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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unable to shake the feel of no support

17 replies

Emily1091 · 20/04/2019 22:50

I’m about 8 weeks pregnant and I just feel like I have no support from my other half. We have had a testing time in our relationship he has lost 2 jobs and I found out I was pregnant just before he lost the second job which was his fault not showing into work.
I have not seen him for about a week and half (we live apart) and it’s just been constant aggravation from both sides and I’m more upset because he’s swanning off with his mates and kids taking them down to the pub for family fun days whilst I get shunned and left at home on my own and it’s the same thing happening this weekend. I don’t see why I cannot be invited to go along too and I don’t want to have to ask him to ask me because I already feel like he makes zero effort to include and involve me in family/friend gatherings! I feel like he’s just keeping me at arms length and ‘why would I want to go to the pub anyway when I can’t drink’ ????? I just don’t understand the thought process that he goes through. I understand he is also allowed a life whilst I’m bearing his child but I also need support and shouldn’t that be a priority as I feel alone helpless and starting to wonder if it will ever get any better than this and if I’ll be able to cope raising a child on my own. I have tried to speak to him but his answer each time is ‘go see a doctor or speak to your family’ I just don’t understand am I being irrational or what?!
I’m really upset with it all being left to my own devices for nearly 2 weeks without so much as him calling in to say hello how is the baby. I had my first midwife appointment on Thursday and he said he wants to tell his 6 year old son (which is fine by me no problem whatsoever) but wanted to bring him along for the experience - I’ve said no because this is about me and him and our baby not the fact that his son is gaining a sibling but again I’m being nasty there - am I?

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 20/04/2019 22:59

He's a gigantic loser and you're better off without him in your life! Think long and hard about your unborn child and whether you want to have him in your life forever. He doesn't treat you or your child as a priority NOW do you honestly think he's going to massively improve anytime soon?

Fiveredbricks · 20/04/2019 23:04

You're 8 weeks pregnant. What support do you currently need? Serious question.

But I agree with the pp^ he's a wanker. Get rid. He'll be on to babymom #3 soon I reckon.

Original poster
Emily1091 · 20/04/2019 23:13

Thr support I need from him is for him to reassure me that I will be able to cope it’s my first child and I am scared especially with him not being able to do the basics and hold a job down. I’m worried I’ll have to pay for everything myself on top of his phone bill and tv payments he’s kindly lumbered me with. Just for him to show me that he cares and he will be there for me and the baby and if not for me then just for the baby. I asked him if he wants to be in it’s lofe he said he will have to sit down and talk about it with me. Which means he wants to dictate the days and times and how much maintenance he will not be paying. The more I am writing this the more it’s dawning on me what the hell am I doing

OP posts:
leonasa · 20/04/2019 23:28

He sounds like an idiot OP, but also to a certain degree like he doesn't consider you as actually together if he's not sure he wants to be in the baby's life. I mean it's not possible for you to have a relationship and not be, right? He also sounds like he is using you for what he can get without giving you any support or commitment. You deserve better.

@Fiveredbricks seriously?? (From an exhausted, sick, worried about everything also 8 weeks pregnant woman).

newmun · 21/04/2019 00:50

Why would you have a child with this man???

AssassinatedBeauty · 21/04/2019 00:54

Why are you paying his phone and tv bills? I would stop that ASAP. And prepare to be a single mother, as he isn't doing anything at all to show he cares for you.

Original poster
Emily1091 · 21/04/2019 11:08

Well I’m not going to have a termination just because he’s a poor excuse of a human. It happened by accident.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emily1091 · 21/04/2019 11:08

Sorry meant to attach this to the comment above

OP posts:
SinjunRivers · 21/04/2019 11:10

Dump him.

coffeeandpyjamas · 21/04/2019 11:13

Leave this absolute waste of space. The fact he’s got your paying for his phone when he can’t even keep a job says it all, he sees you as nothing but a bank and just expects you to support him when he literally puts in no effort to check you’re okay. Run far away and do not look back, otherwise it will only get worse and worse as the pregnancy goes on and the baby is born.

blackcat86 · 21/04/2019 11:58

It wont get better once you have the baby, it will get worse. Prepare to be a single parent either way. If you're together he'll probably be more of a burden than a help. DH and both families were crap at the start of my pregnancy when I felt utterly exhausted and had awful sickness. I hoped it would change as my pregnancy progressed, it didn't. I hoped it would change after I had a c section and when DD was a desperately poorly special care newborn, it didn't. I hoped it would change once we were home, it didnt. I seriously considered leaving but we have instead started relationship counselling. However, DH has acknowledged how bad it was, we're married and he's committed to therapy for himself and couples counselling. Even with that I've still got awful PND of which a lack of support is a huge risk factor. Having people let you down is far worse than not having the support at all

PotolBabu · 21/04/2019 12:08

He can’t hold down a job, drinks with his mates instead of spending time with you, you are not part of his friend or family circle and you guys don’t live together and you pay his bills. Do I have that right? Forget about why you are pregnant with him since that’s too late why are you in a relationship with this man??? And why are you hoping he’d change when he’s always made it clear who he is.

Cherrysoup · 21/04/2019 12:10

Get rid of him. He’s not enhancing your life in any way.

NoBaggyPants · 21/04/2019 12:15

Didn't you post about tracking your cycle? Was this as a method of contraception, or to optimise your chances of getting pregnant?

You need to accept that you're doing this pregnancy on your own, and that your "other half" (are you even together?) will not be playing an active role. Stop paying his bills and get on with building a life for you and baby.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 21/04/2019 12:15

I asked him if he wants to be in it’s lofe he said he will have to sit down and talk about it with me.

If his behaviour wasn't saying enough, that did. You won't get any support from him, neither will baby. Decide what to do based on that. Can you afford to do this by yourself? Do you want to?

formerbabe · 21/04/2019 12:17

I think you need to prepare for the fact that you are going to be a single mum Flowers

Lovestruk · 21/04/2019 12:25

Hi Emily I'm sorry your going through all this I'm with someone similar but not for much longer, I respect myself too much to allow this any longer and your should too, I believe I'm partly to blame as I've allowed it for so long. I was blind by "love".

Your guy actually sounds worse than mine but not by much and sometimes I think if he had therapy he would ba a Great person.

Your guy sounds like a absolute prick telling you to go see a doctor this is classic narcissistic behaviour and I feel he will suck the life out of you and you will blame yourself as he will twist your mind to think that way.

Stop paying for his crap and look after yourself and concentrate on you and the baby because unfortunately it sounds like your all it has. Good luck Emily you deserve so much better you just haven't realised it yet xxx

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