Or is using us as a relationship test?

[NononoLimit]

DH's cousin has a new BF, she has 2 kids from a previous relationship who haven't met him yet as it's very early days but she has announced that next weekend she'll be bringing her BF over to meet us (me, DH and our DC) when we go and see DH's aunt.

Problem is, she has said to her mum (DH's aunt) that it's a test to see how he interacts with us because me and DC are ethnic minorities and she doesn't know how "liberal" he is, as well as wanting to know how he gets on with kids before he meets hers.

AIBU in thinking you have some other way of establishing this, not using people for it, especially not someone else's kids?

So say no, you're not going to be used as a test. Cheeky bugger.

That's really quite shocking and very rude of her. Yes, she would be using you and no it isn't acceptable. Can you or your DH speak to the cousin and say you don't appreciate being used as tolerance testers? You don't have to say who told you. Otherwise find yourselves unexpectedly unavailable that day.

This is ridiculous (of her, not you)

That's horrible. There must be other ways of weeding out racist twats that don't involve the feelings of actual people. I've always managed in the past.

Tell you’re not a freebie racist-weeding test. God almighty.

He might not be racist but she certainly sounds like she is.

He might not be racist but she certainly sounds like she is

^^ exactly this

@MrsTerryPratchett
Oh FGS. It isn't very nice of OP's husband's cousin to use her and her family in this way but there is no way that the cousin sounds racist from what OP said.

Nothing OP has said would lead any right thinking person to that conclusion. If anything, the cousin wants to check that he is not a racist.

Bandying about the term 'racist' without proper cause is irresponsible and maybe you need to check that you actually understand what it means.

OP, could you or your husband have a word with his cousin and say you are uncomfortable with being used in this way? There has to be a better way of her finding out how he feels about other races.

Thanks for the replies. DH has spoken to her and she said she wanted to introduce us primarily but it naturally killed two birds with one stone

DH and his cousins are immensely close and more like siblings, I know it means a lot to DH o meet this man but I no longer want to. I'm just infuriated about it and DH is trying to keep the peace by not saying much.

I've weeded out racists perfectly fine during my life through conversation, surely that works for everyone?