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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give my toddler a load of chocolate just to make somebody else happy..

55 replies

Februaryblooms · 20/04/2019 12:21

I have a 15 month old little boy, an older distant relative has kindly sent him an Easter box with a variety of different chocolate treats in such as eggs, some buttons, a chocolate bunny etc. There's quite alot of it for a child his age.

The annoying part is that they want me to video call them when he has it, so they keep messaging me asking when I'm going to give it to him. She's excited to see him get all excited about it (to be fair he's not that interested in chocolate, it's likely to upset his stomach and he couldn't care less about sweets anyway so it'll be a bit of an anti climax on her end)

I don't really want to give him a shit load of chocolate and make a big show of it just to make somebody else happy and keep putting it off saying we're busy etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Dieu · 20/04/2019 13:03

And I say that as someone who never really takes videos as I always forget to.

user1480880826 · 20/04/2019 13:05

It’s a bit weird to buy sweets for a baby. Does your friend have kids?

My daughter is nearly two and she won’t be having an Easter egg. She doesn’t know what chocolate is and there is no reason to change that.

SarahTancredi · 20/04/2019 13:07

Videos?

Whis the present for? Her or the baby?

Buying gifts if course is thoughtful and kind. However if there are conditions like this attached then seems it's more important for them to feel good about themselves than for the baby or toddler to play with and enjoy in their own time.

BunnyBob · 20/04/2019 13:09

OFGS- just do the call, let her watch him open the box and eat a few chocolate buttons and then put it the cupboard and eat it yourself like most people do when their toddlers get given easter gifts! I used to melt down Easter eggs and use them when baking to decorate a cake or make crispy buns with.

mondaylisasmile · 20/04/2019 13:13

expecting him to gorge himself on it and video it is a bit... weird.

just tell her he's not a performing monkey but will eat bits and pieces of it when he fancies sum, thank her, and send her a pic of him opening it.

if you do any more than this (i.e. respond to these types of oddball requests) you're encouraging her to think her expectations are normal, and you're just going to have the same battle at the next birthday, christmas etc present. don't pander to it or you'll regret it in the long term.

JocelynBell1 · 20/04/2019 13:27

When she said she wanted to see him opening it and getting all excited I did immediately say I'd send a photo, no bother, but then she asked for a video instead.

Send her a photo. Her request for a video is overstepping the mark.

Acis · 20/04/2019 13:28

Tell her you give these things on Easter day, not before, and that she shouldn't get her hopes up as chocolate doesn't mean much to him.

AnnaMagnani · 20/04/2019 13:42

Film it, cross your fingers that he wanders off and looks bored.

When he does and your relative is disappointed with the video, remind her of the train video and that he is a young child not a performing seal, you did warn her that he isn't really into chocolate and you can't predict his reactions and maybe videos aren't a good idea?

Ceebs85 · 20/04/2019 13:48

People are ridiculous aren't they?! I'd just send a video of his natural reaction to opening the box. It's what she's asked for! You can't make him be excited

Original poster
Februaryblooms · 20/04/2019 13:54

She has an adult daughter who's almost 30 so it's been a long time since she had a toddler, maybe her daughter used to get excited easily I'm not sure.

DS doesn't get excited about material things, only his favourite songs or games we play for example.

Her disappointment was clear when we didn't react to the Christmas present how she expected him to, which is primarily why I was dreading sending a video this time with the chocolate.

His indifference to the present made me feel bad for her, silly I know. I'd rather not have been expected to provide videos but felt obliged because obviously it's a kind thing to do to have sent him anything in the first place.

OP posts:
Original poster
Februaryblooms · 20/04/2019 13:55

When he didn't react to the Christmas present, that was supposed to say.

OP posts:
SarahTancredi · 20/04/2019 14:03

Xmas birthdays and Easter are all over rated tbh

By the time it all comes about the kids are all unsettled from the breaks in the routine.

They are confused tired and overwhelmed.

No one should take it as a personal attack on their present choices

If they popped by fir a coffee a couple of weeks later they would see the kid happily playing with it or wearing it etc

Butterymuffin · 20/04/2019 14:04

if you can get a photo that looks ok, say if he smiles while looking at or holding some chocolate, then send that instead and say you took a video as well but have deleted it by mistake. And send any excess chocolate to your local food bank if there's loads.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 20/04/2019 14:12

OP, I get the feeling you're avoiding doing the video thing because you know there's a pretty good chance she will be disappointed again and that you will feel bad for being the bearer of bad news (so to speak).

That's a kind and understandable reaction from you, but unfortunately the only way to make her see she's being a bit unrealistic (though kind) is to be bright and breezy about it yourself; send the video with a cheerful "Here you go - he seemed a little distracted, guess that's par for the course for toddlers! Thank you again for the gift, it was very kind" or similar. Hopefully she'll work out that her expectations are off and revise them accordingly :)

Thecoffee · 20/04/2019 14:32

Re the Christmas present, I sometimes send a photo later in the year with a "still loving your present" kind of comment. Older rellies tend to like that.

