rude. Do any babies actually like that?

You're not uptight, and your FIL is a wazzock. Your DS's needs come before other people's wants.

You’re not uptight. At that age then that was enough time especially with the fingers and clicking thing. I hate that enough when people do that to my cats. What did DH say about all of this?

I can't stand families where everything is an excuse to drink. Pissed after funerals, pissed after christenings, etc etc. (I'm in one of those (extended) families by the way). You weren't being unreasonable.

I wouldn't of gone in the first place so your FIL would hate me. I dot like babies and children in pubs.

FIL was being a dick. And what is with the clicking noise and finger wagging in baby's face? I had to stop my lovely father from making clicking noises as fgs I don't want babies copying it! Way to teach them to irritate the hell out of their parents!

You were right to go home as baby had had enough and FIL doesn't get to dictate to you!

I agree, do not be hard on yourself. You have a new baby and need to put yourselves first and do whatever to be comfortable and stay relaxed. Concentrate on you and your baby's needs. I think you did well to show up at the pub at all, it's a tough environment with a baby and coping with feeding regime and lack of sleep etc. The IL's probably don't mean any harm they just seem a bit ignorant. Try not to let it get on your nerves too much

(and my dad realised when I said "I don't want our children to learn nor copy that irritating noise Dad so pack it in!!"

My parents gave been fab but my DF/ DC's grandad needed guiding at the start ... If he'd started dictating to me (given most FILs/ grandads know zero about bringing up babies), then he'd have had short shrift from me!!

No you were being nice to take the baby in the first place ... I have a 21 week old and he still hasn’t entered a pub.

He could prob handle it for an hour or so but it’s not exactly a fun place for a baby or a mum.

You did the right thing...if you let your baby get over tired you would have had an awful rest of the day... as would the baby

If FIL brings it up again I would calmly tell him this and also explain that every time you wag your finger at the baby it cries ... based on this evidence I don’t think he/ she enjoys this at this time ( my 21 week old loves me clicking and making weird sounds ... but only started doing it recently because he enjoys mimicking me ... he does a marvellous raspberry now 😂😂 )

Everyone has an opinion I am afraid ... my mil ( who is lovely so I know it’s from a good place ) has been asking if I am feeding g my son juice yet ( from 18 weeks ) and talks about him needing solids since then too ... I can tell she worries that I haven’t given him apple juice and purée to munch on ... p.s I have no intention of giving him juice for a long long time and the little guy can’t sit up I a high chair to eat yet ( so concerned he may gag / he is happy with milk still ) . different generation different understanding of what is the right thing.

My FIL used to blow into my dd's face to "see if she's awake" so I became quite the ninja mum removing her from people who just didn't like her to sleep for some reason.

He didn't like it one day when he was asleep and my ex blew into his face and so woke him up. No-one ever admitted who it was and he was mad and confused as to why it had happened. Wanker.

You're a fab Mum, OP. You put your baby's needs first. You can read all those little cues and signals that tell us how our babies are feeling - that's called instinct.

Your FIL is a prat. Ignore him and continue being a fantastic Mam

It's a 3 month old baby. Of course you should go home when you and they have had enough.

He wanted to put other people wanting to see DC for hours at a time above her need to feed?

Tell him to piss off, frankly, and why.

He needs to be put back in his place where priorities are reset. He has some warped idea of priorities for a 12 week old.

You were really good to go for the time you did. Ds is also 3 months and we went to friends today and took the pram for his nap. I still only managed 3 hours with him as they get so over stimulated at this age. And that was just 4 of us in their quiet garden.
As far as the waving things and clicking at them goes, I'm with you, it's annoying. I've never met a baby who likes it, I have to remove all toys when the ils visit as they just shake them in his face
Maybe try the same and/or feign a nappy change when it's the fingers?

YANBUptight