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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel a bit sorry for myself

31 replies

SPR1107 · 21/04/2019 05:45

Difficult pregnancy to say the least.

Told on a Thursday I was to be induced the Monday. Have a 2 year old so was panicking as this would be the longest we'd been away from each other.

Monday pessary in, Tuesday AM, ready to go to labour ward but there was no space. Had to wait 36 hours before I could go down. Smooth labour, 2nd degree tears. General after birth aches and pains.

Back on to the ward and that night baby is violently sick and has 17 poos, didn't even get to lay down, let alone sleep. Paediatrician sent to see him and hes admitted to special care. As this is for the babies and not you, spent the next two days and two nights on a meeting room style chair, as couldn't face leaving him. Finally on third night, they gave me a room with a pull out bed where me and baby could sleep.

Sent home the next day (baby diagnosed with allergy), finally get reunited with my 2 year old, next day, baby has blood in his mouth, back we go for another day (day 7) in hospital.

DH has two days left of paternity as all now been spent in hospital. But they're spent inundated with visitors. Next morning, open my eyes to find a 2 year old standing next to me, covered in bloody chicken pox!

DH has to return to work, 2 year old can't go nursery because of pox. Day one of being alone with newborn, and what I expected to be my first day of 'taking it easy' since giving birth and I now have to juggle a poorly toddler, who is struggling with the fact there's suddenly a new baby, and that he had been away from us for an entire week, plus a newborn, plus all the after pregnancy aches and pains. Yey.

Husband has to work good Friday and Saturday because it fell on his weekend, so not only first week back has been stressful, DH has had to do a 6 day week.

My mum (who is usually very reasonable), starts getting on my case about it being out of order that I haven't gone out shopping and sorted Easter eggs for all my nieces and nephews this week whilst I've been home!!!

Had a meltdown today because I feel like from the second baby was born, I have had no time to let my body heal, bond with baby, or spend one on one time with toddler.

Every single day has been non stop since the second I gave birth, and I feel like everyone around me has forgotten that I actually endured labour. Nobody has asked me how I'm feeling, and seem to forget that we've had zero time as a family to adjust to our new set up.

I knew a meltdown was brewing, and with the week in hospital and then a newborn, both DH and I are lacking on sleep, so night before last, I slept downstairs with baby, so DH could get a full nights sleep, in exchange that I would get the same last night. But here I am at 05.39, feeding baby, and have been since 4am, whilst DH has gone up to bed, because he apparently couldn't get him to settle.

Sorry to be long, sorry to be ranty, I know there's far worse things that can happen in life, but I just feel sorry for myself that we lost so much time as a family with DHs paternity, that I've lost the time to lay in bed bonding with my newborn and that my poor toddler has had to adjust to being 'abandoned' for a week, a new baby, and chicken pox all at once.

OP posts:
RB68 · 21/04/2019 09:19

I had a shit time around the same time. I only have one child but we ended up miles from home as she came early, think live one side of midlands/cotswold border, delivered in black country and hubby was shift working in Sheffield. I had surgery during preg. and then c section followed 10 days later by gallbladder removal all the time dd was in scbu. I couldn't breast feed as no latch and was expressing taking 90minutes, feeding taking 90 minutes and she was wanting food around every 3 to 4 hrs. Sleep didn't feature for 8 weeks when I stopped expressing. So I didn't have a toddler but it was pretty hellish and I was in no mind to make decisions. My only advice is focus on what is important - forget the Eastergate - home in on immediate family, do an online shop to come when it can, use the TV for little one - make them a sofa nest and another for you and baby!! Use a moses basket and just live in the one room. Keep hubby practicing with baby - he will eventually get the hang of it and it will be an issue later if he doesn't so keep him going with it. Good Luck.

RB68 · 21/04/2019 09:20

ps please keep an eye on newborn with chickie pox - mention to your health visitor

SPR1107 · 24/04/2019 00:32

Thank you everyone for you lovely messages and helpful suggestions.

Our rocky road hasn't ended just yet.. baby has been admitted to hospital with the dreaded chicken pox.

I keep joking that I'm one more issue away from having a Britney Spears style meltdown! Here's to hoping once we're clear of this, things will start looking up!

OP posts:
Preggosaurus9 · 24/04/2019 00:43

Oh no OP how stressful. Hand hold. You're amazing to have made it this far!

rainbowstardrops · 24/04/2019 06:47

Oh no! You really are having a rough trot right now!
Fingers crossed that baby will get better soon and all will calm down Thanks

ScrumpyBetty · 24/04/2019 10:29

Congratulations on your new baby and sorry you have had such a tough start, it sounds horrendous.
Have you a friend you can talk to/ cry to? It might help to speak to someone in real life.
Things will get better.

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