To not want to go away on a summer holiday this year?

[lolaflores]

...because the week we just had over easter was fucking horrible?
We have a 12 year old dd who seems to actively hate me. She can hardly bear to be in the same room as me.
I try and stay positive and unhurt by her behaviour but a week of it has worn me down. I cried so many times when no one could see me. I went for walks on my own. Tried to find things for us to do but gave up by Wednesday.
I have come dwon with a chest infection and feel rotten. On the way home, we stopped at the services. DH and DD walked ahead, I was struggling. Lost sight of them at he doors and slid to the floor outside Costa. I sat for a moment, gathered msyelf and forged on to the toilets.
They were there and looked annoyed at me for being missing. I didn't say anything, went to the loo, came out and went down for a 2nd time.
I felt so embarrased for embarrasing everyone. For being ill. We got back to the car and got the rest of the way home and into my own bed.
Seen the doc. Got antibiotics. Im staying in bed but I am fucked if i am going anywhere with anyone in the summer.
Forget it.
Over rated. Stressful. Pointless waste of money and energy.
I think Id rather paper the front room.
I feel as if we are trying to get inside the shell of a barnacle that doesns't want to be bothered and shell come out when shes ready in the meantime, we are a pain in the arse.
Fuck it.

God you poor thing

Is she the same with dh? Is he on your side or is he making things worse?

Do you have other kids ?

Get well soon, this too shall pass

Ime spell out how shitty she makes you feel. At 12 she should be aware her behaviour can be hurtful. And let dh deal with her and look after you too!!

PS I'm not a fan of holidays either, we've decided just to do long weekends doing something we know we'll all enjoy, spent loads on cursed child in London and a night there instead a holiday last year

That’s funny. I read your thread title and thought, no I’m not going on holiday either because of 12 year old dd and then saw you have one too!

I can’t take her to the end of the road at the moment and that’s not an exaggeration.

Does your DH not step in when she's behaving like this to you? He doesn't sound like he's got your back. Can't he sometimes think of things for you all to do?

Is any holiday booked for the summer? Or is this something you would usually do but now don't want to?

OP, I had the absolute holiday from hell with DSD when she was about 13. I swore I would never again go on holiday with her - it wasn't just her behaviour, it was the dynamic between me, her, DH and our toddler DD that was just awful and I'm sure we were all to blame. DH was forever caught in the middle and it was shit all round.

We haven't been on holiday since but we are actually very good friends and message daily (she is now 19 and at uni).

DH and her used to go on weekends instead, like a PP to a show and a trip to London instead. It did also coincide with us having no holidays due to money but I absolutely can remember that feeling and I want to give you a hug.

DH is sometimes not aware how her behaviour impacts me. She is completely different with him. I feel very pushed out.
She isn't interested in doing anything with me though we share a common love of art.
There is a few days booked in ireland. Thats about me catching up with friends and there will be loads of kid her age...whether that changes things with her I don't know.
There is talk about a week in the family apartment in Spain...which can go fuck itself too. No. Not doing it.
its like being held hostage.
And as Wildrose said...I can't even go to the bottom of the road with her. The constant tension and FACE OF DOOM is killing me.
I came a cross a little video of her when she was 7 and I jusst sobbed because it reminded me what a precious sweet little thing she was then and I don't know where this monster came from

She will come back, it is just her age. But these feelings are exacerbated in a step family because there is always the niggling 'you aren't my mum, you can't tell me what to do' element there.

I am in bed for the remainder of this weekend. The weather outside is lovely. We could have had the most wonderful time wehre we were but it was hellish.

She isn't a step child Fantasia. Though when I see how she acts, it feels like shes someone elses daughter and she actually likes that mum.

Oh I'm so sorry, I completely missed that. Either way, it appears DC behave like this at that age.

Could you all sit down and discuss the holiday and explain how you are feeling? When you are feeling better, not today.

Sorry you had such an awful time. We have just been away with 2 teens and it wasn't too bad although some of the time my ds chose to stay in the holiday cottage rather than do stuff with us which was fine. I guess 12 is a bit too young to leave though especially in an unfamiliar place. We try hard to balance the holiday with stuff we want to do and stuff they may enjoy but admittedly we never seem to get it quite right and it is stressful. I don't really like all inclusive type holidays abroad but the kids like them as they can eat as much as they like and lots of choice.

Go on holiday on your own! Sod 'em!

Typical preteen child. And its not her fault you are ill. Is she an only child? If so taking a friend with her or going to places where there are kids her age will help immensely.

She is an only child. I suggested bringing a friend but o think her parents weren't keen. And o think a few days on my own trip will be on the list of things to do.
There is so much I want to share with her ut she just isn't interested though we both love the same stuff

O know objectively she is becoming herself and to do that she has to step away but it hurts so so much. O went through it with eldesr who's 26 but I suppose you forget

Why didn't you tell your DH and DD you went missing because you slipped on the floor? I'd be annoyed too if my DH went missing at the Services then when we finally found him he didn't say anything...?!

I did tell them. I explained. They knew I was unwell and when I went down the 2nd time I think they realised how ill I was.