to find breaking up with someone impossible?

[piffar]

I broke up with exDP because he is an alcoholic.

he has a difficult relationship with his family, and has lost many friends to alcoholism. I broke up with him recently because, among other things, he would go missing for 12 hours overnight hanging out with shady characters taking drugs/drinking etc., and then expect me to "be nice" (his words) when I was annoyed/upset/worried about him. He has had to lend money off me in the past to buy drink (despite a healthy wage), which he has paid back, but which has caused arguments.

He is massively in denial of his problem, and speaks about grandoise plans for the future which will never happen, e.g. promotions, moves abroad, holidays etc.

And whilst no one is "compatible" with an alcoholic, I am particularly sensitive to drinking as I grew up in an alcoholic home - I always vowed my children would never have parents like that.

So I dumped him - quite clearly.

But he hasn't seemed to change his behaviour at all - he still texts me all the time asking how I am, when we are seeing each other etc.,

• and I know I should block - but I am genuinely worried about his safety and his health as the amount he drinks is staggering, and I am worried that if I cut him off completely he will do something to hurt himself (he has expressed these thoughts when we were together) - and, really, I do care about him - he hasn't done anything wrong - i know addiction is a disease.

• but it's also ridiculous requests like meeting him in the pub, or having a drink with him at his house - he texts all day even when i say no asking me to come and see him, that he misses me.

I have clearly given him options of: drink alone or see me - and he chooses the first.

Most nights he calls me around 10pm (pissed probably) but I never answer.

This is usually followed by a text like: do you want to go for some lunch tomorrow// shall we go for a shopping trip // do you think it would be nice to watch a film tomorrow.

I'm at my wit's end - I'm exhausted, I don't want to be with him, but I care about him so much- I know he's lonely, but I also know he won't stop drinking - it will always come first - I am worried that when I stop talking to him he will literally have no one but his shady friends and he will get worse

I am so upset and feel like an idiot

Wow - this is tough.

Really, you know that you should block him. But if you really feel that you can't, you don't have many options. Maybe limit your responses to one text a day, then one very couple of days, and taper off?

You shouldn't feel like an idiot. You care about him and he is manipulating you by saying he might do something to harm himself. But you can't let yourself be bullied into keeping in contact, it isn't fair to you.

Al-anon was invented for you.

And interesting that your upbringing is giving you some blurred lines around what’s acceptable in relation to alcohol. They say the child of a drinker becomes one of marries one.

Staying touch is enabling him. It’s co- dependency.

Clean break. Stay away. He needs to hit his rock bottom and figure it out.

You aren't responsible for him. Which is what it comes down to. You've given him a choice: stop drinking and be with you or carry on and be alone. He's made his decision so you now need to leave him be so he realises the true consequences of his choice.