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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

NDNs and noise, are they BU?

28 replies

canveyisland · 20/04/2019 11:00

Mostly get on well with NDNs (couple plus three DC) although they are a different generation and outlook to be fair. I work from home so a long weekend with great weather is a miracle and means I can spend time in my small garden relaxing.

All day yesterday there was loud Radio 1 type music streaming into the garden next door. All day. And today NDNs have put it on again, probably for the whole day since they leave it on while they're out.

I don't get it. Why do some people do it and why are other people living around just not on their radar? These NDS are usually ok in other respects but this noise is upsetting me a lot. I don't have many opportunities to get relaxation and peace in my garden and I'm pretty much close to tears now.

OH feels the same but doesn't have an answer. I can't talk to NDNs about without very likely losing it because I'm so upset, but that would be a mistake because we have to get along due to layout of the houses.

I'm indoors well away from the source of the problem typing this and I can still hear the doof-doof from here. If the machine were to be turned off we could hear birdsong and the breeze in the trees.

OP posts:

CupcakeDrama · 20/04/2019 11:02

I dont think you can stop people playing music in their own gardens during the day!

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 20/04/2019 11:04

If they are going out and leaving music playing they are being very unreasonable.
Music does not need to be loud to be enjoyable

swingofthings · 20/04/2019 11:05

People are rude and self centered and believe they enjoyment is more important than other people's misery.

Sadly there's nothing much you can do about people like this. Still I would raise it with them though because to be fair, they could assume you don't mind.

Original poster

canveyisland · 20/04/2019 11:05

Im trying to understand why they want the noise in the first place. They can listen indoors anytime, use headphones or play it more quietly can't they?

OP posts:

brizzlemint · 20/04/2019 11:05

And today NDNs have put it on again, probably for the whole day since they leave it on while they're out.

They leave it on when they are out? Gosh, wouldn't it be a shame if you were watering your garden and your hose pipe accidentally ended up watering their garden as well.

PotteringAlong · 20/04/2019 11:05

You can’t really complain about noise at 11am on a Saturday. If you want complete quiet you need to live somewhere without neighbours in close proximity.

StarbucksSmarterSister · 20/04/2019 11:08

probably for the whole day since they leave it on while they're out.

They leave it on while they're out? How weird. Just get your OH to ask if they could make sure they turn it off when they're not at home and maybe turn it down a notch when they're in.

They may not realise how loud it is. Of course they could just be thoughtless bastards.

Original poster

canveyisland · 20/04/2019 11:08

Or if they wanted to play loud music they could live 'somewhere without neighbours in close proximity'?

OP posts:

DisplayPurposesOnly · 20/04/2019 11:08

You absolutely can ask them to turn it down.

I have had once or twice asked different neighbours to turn it down music, and they ve been fine about it. (I appreciate sometimes you know they won't be.) I wouldn't bother for short bursts, but if it's prolonged or regular I would (hence only doing it a couple of times). I'm very polite: Hi your music's a bit loud, could you turn it down, thanks.

There is some kind of universal law that people playing loud music never play the music you'd want to hear!

NicoAndTheNiners · 20/04/2019 11:09

I think it's perfectly reasonable to not want people playing music loudly in their gardens all day. It's unsocial. Like you say they could use headphones.

It's all very well people saying you should live somewhere isolated, etc.....have you seen how much more expensive rural, isolated houses are?

Sadly finances dictated I live in a semi. At this time of year I remember why I dislike some of my neighbours. Spoils the enjoyment of my garden as I can't sit out there in the summer. Though I think I might try some noise cancelling headphones this year. Won't be able to hear any birdsong but hopefully it will be peaceful.

Original poster

canveyisland · 20/04/2019 11:09

Slightly drip fed, in that we already have an issue with some of the family behaving selfishly over something else, but didn't mention it because it would be too outing.

OP posts:

Treaclesweet · 20/04/2019 11:10

Im trying to understand why they want the noise in the first place. They can listen indoors anytime, use headphones or play it more quietly can't they?

But presumably they want to listen to it outside, through speakers, at a reasonable volume? Are you sure they have actually gone out and left it playing? Your comment about being unable to speak to them without getting upset makes me think that you're being a bit precious tbh.

