Kids breaking things - discipline

[cheesenpickles]

So, our 3 year old dd has broken the plug in our fitted bathroom. It's one of those horrible pushy in ones that she has pulled out. Dh has now tried to push it back in and it's dropped and got stuck. He's currently removing the trap and trying to jimmy it out.

It's part of a whole fitted unit (which I was dead against ) and he, in his usual fashion, is saying the whole bathroom is broken and will need to be totally ripped out (same thing happened when our fitted fridge door sheered off, but I'm not complaining as we got a whole new kitchen).

He's pretty angry, things are right at the moment and he thinks we should take dd's Easter choc swag etc.

Personally, it was an accident, she is 3 years old and told us immediately. She's very upset and she obviously didn't understand it's a different type of plug to what she is used to at nursery.

This is after the toddler ripped out an air vent in our living room and where the plaster had blown anyway has left a great big hole in our wall. The plasterers were due to come in anyway and it can be fixed but dh is ranting and raving about the kids destroying the house.

Should there be consequences? She is usually a very very well behaved girl (we joke she gave us an unrealistic view of having kids because she is never naughty/if she had a tantrum she always says she's "going to take herself away to calm down" unprompted.

What a cock

You can raise lovely kids witbout constant discipline and consequences

Which of you originally taught her how to use the sink in the bathroom so that she knew how it worked before letting her in there on her own?

That's my gut reaction @Vulpine. As I mentioned it's from speaking to other parents we've heard thing about naughty steps etc.

Personally I was smacked as a child (very rarely) and I wouldn't even dream of that. It was usually for minor infractions that happened on a day my dad was being bolshy (there's a whole other thread).

DH is a genuinely an excellent caring dad but when something goes wrong he just goes a bit ott with his thought process.

@sackrifice we've explained to her that she doesn't need to use the plug but she e have shown her how it works. It can be a bit stiff and I think she thought pulling it out may be the right thing to do.

@sackrifice I think it was me.

Name change fail

I’ve read you op three times and based on the plug I think it reads like dd removed it but your dh broke it “fixing” it. So no chocolate for him.

Glad all is now calm.
Your DD is little and it was an accident, however it is worth talking to each other about how you will deal with stuff as she gets older.
Mine are now teens.
I never told them off or punished them if they made a mistake/ broke something/ did something wrong so long as they admitted to it and were willing to talk about it, and discuss what they would/ wouldn't do the next time.
I now have kids that are very open with us and don't hide stuff.
As they get older being able to talk to them and be open is incredibly important.

That's what I said to him! I said we didn't need the plug in there anyway. It's the kids bathroom so they currently don't need to be filling the sink up. Just tuck it away and she can still wash her hands.

@booellesmum definitely agree with you. We are on the same page with a lot of things and he has always let me take the lead as I am the one who spends the most time with them.

Personally, I had a terrible relationship with my parents in terms of honesty. I was always terrified of getting "into trouble" and hid things I should have told my parents. Then when they found it was 20x worse.

I've said to dh when they get to teens I'm going to be honest and open with them about things (where required) and speak to them about things like sex, drugs etc so that if they get stuck or in a situation they will talk to us so we can solve it. Dh has had a very different life and upbringing from me though his dad is fantastic and I've been very surprised they weren't more open as he grew up.

Tbh I think he's a little naive about teenagers and, in particular, girls. He'll soon learn.

Please don’t be angry with your DD.
Shit happens.

I know it’s frustrating. I get frustrated when mine break things but only worry if it’s caused by things that are dangerous or I have told them not to do. Eg climb up onto the kitchen table and knock glasses off (Looking at you DD!). In which case I deal with the climbing on the table part, any breakages themselves aren’t particularly relevant.

Is your DH stressed about money? It can make people react a bit irrationally.

Sorry - thread had moved on by the time I posted!

@newmumwithquestions you're totally right and I do think the financial element is a big factor in it. He works really hard. Lots of overtime and time away from us as a family to get things "just so" and even if when we're on an equivalent wage he will always see it as his responsibility to provide, which comes with its own set of hang ups. We've got a lot of work that we want to do with the house so when something like this happens that will potentially involve a cost, in his mind it's taking us further from the "end goal". It's caused some upset in the past when he's always chasing something (including trying to get me to to take a 3 day old baby to talk about remortgaging!!! That was shut down very promptly). He had got better and is living for the now a bit more but when something breaks or goes wrong it tends to be his default setting to think the sky is falling.

My dad was like this. By the time I was at primary school I dreaded him coming in from work as for me it changed the whole atmosphere in the house. I felt like I was walking on eggshells. Think seriously about the impact this type of adult behaviour has on children. As for the idea of taking away her Easter chocolate, that is cruel, it was an accident. DO NOT let him and I really hope your daughter hasn't heard this threat. Is this the only area of unreasonable behaviour from your 'D'H?

Don't worry. He didn't say it in front of her and I quickly shot him down.

All sounds like a lot of nothing to me. Your husband didn't shout at her, didn't take her chocolate, wasn't horrible to her, just had a moan in private to you and then got a grip of himself, it all calmed down quickly your DD isn't traumatised...

I fail to see any issue here whatsoever.

This doesn't directly you AIBU, which YADNBU. Our DD broke our plug last night by stamping in it, she is only 18months old, these things happen. We managed to lever it out by using a suction plunger, could you try this?

I was also against the up down plug for this reason. My he who knows best fitted the bathroom. She who knows best was of course right in the long run.

Your toddler pulled a vent out the wall? Did you give birth to The Hulk

I think you handled the situation very well. It's a good attribute to be able to admit when you've made a mistake - I know plenty of adults who struggle with this. It's great you're teaching your daughter the importance of being honest imo.

@sweeneytoddsrazor honestly, she is bonkers. She ripped the fire guard out of the wall with one tug once as well 

Thanks @Stefoscope. She really is a very good girl and she was so sorry. I swear she is more mature than my dh and I combined sometimes.

How old is The toddler?

Definitely not, you really cannot punishment a child for a mistake, especially such a little child. Your husband sounds like he needs to relax.