Ex contacted my family

[heislost]

Not sure if anyone can remember my post recently about my ex cancelling my son's hospital appointment, but since then, he has contacted my mum telling her he's never done anything wrong to me and that I am hurting him by stopping him seeing his son. Asking her to get him to engage with me.

He's been emotionally abusive throughout our whole relationship and genuinely can't see that and thinks he's the victim in all this.

He's making me confused and because he believes he's done nothing wrong and is genuinely upset, I feel guilty. I know I shouldn't and keep reminding myself of how awful he was towards me.

I need to get a non molestation order but need help and am sorting this next week.

Why do some men behave like this? I really hate him and can't believe he thinks he's done nothing wrong. It feels so intrusive him contacting my mother who is actually supporting me through this and has witnessed his nasty behaviour.

Feeling lost. If anyone can offer and wise or helpful words it would be appreciated.

Should my mum respond? Or just ignore?

Are there child protection risks in relation to your child?

Ignore, definitely ignore.

I can see how tempting it would be to respond. But in the long term just ignoring is probably the better option (and if it makes you feel better, imagine how frustrating it will be for him to not get the reaction he is looking for).

Your mum should just ignore. I have no advice but so sorry you are having to put up with this behaviour.

@Herland he's ebf and feeds sporadically so I would need to be there which is not possible after how he's treated me and how scared I am of him. He's done a few things to indicate that he's not able to look after him on his own and stated verbatim 'I couldn't look after him like you do, I would get too angry'

He has anger management issues and has never spent more than half an hour on his own with his son. When I left him for a very short time he got angry and threatened to give him formula. Things like this

This demonstrates how much he cares about his son. Yet he claims he's done nothing wrong.

Never been this upset beforehttp://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3556889-never-been-this-upset-before

I remember your previous thread.

He is pure evil.

Please tell your mum to ignore

Stay strong you're doing what's right for you and your DS.
I'd ask your mum to block him to

He’s trying his poison on your dm. Hoping she’d side with him.

He's mad if he thinks that's going to work. My mum is the most supportive, loving mum I could possibly ask for.

Any response from your mum will give him what he wants, a reaction, she should absolutely ignore. It's good that you're going for a non-mol, push forward with that and document (or report where appropriate, police, SS, GP, whatever you can do to have his actions officially recorded) everything he does from now on, the more evidence you have of his abuse/instability the better protected you and DS will be later down the line. Lots of people don't do this and really regret it, it could be the difference between him having your DS unsupervised in the future and not. I think you're amazing the way you're fighting to keep DS (and yourself of course) safe, I hope you have support in real life but if not you certainly have it here

Is your ex military? On your previous thread you mentioned he was “on leave”. I’d be contacting his CO. They’d take a very dim view of these kind of antics from a serving member of the armed forces.

No he's not military

He is using your son as a pawn for manipulation because he has lost every other tool!

As you know his words and actions very rarely match the truth so why would his words about his love for his son be any different.

He is spiralling his behaviour because nothing yet has worked, don't give him an inch, it doesn't matter if he contacts every person you've ever met to pass on messages. do not give him an inch

I feel like he's ruining my life at the moment!

He’s not ruining your life because you won’t let him. Again, you need to tell the clinic that he cannot change appointments and ask for a cancellation. Your mum needs to block him. Get your non-mol order and tell him he can see your ds at a contact centre only.

My mum has just ignored him. She thinks he's unbelievable.

I remember your last post. If he's military you need to get on to them too. There was a case recently about a soldier you killed his girlfriend and one of the failings in the inquest, from what I can remember, was that the normal police hadn't informed the military police. The military do try to sort out their own. Tell absolutely any body of authority that will listen what's going on. Tell your mum to block him. And you, put those feelings of guilt in the bin because he's still manipulating you.

I am glad your Mum is ignoring the wanker. Has she blocked his phone number and email address (whatever means he was using to pester her).

Can the non-molestation order also forbid him from contacting your Mum or other members of your family? Would that help thwart his attempts to harass and intimidate you?

I don't believe that he doesn't know what he's done wrong. I saw your first thread. He is a vile, selfish, disgusting excuse for a father and I fail to see how anybody wouldn't recognise his behaviour for what it is. Even if he's really thick he will still know deep down that he's behaved very badly.

I think your mum should ignore him for now, but if she gets more messages I would suggest reporting them to the police to add to this case and then responding with a simple "I have reported these messages to the police as this is harassment. Please don't contact me again".

Keep reporting things to the police. Even if you think it's a small thing it all helps them build up a picture and will help you to protect you and your DC in the future.

So sorry that you're going through all this OP. Sounds bloody awful.

Thanks everyone. Feeling very anxious.