Original poster
Februaryblooms · 20/04/2019 14:52

@ContessaIsOnADietDammit you've hit the nail on the head, that's exactly why I've stalled in sending a video, because I know she's going to be disappointed in his lack of interest and I'll feel a bit guilty.

It's never been about me not being grateful for the effort she puts in to sending him a gift. I think it's wonderful that she does, i'd just prefer not to have the expectation of setting up a big hooray on video tacked on.

She's messaged me a few times saying things like "can't wait to see his little face light up when he sees it" and "so looking forward to seeing him get excited" and he really isn't going to Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
Februaryblooms · 20/04/2019 14:54

I appreciate all the input and suggestions so thanks all for your contributions

It's a bit of a non event really isn't it. I don't know why I've worked myself up into a sense of dread about it. I don't like the idea of her feeling let down by his response but then I guess I'm not responsible for that really.

OP posts:
BunnyBob · 20/04/2019 15:04

OP- actually, you sound miserable TBH. DS must be taking his cues from you! No, babies that age don't get excited by something plonked in front of them, but if you were to be enthusiastic when you present him with the gift he would follow your lead. My dd was excited by presents and bright coloured objects from a much younger age than your DS is because that's how you present a present to a baby saying' "oh DS what's this? Is this for you? Wow. Shall we open it?" etc. And she'll see him taste a tiny bit of chocolate- I've never seen a baby fail to show pleasure at chocolate!

SarahTancredi · 20/04/2019 15:06

Really bunny

Dd2 would just try and chew the paper then crawl off

ImNotHappyaboutitPauline · 20/04/2019 15:15

It's really not worth getting so stressed over her possible disappointment and to be fair, you may be over analyzing the Xmas reaction. I know my mum sometimes said "Oh I'm not sure s/he likes it" about various gifts when the dc were tiny but really she was just looking for reassurance that she'd not chosen something inappropriate. Easily dealt with by admiring the gift and doing the 'bright and breezy' thing as Contessa suggested.

No one could expect a baby that age to eat such a huge amount of chocolate (I would hope!) so a 20 second video with you making "Oh wow, what's this DS" noises while he bashes at it should make her happy.

It's nice that she thinks enough of you and DS to want to send gifts on special occasions and I actually don't think it's odd that she'd look forward to seeing him receive the item, lots of people do especially if they live a distance away and don't get to see the dc in person very often. DB and SIL will likely send us one of their lot on Sunday and while I'm not arsed myself Grin my mother will be delighted! It just sounds like the relative would love to have a little gc of her own and thinks very fondly of DS.

Original poster
Februaryblooms · 20/04/2019 15:17

@BunnyBob I am quite miserable to be fair! I'm due next week, overheating, on crutches for spd and have terrible acid reflux Grin

I digress, that's by the by.

My DS has developmental delays and sensory issues. He has been referred to a paediatrician for suspected ASD as per the health visitors observations and concerns. He doesn't get remotely excited about those things you've mentioned, he barely bats an eye at things that most other toddlers his age would be enchanted by.

Yes my relative knows all of this.

OP posts:
HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 20/04/2019 15:20

I've never seen a baby fail to show pleasure at chocolate!

You are joking I hope? Of course some children don't show pleasure at chocolate. He is just 15 months old, about a million things are more exciting to him that a box of chocolate no matter how enthused the OP is about the gift.

I would send photographs a film of him opening it is just likely to disappoint her again. She really needs to lower her expectations, yes it is nice to see your gift appreciated but it should not be a condition of the gift.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 20/04/2019 15:29

Flowers that sounds tough op, and I imagine it makes her evident surprise at his lack of expected reaction that much harder to deal with. If it helps, toddlers (well my toddlers anyway) have a positive talent for showing a complete lack of interest when you really want them to, and also vice versa. Mine had perfected the supercilious "Oh I suppose some people might have found that interesting" face by about 2yo. Little arseholes Grin

Go with bright/breezy, and don't let it play on your nerves.

Original poster
Februaryblooms · 20/04/2019 15:32

It's really not about me being ungrateful or not appreciating the gesture, I love that she bothers with him as many don't.

For me it's all about the fact I know she's expecting him to be so excited and overjoyed and the reality is I know he's not going to be remotely interested. He'll examine the box and then walk off.

That coupled with the fact I've already seen her disappointment when he hasn't reacted with joy at a previous gift, makes me reluctant to want to repeat the whole video thing.

I feel a sense of responsibility to 'force' him to look thrilled about something he just isn't that interested in, and that's difficult enough as it is.

Getting him to smile for a photograph is nigh on impossible sometimes and he doesn't sit still or pay attention to anything for more than a split second.

I am going to do her a video because I know it'll mean something to her, I'm just not looking forward to her deflated response when it's another flat reaction like Christmas day.

OP posts:
MidnightBlue00 · 20/04/2019 15:33

Open box & video of it,then scoff the choc yourself

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