Letthemysterybe · 20/04/2019 11:12

I think it would be fair enough if you asked them to turn it off. I live in a very crowded neighbourhood and nobody plays music in their gardens. It would definitely stress me out if I had to listen to other people’s music choices all summer.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 20/04/2019 11:17

I can't talk to NDNs about it without very likely losing it because I'm so upset

YANBU about them leaving loud music on while they go out (that's just unecessary) but this does seem quite a strong reaction. Why would you need to "lose it" rather than just say "would you mind turning the music off if you go out please?" Is there a backstory? Are you assuming they'll kick off?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 20/04/2019 11:17

Go and ask them calmly and politely to turn it down. Ignore previous issues. They aren't going to do it without you asking, so the only thing you can do is ask.

swingofthings · 20/04/2019 11:27

This motion that it is people who don't accept disturbing, ongoing loud noise should be the one moving. It indicates that it's the person who makes noise that is the norm. The fact they could be disturbing not 1 neighbour but the whole neighbouhood is irrelevant, they should all move so THEY get to listen to their music.

Living in society means respecting others around us. It diesnt mean utter silence at all time, it means being reasonable.

Music doesn't have to be played all day in the garden. It can be listened indoors or listen via headphones, or it can be turned down and only played for an hour or so.

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 20/04/2019 11:33

You can’t really complain about noise at 11am on a Saturday

Yes you can.

It's a myth that there is any kind of time limit on nuisance noise.
It doesn't matter if it's 8am, 11am or after midnight. If it's causing you a nuisance, causing mental issues and making you alter your day to day living in your own home, you absolutely can complain about it.

Firstly the environmental section of the council will expect you to approach your neighbours and tell them what's happening.
If they then ignore you and continue with the nuisance, then complain to councils environmental department.
They will contact.your neighbours and ask for their side of the story. If they still refuse to alter their noise levels, the council will install a black box that records noise when you press a button.
This evidence will be used in legal action against the nuisance makers which could end up with court orders to refrain from noise, removal of sound making equipment and even eviction.

(This is the actions taken when I went through it btw)

woolduvet · 20/04/2019 11:37

Supersoaker Aimed at it when they're out...
Then buy some noise cancelling headphones

RosaWaiting · 20/04/2019 11:40

OP I know how you feel

I would certainly tell them to turn it off when they are out, and down when they are in.

but if you feel you might "lose it"....I don't know what you mean, but when I had a particularly troublesome neighbour, I complained politely and got no response. Then I lost it, shouting to the point that other neighbours came to see what the fuss was about (small block of flats, I was yelling in the corridor).

problem solved. turned out they were pissing everyone off.

even had to sit next to them on my commute to work one day (!) and they were fine. It was almost like they needed someone to lose it before the "decency" bit of their brain kicked in.

Cbatothinkofaname · 20/04/2019 11:42

Agree with swingofthings. Why is the default that if you don’t want to have your neighbour’s noise imposed on you, then the onus is on you to make changes to your life, moving away?
It’s a really bizarre assumption.

Part of living in close proximity to others (which is the case for masses of people in the U.K.) is that you have some basic awareness and respect. Whether it’s listening to music, playing an instrument, doing noisy DIY or letting your kids play noisily ... you have a responsibility to not take the piss and do things at an unreasonable time, at an unreasonable volume or for an unreasonable period of time.

There’s still scope for problems because I guess one persons idea of reasonable may not marry with another’s... but frankly putting music on and
Then going out is a total piss take. And I would say having music on outdoors all day is unreasonable too, if it’s at a volume where it’s imposing on other people’s gardens. Nowadays there are so many good quality affordable headphones too, so it’s not even necessary to inflict what you want to listen to on anyone else at all.
Some people are just bloody inconsiderate though and haven’t got a big enough brain to realise that not everyone wants to listen to what they do.
I think you’ll need to speak to your NDN, OP. Keep it calm, reasonable but firm.

RosaWaiting · 20/04/2019 12:12

cba

your post should be issued to every household as a public service announcement.

well, really, we need a change to noise laws. This "go live in the middle of nowhere" argument is batshit. I mean, I'd love to, but there a million reasons it's not possible.

Original poster

canveyisland · 21/04/2019 09:32

By 'losing it' I meant getting upset and appearing precious.

OP posts:

Iheartlondon · 21/04/2019 09:55

Your NDN IBU. I can't stand this, its so selfish. When it's a bit of background noise fine but why does it need to be blaring out. I've also politely said something to neighbours before.

Meowzzz · 21/04/2019 10:11

So they're not remotely aware you don't like them playing music? You haven't even politely asked if they could turn it down so you can sit in the garden? They WBU for not turning it down if you asked but YABVU to expect them to read your mind and know their ndn doesn't like it... It's sociable hours. Just bloody ask, cutting your nose off to spite your face

BottleOfJameson · 21/04/2019 10:30

I would never regularly play music in my garden (fair enough fir a bbq/party occasionally). Do rude. Imagine if everyone did that. I can't believe they leave it on while they're out!

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