AIBU with mother in law

[Vikki1993]

Mil seems to have no interest in mine and my DHs DD/D'S anymore. My little girls not been well since September constantly in and out of hospital undergoing lots of tests and it just seems that my family are the only ones giving the support with my mum coming to nearly all appointments and visiting when shes admitted and looking after DS when we have to go unexpectedly to hospital.I'm trying to keep her in the loop with what's going on but if I don't call we'd go weeks without talking and then she'd strop as we didn't tell her. She knows when the appointments are yet im the one doing the chasing to keep her in the loop. She told my DD that she'd visit on her birthday but didn't turn up which completely ruined the day with my daughter waiting for her but she didn't show up not even a call till two days later in which she said she was looking after SIL DD as she missed her as she hadn't seen her for a week and completely forgot DSs birthday till we rang the next day. We've spoken to her about the whole situation that she made DD sad ect and asked her to not say anything to the kids next time just in case she doesn't show up again. It just seems were putting all the effort in and us telling her about how we feel hasn't sunk in. I just don't know what to do anymore I feel so sad for the kids but I can't keep trying to get her involved in there lives. With all the stress of DD health and this it's putting a lot of strain on our relationship due to arguing ect.

Don’t call her, let her call you. We did this with DH’s mum when DSD was about 7, still waiting for a call after 11 years!!! Better than putting your child through disappointments

Stop chasing her. Get on with your life, you have enough to worry about - if she is not interested, your girls will forget her and will stop feeling let down or rejected.

Don't call her.

My DP and I have done this with his DM, we had to make the effort all the time and she used to kick off if she didn't hear from us enough. She had a phone, I'm not sure why she couldn't call us once in a while.

For me, what she did to your DD was out of order. Your poor child was waiting for her and she didn't care. That would have been enough for me to take a step back.

She can come to you and ask if your DC are okay.

Stop trying to wrangle her. If she's not interested, that's her loss.

Another one saying don't call MIL. If she was really interested she'd show you and your children very clearly and help, not add any more stress. At the moment she's just trying to control you.

so sister in law is the golden child and your husband is the scapegoat child?
he and his will never get her attention as sister in law will ALWAYS be number one and her children will ALWAYS come first.... so stop calling her and stop accommodating her when she demands your time or help, your children are already starting to notice and will soon understand that they are the second class grand children, so let the distance grow now and their bond with their grand mother will naturally weaken over time and then their hearts wont be as broken when they do work out their second place status in her life... sad yes, but the amount of disappointment and heart break can be limited
my husband is his families scape goat child, the only contact he/we have with her is seeing her posts on facebook about his sister (former brother) and sister or their children, she has once said our son is "cute" and thats it, ive never met her, and we have been together for over 12 years.... our son has no feelings about her as shes never shown him any notice, so no hurt there

If dh wants to keep his mother in the loop, let him. But you step away from it all. Don't let dh tell the kids anything to get their hopes up, then if it happens it'll be a nice surprise and if it doesn't, they won't know any difference and so won't be disappointed.

Agree stop ringing her. What’s going on with her OP? Is she just rubbish or is there a reason behind this? Illness, depression, anxiety or whatever?