No contact

[saraclara]

It's odd. In real life I don't know anyone who institutes an NC policy with their family or their in-laws. Yet it seems rife on MN.

With some exceptions (and yes, I know a few people will respond on here with heartbreaking and entirely understandable reasons), there often seems to be not a lot behind it. The impression I get from some posters is that it's more about control and punishment.

Is it my real life that's odd, or MN? Is anyone else nonplussed by its ubiquity on here?

Me and my sib are low contact with our parents. Whilst I wouldn’t call it abusive, our childhood was very neglectful, long periods of being pretty much ignored while they got on with their lives. We’re all nc with one of dm’s sibs due to shitty behaviour, addiction etc. There is a child involved, never met him.

My mil was nc with her family because she divorced her abusive husband, just not done in her day and they didn’t like it. Apparently she should have carried on trying to provide for her dc with no money and her ‘d’h off shagging others very obviously.

sara so you do, but you’re able to manage care commitments etc from a distance. The question is, if this person was physically and mentally encroaching on your life and upsetting your happy family - would you still not go NC?

My brother does live very close by. I think he'd love not to have to deal with her, but again, we're fortunate that a) she doesn't care enough to want us around much b) she isn't in a position to pester him or make demands any more and c) we only have to oversee her care, not actually carry it out.
Basically we are both as low contact as we can manage.

If she'd ever been abusive to my kids, all gloves would have been off, obviously. But she 'just' isn't interested in them.

I have with 'D'M since 16ish, but I've been miles better off without her. Very close with DF though

The things that people on here go NC are utterly ridiculous. I don’t know anyone in real life like this, thankfully.

I'm no contact with my family. Nothing to do with control or power. Everything to do with self preservation, and protecting myself and my DC from manipulation and abuse and general unnecessary unpleasantness.

I don't generally tell people generally, because it's not something that I need to tell people. Close friends know, but other friends and general acquaintances wouldn't, because I don't feel the need to tell people that I had an abusive, unhappy childhood, and that my parents and brother continued to act in an abusive, unpleasant and generally chaotic way as I became an adult so I moved away, didn't tell them where to and didn't ever contact them again. I would imagine that lots of people don't advertise very personal situations like that. People can be really judgemental and ignorant.

I think it is very common. My cousin is NC with both her parents (parents not together so two separate NC situations)
My husbands aunt has been NC with her whole family for over 20 years
Only one of the three situations were particularly toxic other two were fairly standard arguments, irritations that festered etc.

The things that people on here go NC are utterly ridiculous.

Like what? Serious question

'I don't know any one that has deliberately gone NC, which is all about control and manipulation'

I would agree that it can be about taking back control. I'm not sure that it is always involving manipulation.